“There’s more to this world than just McLean. A lot more. Trust me. Once you leave your home, you’ll never turn back.”
I nodded briskly, soaking in Lachlan’s words like a sponge. But he didn’t have to tell me twice about never coming back to McLean. I had no desire to stay here, but a part of me was scared at what else was out there.
“What about you? What’s going on in your life?” Lachlan asked.
“You already know,” I reminded. “I tell you in every e-mail what I’m up to.”
He nodded. “But you’re still writing?”
“I am.”
“That’s great,” he said with another strained smile on his face.
I wanted to shout at him: “Where is my Lachlan? Where are you?”
He talked to me, but his voice was tight, making me anxious. I didn’t like this… awkwardness. I didn’t know how to get rid of it.
I stepped away. His hand disappeared from my shoulder, making me feel cold and alone.
“I have to go home,” I said. I stared down at the ground, kicking pieces of gravel around with my foot. “We’re having guests over for dinner.”
I looked up at him. His eyes remained on me. But there was a different look there. One that I had never seen. He would always look at me with amusement, like everything I did was guaranteed to bring a smile to his face. But now he just looked pensive, almost unsure of me.
“You’ll still meet me tonight, right?” I asked.
There was that frown again. His shoulders tensed as he backed away.
“Yeah, tonight, Naomi,” his voice was terse and short.
I would see him later. Like all the other million times I saw him, but this time, things would be different.
I walked away from him, back to my horse, replaying our conversation. I was too preoccupied to realize that he had finally called me Naomi.
“Where the hell are we going?”
“Just wait,” I said. “We’re almost there.”
“It’s pouring down rain. I’m getting ready to turn back home.”
I didn’t even bother turning around. “No, you’re not. Just keep walking.”
Miles away from our families’ properties, hidden in the foliage of oak trees, was a white cottage that was all mine.
I stumbled across it by accident a few months ago.
The sunlight was out that day and in the corner of my eye, past the oak trees, something glinted. I walked deeper into the woods, for what felt like miles before the trees finally thinned out. The ground was covered in old leaves and twigs and in front of me was a cottage that was falling apart. The white paint was chipped off. The front deck was caving in slowly. A few windows were broken, or simply boarded up. All it would take is for one big gust of wind and this place would crumble in seconds. But I thought it was amazing. I thought it had potential. I looked past the damage and was determined to fix it. That night I wrote Lachlan an e-mail describing the cottage. He wrote back and said it sounded like the setting of a horror movie.
Tonight, I was determined to prove him wrong. This place was my personal haven. I saw the beauty of this cabin before it became weather beaten and neglected. I saw a fresh coat of white paint, a new deck, brand new windows, and flowers planted around the house. I saw the beautiful white cottage it used to be.
I parted the wet tree branches and stepped into the clearing. I shined my flashlight on the cottage. “Here it is,” I sighed.
Lachlan stood beside me and stared. He was silent for a moment, and pointed his flashlight at the cottage. His eyes narrowed, as he inspected what was in front of him carefully.
“Not too bad,” he finally said.
I grinned at him. “Kind of cool, isn’t it?”
“In a creepy kind of way, yes.”
The rain continued to fall. Splashing onto my jacket, soaking my hair. I didn’t care. I stepped closer to the cottage, letting the cool water pour down my face.
“Do you think we’re the first people to find it?”
Lachlan moved closer. “Doubt it. The windows didn’t board up themselves.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m saying, it’s probably been sitting here for years and years without any of us knowing!”
“Is this your way of telling me that you’re going be one of those realtors that goes around looking for destroyed homes, buys them dirt cheap and sells them for triple the value?”
I shrugged, turned my head and smiled back at him. “Maybe.”
He looked at me with an odd expression on his face.
The whole trip there, I tried so hard to act natural and pretend that there was no tension between us. But that one look ruined all my efforts.
Old Naomi and Lachlan were gone. Wherever they went, they were hiding so well I doubted we would ever find them again.
Normally, words just poured of my mouth when I was around Lachlan. One simple subject would lead to a conversation that would split in half and keep multiplying until we were on a completely different subject than the one we began. Yet right now I was frantically trying to think of something we could talk about.
“I’m glad you’re back,” I finally said.
He smiled, although it was strained. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”
I pointed my flashlight to the damp ground, jerking it back and forth until it became a blur. “E-mails are nice, but seeing you in person is even better.”
“That’s your way of saying you missed me?”
I shined my flashlight over my face for a quick second. I wanted him to see the sincerity in my eyes. “You know I missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
I couldn’t see his face but I heard the honesty in his voice and I saw a piece of the old Lachlan. The one that had been MIA the entire day.
“Lachlan…” I looked away.
“What?” He turned off his flashlight and took a step closer. “Why did you just say my name like that?”
“Like what?”
“Come on, I’ve known you long enough to have you figured out.” He gave me a hard look. I stayed silent. “You don’t believe that I’ve missed you?”
“Well, you sure have a hard way of showing it. You’re barely home.”
“What is the big deal?”
“The big deal is you’ve been gone for 365 days!” I shouted. “Not a week or a month. A whole year!”
His eyes widened and he whistled. “Keeping a tally?”
I was panting by this point. “Every day.”
“We keep in touch,” he argued. “I talk to you almost every day.”
“E-mails aren’t enough.”
“If you thought that, you should have told me,” he said quickly. “You should’ve said, ‘Lachlan, e-mails aren’t enough. Come home. I miss seeing you.’”
“Lachlan!” I yelled. “E-mails aren’t enough. Come home. I miss seeing you!”
He looked at me with shock. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing’s gotten into me. I’ve always felt this way.”
“No, you’ve changed. You’ve become…”
“What?” I advanced. “I’ve become louder? I’ve become older?”
Lachlan just stared at me. He was seeing a different side of me. One that was speaking its mind and revealing the truth. But everyone had a breaking point. You can only take so much until you have to get your words out before you exploded.
I opened my mouth. “I—”
Could I do this? Could I actually go through with telling him how I felt? Once it was out there, I could never take it back.
“I love you!” I shouted. My feelings that had been so well-hidden came to the surface. Lachlan looked blindsided. “And I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t. But I can’t help it!” I tossed my hands in the air. “What am I gonna do, though? I need you when I know I shouldn’t.”
I turned off my flashlight and tossed it between my hands, waiting for him to answer. It seemed like years went by before Lachlan spoke.