“I feel so much better after that shower,” Jude said from the kitchen.
Taylor wrapped his right hand over the other, hiding it from her. He just hoped he hid the fear he felt as well. “What?” he asked, looking over. She was the vision of the beauty he fell in love with. Her hair shone under the light, her happiness too bright to hide in her blue-green eyes. She wore his boxer shorts and college T-shirt, giving him flashbacks of the first time they were together.
She repeated herself, “I needed a shower. I smelled.” She shook her head. “So embarrassing.”
Staring at her, he said, “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Are you okay?” She quirked her head to the side and stared at him. “You seem distant?”
Turning back to his table and the house rendering, he tried to ignore the disease that wouldn’t give up on him. “I’m fine. I’m tired. I’m sure you are, too.”
“Exhausted,” she replied dramatically, but when he didn’t respond to her antics, she walked to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong? For real. What’s going on?”
Her hands were warmth and strength, reassurance, and patience. He wanted to give her the same in return, so he secured his voice and covered what he should be telling her with what he needed to tell her. “We have an appointment with my lawyer at ten tomorrow. We’ll get your rights back whether they’re granted to you or me, your family will no longer have access or control over you.”
She squeezed and gently rubbed. “That’s great news. Thank you. You’re very tense. Maybe you should take a hot shower too.”
He took a deep breath and straightened his face, holding steady. Taking her by the hips, he said, “Yeah, that might help.”
Leaning down, she took his face between her hands and kissed him. There was more than passion exchanged. There was a promise of a happy life. And Jude felt safe once again. Sitting on his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it bad that I’m still craving Chinese food?”
Now that made him laugh. “I can’t believe you’re hungry after that big meal, but if you want Chinese food, you’ve got. I’ll order it now.”
She kissed his head. “I knew you loved me.”
“You’re right. I do.”
Pausing, they let a quaint silence surround them as they spun to look out the window at the city beyond. “When did you start loving me, Hazel?”
“The first time I saw you.” Chartreuse dress. Red snow boots. Wrapped in chaos and breathing life into a party that was stale, and a heart that had gone cold.
“So was it the double dipping that won you over?”
“No. Although that was quite the turn-on,” he said sarcastically. “It was watching you dance to the music all by yourself.”
Her head tilted back and she laughed. “That makes me sound weird.”
“Not weird at all. Quirky, yes. But you were the most magnificent sight I’d ever seen. You were touchy and completely invading everyone’s space—”
“Especially yours.”
“You didn’t have to invade mine. I happily surrendered the moment you looked into my eyes.”
“Hazel.”
He held her and kissed her shoulder. “You smell sweet. I’m glad to have you back.”
“Not more glad than I am to be back.” She bent down to kiss his lips, then pressed them to his ear instead, and whispered, “I’ll spend my life trying to repay you, but let me start by saying thank you.”
Turning, he closed his eyes as his cheek rubbed against hers. “I’d rather you spend your life happy, free to be who you are, and with me.”
“Me too. With you. Everything with you.” She released him and stood up. “I’m going to rest until the food gets here.”
Tugging on her shirt, he agreed. “I’ll wake you when it arrives.”
Her finger traced his jaw, then tapped his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
With a smirk, she replied, “Impossible,” and disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the door cracked open.
Taylor ordered the food and then sat on the couch with his head in his hands. Bitterness was seeping into his heart, the disease attempting to steal his future out from under him.
Money, power, talent, connections. None of it mattered. The disease he fought against couldn’t be bought, sold, or traded. Bartered or deterred. His disease was set to destroy all that was good in him, all that was worth having, worth living. He would leave this earth one day too soon, but more than this world, he didn’t want to leave Jude.
THE FOOD WAS delivered and from the bedroom, Jude heard the rustle of the plastic coming from the kitchen. She didn’t hear Hazel though. He was eerily quiet and it bothered her, twisting her stomach in knots.
With her eyes open, she watched as he opened the bedroom door slowly and paused, his dark body silhouetted by the light from the kitchen. Her words got stuck in her throat. She so desperately wanted him to speak first, to tell her everything’s going to be okay. But as the bed dipped and she felt Hazel’s body against hers, she also felt more than his weight. She felt his burden. In the dark room, he sat there, not moving, not attempting to wake her. He sat there next to her drowning in his pain.
“Hazel?” She rubbed his lower back, but he didn’t turn. “Let me in. Please.”
“You have so much shit to deal with. You don’t need mine.”
“I want your… shit.” She laughed softly. “That sounds bad, but you know what I mean.”
He didn’t laugh, but whispered, “I do.”
Her hand continued to touch him. “Don’t hide things from me. Everyone hides things from me. To me, you’re honesty and trust. Please let me be the same for you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
She sat up. “You can’t. You won’t. Don’t you see? You heal me.” She had felt his pain before but when their eyes connected, she saw his pain for the first time.
“I’m going to die, Jude. It could be ten years from now.”
She could feel the weight of the universe through the tense muscles of his shoulders and she rubbed to ease them. A silence hung between them and she started to wonder if he would ever fully share his burdens with her. He had given himself so selflessly to her, to be the strong one for her. What he didn’t realize was that she could be that for him. She would be his comfort, his lover, his companion, and his wife for life. “It could be seventy.”
Sliding around, she was across his lap and caressing his neck when he said, “Tell me you’ll love me no matter what?”
“I’ll show you.” She kissed him as she pushed him back on the bed.
“I thought you were hungry?”
“I am,” she said, straddling him. “Ravenous.” And kissed him.
The Chinese food was room temperature when they wandered into the kitchen an hour later. They ate at the bar as the sun set. The apartment was peacefully quiet, both of them content for the time being.
With full bellies, they got up and cleaned, put the extra food in the fridge, and went into the living room. She sat on the couch, he at the drafting table. After picking up a ruler, he watched his hand as he pressed it to the paper, waiting to see if it would shake or not. It didn’t, so with a pencil in his right, he completed a line since his hands were cooperating.
Jude opened a book from the case and pretended to read, but when he wasn’t looking, her eyes were on Hazel. His glasses were on, his hair a mess, shirtless, boxer shorts, and like a god from ancient histories past, he was too good for this world. A cruel fate would reclaim him and one day she would be alone again. Alone didn’t bother her as much as his death did.
“Do you love what you do? Creating? Architecting?” she asked with a smile as she lay down lengthwise.