“If there is something she’s hiding — and I don’t think there is — she won’t say it, just to spite Ceridwen for treating her like this. She’s stubborn,” I said.
Briallen shrugged. “Then she’ll have to live with the consequences. Connor, you know Meryl well enough to know she won’t do anything she doesn’t want to. She’s a druidess. She takes that seriously. Let her decide how to respond. Sometimes the Grove and the Guild do not have the same agenda.”
“Don’t let Ceridwen hear you say that, or you might end up in a cell yourself.” I couldn’t help the dig.
Briallen grinned. “I’d like to see her try. At the bottom of all this, she knows the Grove and the Guild want essentially the same things. It’s just a matter of whose means to the end get used. Now, can we put this aside and discuss why you came to see me?”
Getting slapped down by Briallen didn’t exactly put me in the mood to make myself vulnerable. I feigned innocence. “I came about Meryl.”
Briallen laughed. “Oh, bull. You know I knew Meryl was under arrest ten minutes after she did. Something else is bothering you.”
I bit my lower lip. “Okay, you’re right. I came to ask you about something odd. Lately, I’ve been…” I didn’t realize until that moment how strange and embarrassing this was going to sound. “… well, I guess you can say I’ve been hearing things. Like, things no one else does. And I’m seeing people who aren’t there.”
She didn’t laugh or look at me like I was crazy. “What are they saying?”
I slid deeper in the chair. “I’m not sure. It started a little over a week ago. I kept hearing whispering. Then the whispers got louder, and I began to see people, too. At first, I thought it was some kind of spell, but it’s happened too many times in too many places. They’re angry. One of them attacked me, and, just now, on the subway, one of them told me I’m going to die.”
Briallen leaned forward. “You’re a druid. You’ll live a long time, Connor.”
“Yeah, as long as nobody kills me first. And we don’t know how long a life I have anymore, Briallen. Whatever Bergin Vize did to destroy my abilities might have wrecked my chances for a long lifetime, too,” I said.
Her eyes shifted to me. “I used to worry that you weren’t going to live long. Do you know I never see you in my visions? The only way I know you’re involved in something I see is because of reactions around you.”
I exhaled sharply. “A dwarf said that to me not too long ago. You can’t see my future, and I can’t see my past.”
“It’s all connected, Connor. We are all connected. You know I believe that. Maybe whatever you are hearing and seeing is sending you a message that you haven’t figured out yet. Maybe the Wheel of the World is trying to teach you something about yourself,” she said.
I frowned. “By making me feel crazy?”
She smiled. “Maybe, Connor, maybe you’re supposed to do things based on who you are and not what you know.”
“But if I don’t know anything, who does that make me?”
She shrugged. “A child who sees ghosts and runs to an adult for help.”
I closed my eyes. “I hope you mean that metaphorically.” She giggled. Briallen giggles sometimes. It annoys the hell out of me. “Connor, I’m not going to say you’re not hallucinating. You are a druid with damaged abilities. Things are happening to you that never happened to you before your accident. But what you just told me is exactly what’s been plaguing you for two years: You can’t remember, and you’re afraid of the future. Maybe you’re manifesting your own fears.”
“What if my fears are real enough to kill me?”
She sighed. “All fears are real. It’s what you do about them that matters.”
I stared into the fire, letting the flickering light mesmerize me, the warmth soothe my skin. “You’re saying I should let go of the past.”
She shook her head. “If you think that will help, then do it and see what happens. I can’t give you answers to questions only you can answer.”
I dropped my head back against the chair. “You kick me in the balls every time I come here, and I still come back for more.”
She laughed. That laugh, that lovely Briallen laugh. “And then you leave with tougher balls.”
CHAPTER 24
From our parking spot on Charles Street, Murdock and I had a good view of the Ardman townhouse. At least four Danann security agents monitored the area, two along the roofline across the street from the townhouse and two more nearby posing as shopkeepers. The Flat had enough fey living in it that Powell wasn’t likely to notice anything unusual. As a concession to me and Murdock, Keeva agreed to use wireless headsets instead of sendings. As security agents cycled through a check-in every fifteen minutes, I heard at least one voice I didn’t recognize. If I knew Keeva, she had more agents squirreled away along the street than she had told me about.
Murdock sipped his coffee. “She hasn’t shown in two days.”
“She’ll show. Ardman is on her hit list,” I said.
“Maybe Ardman signaled her it’s a trap,” he said.
I rocked my head against the headrest. “I doubt it. She’s too scared Powell will crush the soul stone.”
“So why doesn’t Powell just do it?”
I crooked my neck toward him. “You know, that’s an interesting question. She got the money and museum stuff, too. What’s the delay?”
“The whole soul-stone thing bothers me,” he said.
“Let it go, Murdock. Just because tradition says it’s the soul doesn’t mean it is. It’s just a powerful spell,” I said.
He sipped his coffee again. “Said the man who didn’t believe in a drys until he met one.”
He had a point. Meeting an actual incarnation of essence gave me pause on the whole faith issue. “I said it was possible the drys was a demigoddess. She could just as easily have been a powerful species of fey I’d never met before.”
“Meryl believes in them.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “When did you talk to Meryl?”
He kept his eyes on the townhouse. “I ran into her on Oh No the night you had dinner with Dylan. She was shopping for something I couldn’t pronounce.”
The night I had dinner with Dylan. The same night Belgor was attacked. Meryl was in the Weird. I pushed the thought away. I was not going to go there. “And you talked about the drys,” I said.
“Just briefly. She was asking about my body shield. She said she had a dream about me. Said I was riding a flying horse on fire.”
Meryl has a geasa on her about her dreaming. It’s an obligation — deeper than a command, really — to do a certain thing or suffer dire consequences. Meryl’s geasa is that if she has a dream and knows someone in it, she has a duty to tell that person. “Stay away from carousels. Her dreams come true,” I said.
He took another sip of coffee. “Will do.”
Something rustled within the pile of discarded fast-food bags in the backseat. I knew the cause because I sensed the essence. Murdock didn’t react, which I thought was kind of curious. People hear something mucking around in their car, they tend to react a little. Then again, Murdock’s car is such a sty, he’s probably used to all kinds of critters roaming around in it. The rustling sound came again.
“There’s no food back there, Joe,” Murdock said nonchalantly.
“Who says I’m looking for food?” Joe’s muffled voice came from beneath several layers of paper.
I chuckled. “How’d you know?” I said to Murdock.
Murdock kept his eyes on the street, but amusement played on his lips. “The first time I thought it was a rat. I whomped him with the billy club.”
Joe crawled out of the paper wreckage. “And I gave him a nice zap back.”