“Remember in California when you said something about my birthday being a ‘crisis birthday’?”
“Yeah.”
“It was a crisis,” she whispered. “I turned forty.”
Time passed. It felt like minutes, but it was only seconds. “You’re forty.” He didn’t say it as a question. He didn’t move and didn’t utter another word. Her hand was still in his, but again, he could feel she’d tensed up.
“You’re in shock. I should have known.” Kate wiggled her fingers, trying to get out of his grip, but David didn’t release her. Shock or not, he didn’t want to let go.
“I’m just trying to get my head around this. You aren’t what I think a forty-year-old woman is going to be like.”
“I don’t know if I should be insulted by that.”
“Don’t be. It came out wrong.”
“I understand if you have a problem with it. I mean, you’re twenty-nine and I’m… well… I’m not.”
“No, you’re not.” David kept holding on, he couldn’t let her go, but he shifted position again and looked out across the town square. “Do you have a problem with it?
“The age difference?” She shrugged and there was a little flicker in her eyes. It was entirely possible she’d be the one who put a stop to the relationship. Forget the age thing, his reputation alone might send her running. “I should have said something to you sooner,” she said.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Honestly?” Looking up, her eyes looked sad, and David felt a tightness around his heart that he’d never felt before. “I never thought I’d see you again,” she said. “Considering who you are, I was shocked you asked me to dinner.”
Did she really think he wasn’t interested? Leaning in, David absorbed the sweet smell of her hair before dropping a kiss on her forehead. He liked her, probably too much for his own good, but he couldn’t help but think the years between them might be too much.
“I should let you go, I guess.” She was running. Her voice was small and he could tell she was upset. There had to be something he could say to reassure her, but his mind blanked.
“I’ll talk to you,” he said. Then, not being able to stop himself, David kissed her once more. And then again. “Night.”
“Bye.”
Kate got in her car without looking at him and he turned and went toward his. Forty? Was he supposed to be attracted to a forty-year-old woman? Usually the girls he saw hovered around twenty-three, maybe twenty-five. They were beautiful and entertaining. But they were girls. Self-centered, unremarkable, unimpressive girls.
For the first time in his dating life, David had gotten involved with a woman. And the woman was way out of his league.
*
The ride home wasn’t bad. Maybe fifteen minutes, and it gave Kate time to adjust to the fact that while marriage to Richard Nicholls could probably be termed a nightmare, being single and forty was going to suck in its own way.
There were so many things wrong with a relationship with David. Unfortunately, the fact that Kate liked him, really liked him, was getting in the way of reason. He was funny and he was so smart. That was something she never expected. He was educated and well read. He knew about politics and world affairs. He was big, athletic, gorgeous, and brilliant. What a way to blow the stereotype.
But he was too young for her… or rather, she was too old for him, and the look on his face when she told him how old she was really hurt. He did a good job hiding his discomfort, and when he said he’d talk to her, she almost called him a liar. She wouldn’t hear from him. In all honesty, she didn’t know if she wanted to. He’d never stay interested.
The bitter pill she had to swallow was that it wouldn’t just be David. She’d pretty much figured this would be her life.
Young, old—it didn’t really matter. Richard, the dirty bastard, hadn’t just cheated on her. He’d condemned Kate to the life of many women her age whose husbands had found other women. She wasn’t the type to try to find dates online, and in truth, she led a pretty solitary life. She had a few friends, and even though her family didn’t live nearby, she was close to them.
But even knowing that, she’d never felt more alone. She would face the loneliness, the pitying looks, the rejection, and Richard would have his new wife until he got tired of her and found someone else. Kate, on the other hand, would have experiences like the one tonight. Nice man, lovely evening, but nothing would come of it. Everyone kept saying forty was the new thirty. She had a feeling those people weren’t divorced and alone.
Kate swallowed hard. Bitterness wasn’t becoming, and it wasn’t something she was comfortable with, so she tamped it down as she pulled in her driveway.
After she threw the car into park, Kate stared at her house. It was beautiful, but she wondered if she should sell it and make a fresh start somewhere else.
Maybe when Laura went away to college she’d think about it.
Maybe by then she’d find the nerve.
Chapter 4
‡
His doorbell rang for what felt like the thousandth time that night, but he didn’t mind.
David was glad he was home this year. He hated when they had a game on Halloween and no one was there to answer the door for the kids. Twelve bags of candy later, things seemed to be slowing down.
He liked kids. They were honest—no bullshit. Someday he’d like to have a few of his own, but the way things were going, it was a long way off. He certainly wasn’t going to give any of the usual women in his life a baby. They were so wrapped up in themselves he doubted they’d have time to be mothers. Of course, he wasn’t exactly model father material either.
Over the past few weeks, ever since he had dinner with Kate, David had been questioning everything in his life. He didn’t know if he wanted to settle down or even if he could, but he wasn’t happy with his partying bachelor existence either. Granted, the sex was great, or it used to be. Lately, he wasn’t interested in seeing anyone. He just didn’t care. Dating the kind of girls he did was pointless. They were shallow and self-absorbed, and what David had talked about with Kate was true—no one ever really cared about anything but appearances. He took his dates to the right restaurants, the right clubs. They were seen with the right people, but nothing felt right. Nothing felt right since he’d been with Kate.
He’d messed up bad when he ran scared because of her age, but what really finished it off was running into her in New York last weekend.
The city had fucking nine million people and they’d managed to end up in the same restaurant last Sunday morning. She was with an older woman; he was with Chelsea and two of their friends. He would never forget the look on Kate’s face when she saw them. How she tried to slip out unnoticed and how he felt like the biggest shit on the planet.
David looked at the clock. His friends were out at a bar someplace, but lately he’d been stalked by a couple of overly ambitious photographers. He’d been trying to get them off his back, but he wasn’t having any luck. For some reason, he was news, and he couldn’t figure out why. Going out would just give them something to sell, so he decided to stay in rather than risk it.
Irritated that his movements were being controlled by other people, he grabbed his jacket and keys and headed out for a walk. He was restless, and he kept dwelling on the fact that even though his professional life was great, on the personal front it was anything but. The season seemed to start well, but he didn’t seem to be helping the team. Nothing was more frustrating than feeling like he made absolutely no difference.
It was after nine and the street was still busy, but it was more adults than kids who were crowding the sidewalks and coming out of restaurants and bars. Some wore costumes and some just enjoyed the cool fall evening. He decided to get himself a cup of coffee and took a short walk to the local bookstore. He hadn’t gotten ten feet in the door when he faced a huge display of Kate’s books and a poster announcing when she would be making a visit.