Both of Alexander’s parents believe his activities are important for his development. They view the benefits as wide ranging. In discussing Alexander’s piano lessons, Mr. Williams notes that as a result of learning through the Suzuki method,5 Alexander is already able to read music. He sees music training as beneficiaclass="underline"
I don’t know baroque from classical—but he does. How can that not be a benefit in later life? I’m convinced that this rich experience will make him a better person, a better citizen, a better husband, a better father—certainly a better student.
Ms. Williams sees music as building her son’s “confidence” and his “poise.” In interviews and in conversation, she often stresses the notion of “exposure,” making it clear that she sees it as her responsibility to broaden Alexander’s worldview, like Louise and Don Tallinger seek to broaden Garrett’s worldview. Ms. Williams considers childhood activities a learning ground for important life skills:
Sports provide great opportunities to learn how to be competitive. Learn how to accept defeat. Learn how to accept winning, in a gracious way. Also it gives him the opportunity to learn leadership skills and how to be a team player. Those . . . sports really provide a lot of really great opportunities.
Alexander’s activities change regularly; as new seasons commence, some activities wind down and others start up. Since the schedules of sports practices and games are issued no sooner than the start of the new season, advance planning is rarely possible. The sheer number of activities means that inevitably some events will overlap. Some activities, though short-lived, are extremely time consuming. Alexander’s school play, for example, requires attendance at three nights of rehearsals the week before the opening. Finally, time constraints also sometimes require that Alexander opt out of activities because his parents cannot adjust their work schedules sufficiently. For instance, Mr. Williams explained that Alex was a good enough soccer player to qualify for the traveling team, but they could not let him sign up because Mr. Williams could not leave work early enough to get Alexander to the out-of-town games.
Participation in organized sports provides middle-class children with more than an outlet for their energy or an opportunity to develop physical skills. Many of the soccer teams in the area where Alex lives, although comprised of third- and fourth-graders, are ability ranked. There are “A” teams, “B” teams, and all-star teams. Children’s athletic skills are routinely and publicly assessed on two levels—their performance during any given game, and their presence on a particular team. Like other middle-class children in the study, Alexander does not seem uncomfortable with the idea of public performance—whether it be playing soccer or playing Mozart. In fact, he seems to enjoy performing. According to a field note, after his solo at a musical production in front of more than two hundred people, he appeared “contained, pleased, aware of the attention he’s receiving.”
Social Connections
Both Mr. and Ms. Williams consider themselves to be very connected to their extended families. Ms. Williams is the daughter of a minister and a homemaker. She grew up in a medium-sized city in the South. All eight children in the family graduated from college. Ms. Williams says she feels close to her family, even though she lives far from them. She talks on the phone daily with her mother and visits her parents three to four times per year. On two of those visits, she takes Alexander with her to see his grandparents. Mr. Williams is the eldest of nine children; he grew up in a small town in the South. His mother, who worked as a domestic and later as a cook, is retired. His father and his stepfather (neither of whom is still living) had grammar school education and worked as laborers. Mr. Williams talks on the phone with his mother once a week and sees her twice a year. He sends her about $500 per month, and he also helps pay for the college education of one of his nieces.
Because Alexander has no cousins for hundreds of miles, interactions with cousins are not a normal part of his leisure time. Nor does he often play with children from his neighborhood. The occupants of the huge homes on his street are mainly couples without children. Most of Alexander’s playmates are drawn from his classroom or from the organized leisure activities in which he participates. Since the great majority of his school activities, church life, soccer games, choir, piano, baseball games, and other commitments are organized by the age (and sometimes gender) of the participants, Alexander tends to interact almost exclusively with children his own age, usually boys.
Impact on Family Life
Alex’s many activities keep his already-busy parents even busier. His mother typically moves through these demands in a gracious and sociable fashion. Mr. Williams, on the other hand, sometimes complains about the time consumed by his son’s events. He usually brings a newspaper to read while he waits for a school performance to begin, reads in the backseat of the car (with Alexander in the front seat) on the way to events, and sometimes sorts his work mail during soccer practice. This divergence between the spouses, with mothers seeming more invested in children’s activities than fathers, is typical of all of the parents we observed. Mothers are also generally more active than fathers in ancillary events such as the “parents group” for Alexander’s church youth choir group, which draws only mothers.
Mr. Williams’s long hours at work frequently leave him tired on the weekends. Rushing from scheduled event to scheduled event seems to weary him. One Sunday, as the family is hurrying from church to baseball to a school play, he reflects on the irony of all this coming and going on what is supposed to be a day off: “Leisurely Sunday afternoon schedule, huh?”
Besides sometimes being exhausting, Alexander’s activities also create tension between his parents over the division of labor in the family. Each commented on this in separate interviews. Mr. Williams feels that he shares equally (a fifty–fifty split) in labor related to caring for Alexander. His wife reports sixty–forty for physical labor and eighty-five–fifteen for mental labor. Mr. Williams does not believe Alexander’s activities have had any consequences for his wife’s career. She disagrees. Ms. Williams says she consciously chose to make her son her “priority.” Although adamant about the rewards she reaps from this decision, she reports, reluctantly, that her choice has required her to “make sacrifices” in her career. In addition, Mr. and Ms. Williams disagree, at times, about how much the family social space should be dominated by Alexander’s preferences. For example, one July afternoon, the family sets out on a round of errands. They need to get Alexander’s hair cut, put gas in the car, go to the grocery store for weekly shopping, and pick up Chinese food for dinner. Alexander has a tape (entitled “Trout Fishing in America”) with songs he enjoys. In one, “Boiled Okra and Spinach,” the singer reports he’d rather eat “boogers.” Alex sings along with the tape; Alex, his mother, and the field-worker all laugh as they listen to the lyrics. Mr. Williams does not join in the laughter, although at one point he does contribute to a discussion about the name of a song. Later, when he states clearly that he is tired of the tape and wants it turned off, his wife resists, advising him that it “grows on you.” He retreats into reading and says nothing more.
Mr. and Ms. Williams also disagree periodically about Alexander’s schedule. In his exit interview, Mr. Williams expressed discomfort with the fact that Alexander belonged to two choirs. He seemed to be concerned that being in two choirs might compromise his son’s developing masculinity. Eventually, Alexander did drop out of one choir (and immediately enrolled in Friday night basketball). In general, Mr. Williams seems more tired and worn down than Ms. Williams. Compared to his wife, he seems to draw less pleasure from all aspects of Alexander’s events. Still, both are enthusiastic about their son’s exposure to a wide array of activities. Mr. and Ms. Williams are aware that they allocate a sizable portion of time to Alexander’s activities. What they stress, however, is the time they hold back. They comment on the activities the family has chosen not to take on (such as traveling soccer). Indeed, Alexander’s activities do involve fewer travel demands than those of other middle-class children in the study. Garrett Tallinger, for instance, routinely was driven ninety minutes (in each direction) for soccer games.