“Hi, Willow. I’m Joyce. I’m a case manager for the hospital.”
“Okay,” I said slowly.
“I just want to make sure we understand exactly what happened to you today. Can you tell me in your own words what led up to your accident?”
No, but I can lie to you.
“I was rushing down the stairs to answer the door. My foot missed a step. I fell down them and hit my shoulder against the wall at the bottom of the stairs.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Who’s with you today?”
“No one.”
“How are you getting home?”
“My stepdad said to call him when I was finished and he’d pick me up,” I whispered.
All through our conversation, Joyce wrote in her file. When she’d finished with her notes, she looked at me. “If something else happened, you can tell me. Anything you say in here is strictly confidential.”
I shook my head and bit a hangnail on my finger. “Nothing else happened,” I lied.
“Okay. The nurse will get your discharge papers ready.”
“Thank you,” I said, my gaze locked on the floor.
An hour later, I was in the car with my mom riding home. My arm was in a sling to allow the tendons and crap time to heal. I didn’t know. I didn’t really listen. They gave me something for pain, my discharge papers, and told me to see my regular doctor in a week. I wouldn’t.
My mom let me stay home from school Monday, partly because my shoulder still hurt and the pain pills made me sick, and partly because I think she felt guilty.
She should have stopped it. She should have done something, anything, except what she did. She just stood there and did nothing, because if she did something, he might expose her secret. Tell what she did. And then people would know she was something so much worse than white trash who snagged the most sought after bachelor in Middleton.
Tuesday was my first day back at school. The first day I’d see Brody since telling him I didn’t love him. I dreaded going into biology. I tried to rearrange my schedule so I could avoid him—seeing him every day was going to be torture—but there was only one AP biology class, so I was stuck.
Brody wasn’t there when I walked into class. Jenna carried my books for me. She laid my bag on the table in front of my chair and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you in history. If you need anything, text me. I don’t care what it is, Willow. Text me. I mean it.”
Nodding, I sat down. I didn’t look at anyone, and I didn’t speak. I just sat staring straight ahead at the whiteboard, waiting for the teacher to start his mind-numbing lecture. Steeling myself for Brody’s arrival.
Someone slipped into the chair next to me, and I stiffened. I let out the breath I was holding when he spoke. “Hey, chickie. How ya doin’?” Tim asked, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
I shrugged a shoulder—my good one. Tears pressed behind my eyes. I knew if I said anything, I’d start to cry. Again. So I didn’t say anything, and Tim was okay with that.
“Um, we switched seats. I thought it might be easier for you,” Tim murmured. I nodded again and looked away. “I’m only gonna say this once because I know you won’t want us to keep bringing it up, but I’m really sorry. You got a shit deal, Willow. I know you love Brody. I don’t know what happened with Jaden, but I know this isn’t what you want.” He looked at my arm. “It isn’t what any of us want.”
I didn’t say anything. The single tear that ran down my cheek said everything for me. I swiped it away before anyone other than Tim saw. He rubbed his hand up and down my back before he got my book out of my bag for me.
I couldn’t concentrate during class. All I did was wonder if Brody was sitting in Tim’s old seat—two rows behind me and the table to the right. I wanted to turn and look. I didn’t.
After class, Tim helped me gather my things and put them in my bag. He swung the strap over his shoulder. “I got a pass from the office excusing me for being late to my classes so I can carry your things to each of your classes until you get the sling off your arm next week.”
That’s something Jaden should be doing. But, no. It’s not about him. Thank God for Tim and Jenna.
“Thanks.” It was the first word I’d said since walking into the building with Jenna that morning.
Tim and I walked silently to my English class. I hesitated outside the door. Tim waited quietly beside me. The warning bell sounded, and I knew I had to go inside, but I couldn’t get my feet to move. I could feel the panic welling up inside me like a tumor growing. It was suffocating me. I couldn’t take a breath. Blood rushed behind my ears and I felt sweat slither down my spine, causing my shirt to stick to my skin. My whole body began to shake and my teeth chattered like I was standing outside in the middle of winter, but the school was warm.
I can’t do this.
Images of Brody played in front of my eyes. The night at his Aunt Bess’s bar when we played pool and I made him think I’d never played before. The night in the tent, laying under the twinkle lights. How he looked as he leaned down to kiss me for the first time. His crooked grin, sapphire eyes… the images ran like a slide show in front of my eyes, faster and faster until I was dizzy. I reached out and steadied myself against the wall.
“Hey, are you sure you’re up to this?” Tim put his arm around my waist, and I leaned into him.
Then the tears started. I couldn’t get them to stop. They just kept coming, one after another after another until I thought I’d drown in them. I buried my head in Tim’s shoulder and cried silently, trying not to draw attention to myself. I had enough attention without everyone seeing me have a mental break in front of my second-period English class.
“Let’s go. We’re outta here,” Tim said, pulling me gently away from the door.
I shook my head and wiped the tears off my face. “I can do it,” I whispered. I raised my head from Tim’s shoulder. That was when I saw him. He was standing about five feet away, staring at me. His jaw set in hard lines. It was the first time I’d seen him since he left my house. Since I told him I didn’t love him. I opened my mouth to say something, shaking my head slightly. There was so much I needed to tell him, but his face was closed off, and I knew I’d ruined everything I had with Brody. I looked at him once more, pleading with my eyes for him to give me some sign that he understood. When he just stared at me, his jaw clenching and unclenching, I dropped my gaze to the floor, turned, and walked into class.
I wished Tim had English with me so he could switch seats with Brody again. But, in the end, I didn’t need to worry. Brody found someone else to switch with. I didn’t know where he sat. I forced myself not to look. I just knew he wasn’t near me. It should have made things easier, but for some reason, it didn’t. It made everything worse. I didn’t understand why, and I didn’t have the energy to try to figure it out.
The rest of the day continued much the same way. Tim met me at each class and gathered my things for me, carrying them to my next class. In each, Brody had found another seat.
At lunch, I sat with Jaden and his group of friends. I didn’t eat—I lived on high-caffeine energy drinks and nothing else—and I didn’t go to Jenna and Tim’s table to say ‘hi’ like I used to. I was afraid Brody would be there. Instead, I stared straight ahead, not speaking unless someone spoke to me. Jaden was oblivious.
When the day was finally over and Jenna dropped me off at home, I went to my room and lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I didn’t go down for dinner. I never left my room. No one noticed, or no one cared. Either way, they left me alone and that was how I preferred it.
My phone chimed around nine o’clock. I sighed and read the message.
Jenna: How’d it go?
Me: Don’t really want to talk about it.
Jenna: Ok. I’m here when you do.