He was still frowning.
“Wanna go for a drive?” I said twirling the key from my index finger, and giving him a wink.
The frown was losing ground, “You drive first, but I want a turn behind the wheel, too.”
I squealed with delight as I charged for the driver’s side.
I would have to be content with civil driving as we moved down the city streets, but Ryan was on his cell phone with Andy begging for a favor.
“Head for the Air Force Base. Andy’s going to see if he can get us a runway for a little while.”
I was surprised he actually did get permission, but it turned out that Andy’s Colonel was a big fan of Shelby cars and we were told that the military would turn their heads for a couple trips down the runway.
It was like being strapped to a rocket as we blurred across the strip. We had gathered quite a crowd by the time we decided that we had taken up enough of their time. Their Colonel came out just as we were ready to leave, but I offered to let him take it for a test drive as a thank you for the use of their roadway.
He declined at first; I guess he thought I wasn’t really serious. When he realized I meant it, he accepted my offer and took it for a gentle ride. We thanked Andy for his help and told him we’d see him and Ty later at our house.
Candace was the first to make it to our place when she got off work, but she was the last to see the new car. I told Ryan to take her for a ride, before Andy and Ty showed up. I needed him out of the house for a little while anyway because I had to make a call to my realtor.
I had chosen a place a couple miles to the south in a beautiful neighborhood with awesome views and quiet streets. I had been deciding between purchasing or leasing. The purchase price was two and a quarter million which was fine with me, but purchasing had a certain permanence to it and I was starting to understand why my mom usually opted to rent what she liked instead of committing.
The year-long lease was a hundred and twenty thousand with an option to buy at the end. I decided on the lease and I needed to let her know I would be ready to sign the paperwork when I got back from L.A. on Saturday. Ryan would be pissed at me, but I needed to get out of his life before I got weak and made a serious error in judgment.
By the end of the night they all knew about my pending television debut. I could see the concern on Candace’s face when Ryan said he would fly me to L.A. on Monday and stay with me for the few days I was going through the first phase of the show. I know how she felt as it seemed Ryan was in this unintentional tug of war between us. He wanted to continue helping me and at the same time he wanted to begin this budding relationship with Candace. Before the end of the night, I had a feeling this would be the last time I used him as my private pilot.
Ty and Andy left, and Ryan was taking a long time to tell Candace goodnight as I turned off the lights and closed the drapery. They were talking outside by her car. I had no intention of seeing what they were doing, but just as I started closing the kitchen blinds, I saw them kiss. This was not the brief kind of kiss they shared before; this was the kind of kiss that he and I shared when I was running away from Micah. I went to the bedroom and, for the first time, I closed my door.
It must have been another fifteen or twenty minutes before I heard him come into the house. We hadn’t slept together since Candace asked us not to six days ago. My first couple nights had been rocky, but he was in the house and that was comforting enough that I finally managed to start sleeping alone. The funny thing was he told me he was having withdrawals on trying to sleep alone.
My door cracked open slightly, “Leese, you asleep?”
“Not yet,” I replied.
“Can I come in?”
“Do you really need me to answer that?”
The door opened and he came and stretched out beside me on the bed, “Candace asked me to go with her to her house tonight,” came his soft words in the dark.
I rolled toward him. “I’ll be fine by myself,” I assured him, thinking he was getting ready to leave. I was going to be a nervous wreck instead of fine, but I would never tell him. I’d never been truly alone in my whole life. When I wasn’t with Mom, I was with Bev and Matt, then Micah, and now Ryan; but just me by myself was a scary concept.
“No, I’m not going. I told her maybe another night.”
“Why? And don’t tell me you don’t know if you really care that much about her because I’ve seen the look on your face and it looks a whole lot like someone falling in love.”
“You and Micah waited for marriage, but I don’t know if-”
“Micah didn’t,” I corrected him, “I did. There were other women, plenty of other women I’m assuming, before I came along. I guess I was the only one to say I had to have forever first.”
“I keep asking myself if I can see her as my wife because I don’t want to hurt her; I don’t see it yet.”
“I can’t speak for other women, but I know if you made love to me I’d feel the need to commit my life to you. I think Candace might have the same expectation, so don’t take making love to her lightly.”
“I just want to get to know her better to make sure I want her, not just to be able to finally say I got laid.”
I laughed softly, “Ryan, you just aren’t that kind of guy. Does she know why you want to take this slow? Does she know you’ve never-”
“I’ve left a few hints, but I haven’t come right out and told her.”
“If you don’t tell her she’s going to take this hesitation to mean something else. She’s already worried about you and I going to L.A. together.”
“Yeah, she kind of told me that tonight.”
“If I have to go out there anymore, I’m hiring a pilot. I don’t need to make her jealous.”
“I think that’s ridiculous-I’m not doing anything, I’m just flying you out there and staying a few days.”
“If she left for a few days with another guy would you be worried?”
“That’s not the same.”
“Oh yes it is. You need to realize she feels this way every time you and I are alone. I imagine she’s wondering what we’re doing right at this moment.”
“So you’re saying you would have wanted me to go with her tonight?”
“All I really want is for you to be happy and in love, because I can’t be that person for you-you deserve to be more than a Micah replacement.”
He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “I-I love you, Leese.”
I reached out my hand and rested it softly against his cheek, “More than anything, I want you to be happy.”
“I don’t suppose you consider letting me sleep in here for old time’s sake?”
I laughed and gave him a push, “Not that kind of happy-no, and I hope the next time you are in a bed with someone she rocks your world and doesn’t tell you no.”
He rolled off the bed, his feet hitting the floor with a light thump, “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Ryan.”
Monday morning, after Ryan consumed a half pot of coffee at five a.m., we flew out of Colorado Springs. We touched down at LAX, forty-five minutes before I needed to be in the studio. I considered a rental car, but opted for a taxi since I didn’t know their roads or traffic. Someone at the studio made us reservations at the closest hotel, and we would only have enough time to grab our room key and toss our bags inside before continuing our journey.
Mr. Bollson was the man to greet us as he ushered me back to the waiting stylists. There were two of them because they were going to try to speed the process from four or five hours to under two as he explained that the other contestants would be arriving at noon. Ryan was seated in a comfortable chair with a ringside view as the man and woman worked on me, but it wasn’t long before I saw his eyelids droop and he fell asleep-so much for all that coffee.
Two hours later, I gently touched his arm. Surprise was written all over his face when he saw me.