He had the stereo softly playing love songs in the background as he opened his arms and pulled me in close, “Leese, I can’t even begin to describe how much I love you-it may sound a little weird, but it almost hurts.”
It didn’t sound weird to me. I’d been feeling the ache and hurt inside me since the first time I realized I was falling in love with him, “I know what you mean; I feel the same way.”
We danced around the living room for quite some time as the heat and the desire to take the final step into forever became overwhelmingly powerful.
His breathing became shallow and quick as he finally confessed he didn’t want to wait any longer and asked, if I was ready, could he take me to the bedroom?
“Yes, Micah,” I whispered, “I’m ready. Make love to me, baby.” I looked into those eyes and knew there was no turning back now. He was holding me to his chest as he carried me to the bed. The moonlit Atlantic sparkled beyond the large glass doors leading out to our balcony. I had two candles burning, but otherwise the room was dim.
He kissed me long and deep when he laid me back on the bed. His hands, hands that had always been careful not to be sexual, hands that had not caressed my breasts, nor inner thighs began to command my body. My back arched with need as he slipped the straps from my shoulders, kissing the places as he exposed them. His hot mouth suddenly suckling and caressing my breasts, and I felt all semblances of my control erode as I began to beg for him, to experience him, to give all I had to him.
His hands stopped as they gripped the sides of my panties, and he looked at me. I was lost somewhere in a place of tremendous need as I returned the gaze and begged him not to stop. I never expected him to kiss and caress what he was uncovering, but it was the most unique sensation I’d ever experienced as his mouth buried against the center of my desire.
I pulled away from him, sliding upward into the bed with what must have been a look of fright on my face.
“Are you okay, Leese? Did I do something wrong?” he whispered.
“I’ve never felt this way, Micah,” I choked out. “I’m scared.”
“I just thought you’d like to get off before-”
“Get off what?” I was down to bare skin; there wasn’t anything else to remove.
His head cocked sideways as he pulled himself up to look into my eyes, “Leese, I know you’ve never had sex, but you’ve gotten off before-the shower in the bungalow, you…” An unusual look spread across his face. “All you did was take a shower?”
“What else would I do in the shower?”
“No wonder it didn’t help you,” he whispered, kissing the tip of my nose. “You’ve never had an orgasm? Baby, I didn’t know you were that virgin.”
All I knew was that an orgasm was a sexual experience and something I thought was to be saved for tonight, “Don’t I need you for that?”
He smiled slowly, “No, but I’m certainly glad you’ve saved it for me.”
“But, how could I-”
“That’s why you stopped me. You were starting to feel it coming on weren’t you?”
“I don’t know what that was, but I was afraid I was getting ready to lose my grip on reality-because that wasn’t real.”
“Don’t be afraid, baby, I promise you, it’s real and you’ll like it,” he crooned.
“But I’ll lose control,” I started to tear up, that was the true reason why I had him stop; I realized something was getting ready to happen I couldn’t control.
“Baby, we’re both going to lose control tonight, but it’s okay because that’s all a part of making love. I’m going to take control of you and you are going to do the same to me.”
“I don’t know how,” I cried softly, a tear running down my cheek.
He wiped the tear away and smiled, “You do, whether you know it or not. You’ve got control of me right now and I’d do anything to please you.”
I nodded, “Then let me take your clothes off.”
He rose from the bed and I followed, slowly removing his shirt and kissing and caressing his fabulous body. I knelt in front of him as I undid his waistband.
His hands reach down and stopped me, “I don’t think I can handle you doing this part, Leese.”
“No. Please, Micah. No boundaries tonight, let me take them off you.”
I could tell he was fighting to retain his ability to be in charge of his desire so he wouldn’t do what he threatened that morning in the Hyatt. I knew he was ready to grab me and collide with me in the bed, but with tremendous effort he permitted me to remove his slacks. He closed his eyes and I could see his hands clinch as I began to lower his boxers to the floor, but as I did, I permitted myself the first opportunity to touch his body intimately and he snapped.
I didn’t even have time to react as my body was moved from kneeling on the floor to lying underneath him on the bed. My heart was pounding so hard it was painful, his teeth biting firmly but gently on my shoulder. He kept repeating “Baby, baby, oh baby,” as he pulled me against himself, parts of our bodies touching that I had never experienced. He kissed me hard, and then broke the kiss.
He must have seen the fear on my face as he began to calm, “I can’t hurt you, Leese. I’ve got to slow down.”
“Micah, I’m ready for you to hurt me,” I said with an unsteady voice, my hips rising to meet his and my calves keeping him from pulling away from me. “Don’t stop. I need you.”
He was still working on control as he lowered his body against mine.
The heat alone was enough for strange sensations to hit me. I felt his body push as my body resisted. I gasped for my breath.
He looked at me as a strange smile appeared on his face, “She’s right. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I need you to guide me, Leese. You’re going to have to show me where it feels right for you.”
I was truly frightened to touch him intimately again, the last time was explosive enough, but I could tell he was ready for the sensation of my hand this time. He moaned deeply as I placed him where my sensations seemed to culminate, where need, desire, and heat centered themselves.
“Now, baby?” he asked.
I nodded as he pushed again. I didn’t mean to sink my nails into his back, but I couldn’t help myself as my body resisted him.
He knew what would help me forget the pain, as his mouth descended on to mine and he kissed me with all the emotion he had the very first time our lips ever met, stealing away my ability to breathe. His hips thrust and the barrier gave way.
I gasped and cried out, a mingling of pain and pleasure enveloped me.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his body stopped all forward movement.
I was still catching my breath, a feeling mounting that was completely foreign to me and it frightened me to the core. It felt as if someone inside me that I never knew had been awakened and was about to take over.
He pressed again and once more my body was resisting. I knew there was more of him waiting to enter as he pressed again. I was losing my fear of what was about to happen and instead I was building to some invisible anticipation of what was taking place inside me.
“I can’t, Leese. I’m sorry, but it feels like I’m going to tear you in two.”
“No, please…ah…Micah, don’t stop,” I panted. “I need you, baby…ah.” The experience was beginning to overwhelm me.
He pressed harder and the barrier gave way.
I didn’t mean to get loud, but I couldn’t help myself as he moved rhythmically within me, shock waves of pleasure coursing through me. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t stop what he had put into motion inside me as I rode over the top of the new sensation.
He cried out, and I suddenly realized he was joining me in this feeling as our bodies no longer had a separation where one ended and the other began.
He held me for the longest time as he slowed his breathing, kissing my temple, my cheek, the tip of my nose, my lips, and chin. “Baby,” he said, choked by emotion, “I’ve never… You are the most perfect thing I’ve ever known in my life and definitely worth the wait. I love you.”