“No. No. It’s all good. Is that his name, Gray? I like it. It’s unusual.”
“It’s a color. Who names their kids colors?”
“Weird people. California people.” Eve’s boyfriend had arrived in the lounge and parked himself on a bar stool while I finished cashing out the drawer and she completed the bottle count.
“Opposites, then,” Eve cooed. She let go of my hand so she could pat her heart.
“Don’t go having us married in your imagination. I can’t even get my ring off, which means according to you that I’ll only attract the slimiest of slime.” The beautifully cut facets sparkled even in the crappy lighting of the bar as I waved my hand in front of her face. “This is Carolyn’s, you know.”
“Will gave you his mother’s ring?”
“Yes. But then David had to buy Carolyn a five-carat diamond to replace this one.” I pulled the diamond around to the inside of my hand. “It all worked out.”
“Are you going to see him again?”
Picking up the bills, I started counting again. “No. He was pretty angry. Besides, I could probably be used in an instructional video about how not to interact with males."
“Go up to him and explain.”
“Explain what?” Randy interjected.
“Sam made out with a guy tonight down by the storage closet and then he saw her ring and got mad. I told her she should go and explain that she’s not married anymore.”
For a moment I was irritated that Eve was sharing but what the heck, a male opinion might be worthwhile. “What do you think?” I asked him.
“I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable kissing a girl who’s got her wedding band on.” He popped more nuts in his mouth, swallowed them, and added, “But if you want to see him again then an explanation is worth a shot. Be real obvious about it. Guys are dense. Go up to him and say ‘Hey, boy, I want to do you tonight.’”
"Is that how you picked Randy up, Eve?" I teased.
"No way. He was even denser. I had to basically club him over the head and then drag him back to the car. Even then I had to climb onto him before he realized I was interested.”
"Hey, no," he protested. "I just wanted to be sure you were sure.”
"I couldn't have been a surer thing if you'd had paid for me." She shook her head in mock dismay. "But I took him against the car anyway."
"Against the car?" I was torn between being aghast and envious.
"If you haven't tried that position then I’m really sorry because up against the wall or door while he's between your knees, one leg slung over his shoulder is," she paused and shuddered, "un-friggin-believable.”
I stared at her and recalled the truncated promise Gray had given me. Just the memory made me shiver. "I believe you. I think I'm turned on just by hearing you describe it.”
"I know I am," said Randy.
"Can't wait for tonight, baby." She leaned over and cleaned his tonsils out. I watched them far too long to be polite. I realized then that I had been missing sex and more, real intimacy with another person. I missed what Eve had with her boyfriend, the right to have casual intimate contact. To hold hands with someone in public, to know that on all the important holidays someone was thinking of me. I’d missed it so much that I’d attacked a stranger in the hallway. Should I go after Gray and explain? Should I explore these feelings he’d roused? I thought I was immune to men and that my girl parts had shriveled because not one guy in the two years since Will died even warranted a second look let alone stirred sexual desire.
Eve must've seen my envious glance or felt my overlong stare because she broke it off and shooed her boyfriend away.
"It's been two years, why not give another guy a chance or at least just hook up? Get back in the game.”
I looked down at my left hand and the diamond winked backed at me. "I don't know how.”
“Go over to Adam’s house tomorrow. Maisey said he’s staying there for like six weeks. Or ask him over to your condo for coffee.”
“Coffee?”
“Or a movie.”
“What kind of coffee? And a movie? For someone I don’t know.” This sounded like terrible advice.
Randy snorted. “It’s never coffee.”
“What?”
“It’s never coffee. Or even a movie,” he elaborated. “You invite him over for anything and he’ll know you’re asking to have sex.”
“I thought you guys were dense and that I had to ask for things straight up.” Getting back into the dating pool was going to take a lot of effort. Probably more effort than I was interested in exerting. Yet…wouldn’t it be nice to leave the bar and crawl in bed next to someone? The ache I felt in my heart may not be soothed, but the ache in the body could be.
“Everyone knows that an invitation over to her place for anything after, say, eight at night, maybe even seven, is a booty invitation. And vice versa.” He shook his finger at me. “You should know this if you’re gonna start sleeping around.”
Thankfully Eve hit him so I didn’t have to. “What?” He held up his hands. “I thought we were just tossing out advice to the poor chick.”
“Don’t even,” she warned, “or you won’t get any of what I was talking about earlier.”
Randy sat back and motioned that he was zipping his lip.
I sighed. “It’s okay. I need all the advice I can get. I haven’t done this in, well, ever. I grew up with Will. I knew him better than I knew myself at times. This Gray guy, I only know he smells good.” And other stuff that I didn’t want to admit like how strong he was when he held me against the wall and how his rough calloused fingers on the bare skin of my thigh made me damp just at the memory.
“He’s a Marine on leave for a few weeks staying with former members of his—whatever they’re called—troop?”
“Platoon,” I said flatly. I’d forgotten the most important thing about Gray—that was he was in the military and that I wasn’t ever getting involved with another military guy. Not even for a casual, one-night hook up. Eve opened her mouth to say something, but I didn’t let her. “Whatever argument you’ve got, just shelve it."
"You need hair of the dog," she told me, ignoring my admonition. “One military guy breaks your heart, get good loving from another to put it back together."
"Will didn't break my heart. He died."
"Same thing, honey. You've been heartbroken for two years now. This could be the perfect antidote."
"You're crazy." I walked down to the other end of the bar and Eve followed me.
"I might be crazy but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. Trust me, I know heartbreak. You know I do."
Breaking my heart would've been Will leaving me for someone else. He didn't leave me. He went to serve his country. He still loved me. If he would have had it his way, we’d be happily married with a kid on the way. Then why did he enlist? Why did he choose a dangerous military occupational specialty?
Because he loved his country too, I told my little voice mulishly.
A cold cloth pressed against my temple. A quiet moment in the corner of the bar was what I needed to silence the voices, but I couldn’t tell anymore which were speaking lies. The ones that told me he loved me or the ones that told me he didn't.
"He didn't break my heart," I repeated.
Eve kissed the top of my head. "Didn't say he didn't love you, honey, just that he broke your heart. This guy is perfect. He’s a rebound guy—only around for a few weeks. You do him, get back on the horse, and you're ready for a real relationship then."
"Did you know, besides that insane moment earlier with Gray, that you’re the only person I've kissed on the mouth since Will died?" I tapped my index finger against my lower lip. "So that's like twenty-six months, because I saw him the weekend before he deployed."