Compared to their working-class and poor counterparts, the middle-class children we observed are more competitive with and hostile toward their siblings, and they have much weaker ties with extended family members. Ironically, the greater the number of activities children are involved in, the fewer opportunities they have for face-to-face interaction with members of their own family. In the Tallinger household, except for times when they share meals (this occurs only once every few days), parents and children are rarely all together in the same room. Since both Mr. and Ms. Tallinger work, getting the children to their many and separate activities requires divvying up transportation responsibilities. Rather than go to a practice or game as a family, the Tallingers are more likely to each take a car and shepherd one (or two) of the children to a given event. During activities, children spend most of the time away from their parents. They are across the soccer field or in the middle of the basketball court; and in the Tallinger boys’ cases, age differences further divide the siblings. They never play together on the same team.
The Tallinger home is a forty-year-old, white, two-story house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms. The house is located on a cul-de-sac in a quiet suburb near a major northeastern city. The surrounding homes are well kept; many sell for a quarter of a million dollars. The house has a large picture window facing the street and overlooking an expansive green lawn. There is a large tree in the middle of the front yard; a swing made of a thick white rope dangles from an upper limb. Near the asphalt driveway that leads to the garage stand two tall poles that support a basketball hoop and backboard emblazoned with the official NBA logo. A seven-foot-long, fine-mesh black net is stretched immediately behind the backboard and poles to keep errant balls from tumbling into the neighbors’ bushes. A wooden gate provides access to the large, fenced backyard and swimming pool. All in all, it’s a classic home in the suburbs.
Inside, there are hardwood floors, wallpapered rooms, and an assortment of pets (a dog, Farley; a turtle, Ivan; and assorted fish). A baby grand piano shares the living room with color-coordinated furniture (including antique tables and a wingback chair) positioned on thick rugs. Most action, however, takes place in the kitchen, the den (where the television is located), or the large screened-in porch that overlooks the backyard and pool. Housecleaners come regularly, but the Tallinger children help out by making their beds, feeding the pets, and putting the family’s newspapers, cans, and bottles out for the recycling pickup each week. Mr. Tallinger oversees the outdoors; he periodically calls a man who comes and mows the lawn. He also manages the chemicals for the pool as well as the gas grill. When his wife is away for work, he takes care of the children by himself, making him a more active father in parenting than many.
Mr. Tallinger and Ms. Tallinger enjoy sports, especially golf, which they play at the elite private country club where they are members. Both are forty, and they have been married twelve years. They are “retreads,” as Ms. Tallinger puts it; when they met, each had been previously married and divorced (neither had had children). Ms. Tallinger is trim and fit, with fashionably cut, short blond hair. She has a calm, unruffled air about her.
She often is stylishly dressed, as [she is] one afternoon returning from work in a black-and-white herringbone light wool skirt, which falls mid-knee, and fuchsia wool cropped jacket. She wears white hose and black two-inch heels.
Mr. Tallinger is a tall (just over six feet), broad-shouldered man with thinning reddish-blond hair who favors expensive suits for work and golf shirts and long khaki shorts on weekends. He likes to make dry, witty comments, delivered with a slightly ironic twist. For example, when asked, “How are you?” he often responds, with only the slightest hint of a smile, “Peachy-keen.”
Both Tallingers hold bachelor’s degrees from the same Ivy League college, where both were involved in sports. Each is a consultant (Mr. Tallinger works in fund-raising, Ms. Tallinger in personnel). They earn a combined annual income of $175,000; until near the end of the study, both worked for the same firm. The Tallingers have sufficiently flexible hours to take time off for their children’s school events, but they often work on evenings and weekends. At the time of the study, both also were required to travel. Mr. Tallinger spends an average of three days on the road per week and often does not arrive home from work until 9:30 P.M. Ms. Tallinger tries to avoid overnights. As a result, four or five days a month she gets up very early (4:30 A.M.) and takes a plane out of state, returning home after dinner. Their child-care arrangements include an all-day program about five minutes from home for the youngest boy and an after-school program for the two older boys.
The Tallingers’ three sons range in age from ten (Garrett) to seven (Spencer) to four (Sam). Sam is a blond-haired, sturdy-looking preschooler. His laugh is a high-pitched giggle. Spencer, a second-grader, is outgoing and talkative. Fourth-grader Garrett, a tall, thin, serious boy with blond hair, is the “target child” of the study. Here’s how Mr. Tallinger describes his oldest son:
He’s shy and quiet, not very outgoing when you first meet him. But he’s got a fierce desire to please, so he’s very compliant. But he is also still very competitive. He likes to win, but he’s still easy to manage.
Unlike Spencer, who keeps up an almost nonstop stream of conversation, Garrett is a selective speaker. He will toss a ball around silently or watch television without commenting on commercials or programs. Sometimes, though, especially when he is away from his parents, he is livelier. He makes up little diversionary games. For example, one night around 8:00 P.M., while waiting in line at Taco Bell after a baseball game, Garrett makes faces at himself in the mirror. He also holds his breath several times, for as long as possible. His face turns bright red, but no one in the family comments.
Observations and interviews show Garrett to be both a good student and a good athlete. During a parent-teacher conference, Garrett’s teacher described him as “right where he should be.” In interpersonal interactions, he seems poised and sophisticated. When meeting an adult, he shakes hands, looks the person in the eye, and generally seems at ease. As an athlete, he is proficient, as this field note, taken during soccer practice with the elite Intercounty team, reveals:
The young boys are now divided into two teams and they begin to scrimmage. Garrett is a stickler at his defensive position and does not let anyone pass him. His playing style is coolly aggressive. He doesn’t seem to menace and overpower the other players, but instead projects an image of top control.
Garrett, like his parents, enjoys sports. His bedroom dresser is jammed with trophies, especially from soccer. He also has many soccer patches from team exchanges. At school, Garrett is popular and is widely seen as the best athlete in his class. During recess, he and other boys (with the rare girl) will take a soccer ball and, rushing to the grassy area, kick it around until recess ends.
Garrett’s friends are white, as are most of the people he interacts with, whether he is at home, at school, or on the playing field. The family’s baby-sitters are white teenagers; the man who comes to mow the lawn is white as well. Among the children in the two fourth-grade classes at Garrett’s school, there are three Blacks and one Asian; about 90 percent of the school’s total enrollment is white. Garrett’s piano teacher is white, and so are all the members of the piano recital crowd. His swim team is all white. In fact, the field-worker who accompanied the Tallingers to their country club (for swim practice) saw only white children, parents, and club staff out by the pool (except for one Black swim instructor). Garrett’s all-white baseball team occasionally plays teams that include Black children.