The duet went perfectly. Sadarius and I sang the uplifting lyrics as images of baptisms, crosses, infants, and breath-taking scenery played in the background. But, what had been a spiritual and uplifting evening ended up appearing on the cover of the tabloids saying I had dumped Ryan and was now dating Sadarius.
The last week I sang ‘Kryptonite’ by Three Doors Down, and the last song for the two hour results show was ‘When You’re Gone,’ by Avril Lavigne. The final three were Lexington, Sadarius and me. They played a montage of all the songs we had sung up to this night as the three of us waited nervously to see who would be the final two. When the results were tabulated, the finalists were Sadarius and me.
The show was pulling in the biggest ratings of the whole year, and a celebration party was planned for the Saturday before the last episode. I dreaded going alone and also dreaded what the next round of tabloid news would be spreading about me. I was coming home the Friday before the party, and I finally accepted Ryan’s offer to come out to L.A. I had turned him down every time to prevent problems between him and Candace, but I wanted him to attend the party with me. I needed the tabloids to get off the kick about Sadarius. I had to get Ryan back in the picture before it looked like he was out of my life.
I didn’t know if Micah even cared what I had been doing since we had parted four months ago. He never made any effort to contact me other than when he had David deliver the annulment papers. I was beginning to wonder if my original reason for doing the show in the first place even mattered; he might not have even watched any of the episodes.
Ryan agreed immediately, but I wanted to hear it from Candace, myself, that she was okay with me ‘borrowing’ him for the night.
When I flew into Colorado Springs, I was surprised that she was the person who picked me up, but I tried not to let it show, “Hey, I appreciate the ride. What’s Ryan up to?”
“He’s out looking for a suit,” she answered, but wasn’t smiling.
“I-I hope you don’t mind that I asked him to go with me. It’s just that-”
“Leese, I’m not going to lie to you-I hate the idea of him even being around you,” she confessed as she turned onto the main road and began the trek south toward my house.
Boy, this was not going to go as I had hoped, and I began to feel I should withdraw my request before I caused a breakup. “We’re only good friends, Candace. I-”
“No, you’re not,” she stopped me. “You two are in love and I’ve been ignoring that fact ever since he came back here.”
“He loves you,” I began.
“I know he loves me,” she sighed, showing that she was quickly getting exasperated, “I just wish I wasn’t competing with someone like you. You’re beautiful, talented, sexy, kinder than anyone I’ve ever met, and the fact that you’re richer than two-foot up a bull’s ass doesn’t hurt things either-hell, if I was a guy, I’d be in love with you!”
“I’m sorry I asked him-I’ll tell him-”
“No, you aren’t going to back out of the invitation. He’s really looking forward to going to a big L.A. party and who could blame him? He loves the spotlight-and I hate it. I don’t honestly know how he can stand being with me.”
“He’s not the kind of person to string someone along. You’ve got to stop putting him up on a pedestal and thinking the whole time you don’t deserve him,” I responded with a little sharpness to my voice.
She cut her eyes toward me and I could tell I ticked her off, but I continued, “When he and I went to Pensacola high school, he had the captain of the cheerleading team drooling over him like he was edible. She was gorgeous, fun-loving, and-and a virgin. She wanted him, but he turned her down. Do you think, for one minute, if he wasn’t crazy about you that he would have, under any circumstances, slept with you? Every hot chick on Remake melts when Ryan gets near them-and he’s yours. You are that special person in his life and you need to start feeling that pedestal under your feet a little bit. Start letting him adore you, because sex isn’t the only reason he’s staying.”
She wasn’t answering; she was just watching the road and gripping the wheel. I knew I’d hit what was at the heart of this matter. She was feeling used, but he just wasn’t that type of person.
“You’ve been sleeping together, haven’t you?” she stated as if she hadn’t heard a word I said. “I know you have because whenever you show up in town and I’m either at work or school, he ends up with your scent all over him.”
“You know I don’t fake sleep issues to crawl into a bed with him. If I didn’t have him to…” My voice caught and the burn was beginning in my eyes. “I’d be in the nut house by now,” I said turning my face toward the window. “He’s the last piece of sanity in my life and I’m trying-trying hard, to turn loose of him.”
“Don’t turn him loose, Leese,” she softly replied as her hand reached over and gripped mine. “You’re right. I need to start valuing myself a little bit more. I’m naturally insecure and watching him turn heads doesn’t help. I’m holding on to him so tightly I know I’m about to chase him away.”
I looked over and could see she was on the verge of tears as I squeezed the offered hand.
“That’s why I told him to go with you. I’m the one who needs to turn loose because I’ll never find out if he really loves me if I don’t.” She swallowed hard, “I’m going to try to take a lesson from you and be a friend to him, a real friend and then wait and see what happens.”
“You aren’t planning to move out of the house, are you?”
“No,” she said, eyes getting wide, “I’m hooked like a junkie on him. I’m just going to back off on issues where you’re concerned and let him be himself for a while. I’m tired of making him have to slip around behind my back to be with you. I’ve got to stop trying to control everything about him, and show him a little more trust, a little more honest-to-God love.”
I finally smiled, “You know I think the new and improved you is going to impress the crap out of him.”
“I hope so, but you know what, if it doesn’t and he realizes he’s not happy with me… Well, let’s just say I’m starting to understand I love him enough to want him to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”
“Wow.”
She finally turned and glanced at me, “What?”
“Now that’s starting to sound like real love.”
She laughed, “You know I have you to thank for that. I mean I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and I realize there is a certain amount of vulnerability and sacrifice that has to be part of being really in love. If it’s not there, then all I’m doing is trying to be in control of someone else.”
She turned on to my street; I was suddenly so glad she came and picked me up. She was gaining the maturity that I knew Ryan wanted so desperately to see in her, and I wasn’t going to worry about tip-toeing around her emotions any longer-she was growing and he was going to end up so desperately in love with her.
We had a little free time together before he showed up, and I asked if she’d like to play a little dress up while we waited. Candace hardly ever wore make up and she always wore her hair loose and a little unkempt, but I wanted to give her a make-over that would knock his socks off when he arrived. She agreed and the fun began.
I did her make-up and then brushed out her blond hair and made a single French braid down the back, leaving a little loose near each ear. I gave her a pair of my diamond stud earrings and loaned her a soft cotton tank and crisp white over-shirt. She couldn’t button the shirt because she was chestier than me, but that was okay, it looked great unbuttoned. She kept her jeans, because I was a zero and she was a four. It didn’t matter though; she looked like a model with her pouty pink, lip-glossed mouth and lightly blushed cheeks. It was an hour later when he finally showed. His reaction was perfect. He was all smiles and couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her.