This is a work of nonfiction. Nonetheless, some names, identifying details and personal characteristics of the individuals involved have been changed. In addition certain people who appear in these pages are composites of a number of individuals and their experiences.
Copyright © 2020 by Glennon Doyle
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by The Dial Press, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.
THE DIAL PRESS is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.
Acknowledgment is made to M. Peck Scott (The Road Less Traveled) and William James (The Varieties of Religious Experience) for their presentation of the “the unseen order of things.”
In addition, acknowledgment and appreciation is expressed to Professor Randall Balmer, whose 2014 Politico article “The Real Origins of the Religious Right” informed and impacted the “Decals” chapter of this book.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprint previously published materiaclass="underline"
Daniel Ladinsky: “Dropping Keys” adapted from the Hafiz poem by Daniel Ladinsky from The Gift: Poems by Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky, copyright © 1999 by Daniel Ladinsky. Used with permission.
W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.: Five lines from “A Secret Life” from Landscape at the End of the Century by Stephen Dunn, copyright © 1991 by Stephen Dunn. Used with permission of W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.
Writers House LLC: Excerpt from “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., published in TheAtlantic.com. This article appears in the special MLK issue print edition with the headline “Letter From Birmingham Jail” and was published in the August 1963 edition of The Atlantic as “The Negro Is Your Brother,” copyright © 1963 by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and copyright renewed 1991 by Coretta Scott King. Reprinted by arrangement with The Heirs to the Estate of Martin Luther King Jr., c/o Writers House as agents for the proprietor New York, NY.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Doyle, Glennon, 1976– author.
Title: Untamed / Glennon Doyle.
Description: New York : The Dial Press, 2020.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019047945 (print) | LCCN 2019047946 (ebook) | ISBN 9781984801258 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781984801265 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Doyle, Glennon, 1976– | Married women—United States—Biography. | Wambach, Abby, 1980– —Family. | Lesbians—United States—Biography. | Christian biography.
Classification: LCC CT275.M469125 A3 2020 (print) | LCC CT275.M469125 (ebook) | DDC 306.89/3—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019047945
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019047946
Cover Design by Lynn Buckley
Cover Illustration © Leslie David
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Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Prologue: Cheetah
Part One: Caged
Sparks
Apples
Blow Jobs
Directions
Polar Bears
Tick Marks
Algorithms
Gatherings
Rules
Dragons
Arms
Part Two: Keys
Feel
Know
Imagine
Let It Burn
Part Three: Free
Aches
Ghosts
Smiles
Goals
Adam and Keys
Ears
Terms
Erikas
Beach Houses
Temperatures
Mirrors
Eyes
Gardens
Vows
Touch Trees
Buckets
Attendants
Memos
Poems
Boys
Talks
Woods
Cream Cheeses
Bases
Islands
Boulders
Bloodbaths
Racists
Questions
Permission Slips
Concessions
Knots
Decals
Girl Gods
Conflicts
Streams
Lies
Deliveries
Invaders
Comfort Zones
Elmer’s
Luckies
Buzzes
Sandcastles
Guitars
Braids
Seconds
Ideas
Sidelines
Levels
Epilogue: Human
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Also by Glennon Doyle
About the Author
About Together Rising
Two summers ago, my wife and I took our daughters to the zoo. As we walked the grounds, we saw a sign advertising the park’s big event: the Cheetah Run. We headed toward the families scouting out their viewing spots and found an empty stretch along the route. Our youngest, Amma, hopped up on my wife’s shoulders for a better view.
A peppy blond zookeeper in a khaki vest appeared. She held a megaphone and the leash of a yellow Labrador retriever. I was confused. I don’t know much about animals, but if she tried to convince my kids that this dog was a cheetah, I was getting a Cheetah Run refund.
She began, “Welcome, everybody! You are about to meet our resident cheetah, Tabitha. Do you think this is Tabitha?”
“Nooooo!” the kids yelled.
“This sweet Labrador is Minnie, Tabitha’s best friend. We introduced them when Tabitha was a baby cheetah, and we raised Minnie alongside Tabitha to help tame her. Whatever Minnie does, Tabitha wants to do.”
The zookeeper motioned toward a parked jeep behind her. A pink stuffed bunny was tied to the tailgate with a fraying rope.
She asked, “Who has a Labrador at home?”
Little hands shot into the air.
“Whose Lab loves to play chase?”
“Mine!” the kids shouted.
“Well, Minnie loves to chase this bunny! So first, Minnie will do the Cheetah Run while Tabitha watches to remember how it’s done. Then we’ll count down, I’ll open Tabitha’s cage, and she’ll take off. At the end of the route, just a hundred meters that way, there will be a delicious steak waiting for Tabitha.”
The zookeeper uncovered Tabitha’s cage and walked Minnie, eager and panting, to the starting line. She signaled to the jeep, and it took off. She released Minnie’s leash, and we all watched a yellow Lab joyfully chase a dirty pink bunny. The kids applauded earnestly. The adults wiped sweat from their foreheads.
Finally it was time for Tabitha’s big moment. We counted down in unison: “Five, four, three, two, one…” The zookeeper slid open the cage door, and the bunny took off once again. Tabitha bolted out, laser focused on the bunny, a spotted blur. She crossed the finish line within seconds. The zookeeper whistled and threw her a steak. Tabitha pinned it to the ground with her oven-mitt paws, hunkered down in the dirt, and chewed while the crowd clapped.
I didn’t clap. I felt queasy. The taming of Tabitha felt…familiar.
I watched Tabitha gnawing that steak in the zoo dirt and thought: Day after day this wild animal chases dirty pink bunnies down the well-worn, narrow path they cleared for her. Never looking left or right. Never catching that damn bunny, settling instead for a store-bought steak and the distracted approval of sweaty strangers. Obeying the zookeeper’s every command, just like Minnie, the Lab she’s been trained to believe she is. Unaware that if she remembered her wildness—just for a moment—she could tear those zookeepers to shreds.