When he finally broke the kiss, David leaned back slightly and gazed at her. “I want to be with you. I messed up so bad, but I want to be with you.”
“You may think I’m what you want, but I’m not.” As much as it hurt, Kate shook her head.
It was over. Kate nodded and reached up, covering his hand with her own.
“Kate, please…”
“I can’t do this with you,” she whispered. “I just can’t risk it.”
The quiet that settled between them led to a feeling of resignation. They were over before either of them had a chance to make it matter. Kate looked in his eyes and saw everything she ever wanted. Love. She saw love there, but for some reason she couldn’t trust it was only for her.
“I think it’s a mistake,” he said. “But I won’t bother you anymore.” He stroked her cheek again, still had his fingers tangled in her hair. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
She nodded, but she knew she would never be ready for him. She would never be able to meet his challenge. “Good-bye, David.”
“Good-bye, Kate.” He dropped one last soft kiss on her cheek and left.
Kate stood with David’s jacket still draped over her shoulders. She pulled it around her to ward off the chill, but in doing so she caught a whiff of David’s cologne. And it was the smell, the same one that lingered after they made love, which forced Kate to the conclusion that she wasn’t getting over him anytime soon.
Chapter 13
‡
December
Kate slapped at the screeching alarm clock and stretched her arms over her head as she sat up. Mornings were hard, especially after a night that brought on the story fast and furious. It happened in waves. For days she wouldn’t write anything, and then inspiration would hit and words flowed like water. Last night had been one of those nights.
She threw the covers back, anxious to get back to her manuscript, but instead plopped her feet on the floor to get ready for work. It was seven and her first class was at ten. It was the first time in months that she really looked forward to her writing. The first time in months the day held promise, and Kate didn’t think about how long it would be before she could crawl back into bed. Instead, she thought about running errands and teaching her classes and writing. Maybe seeing David at the benefit wasn’t a bad thing. It allowed her to close the door on him and move on.
Even though it hurt like hell.
Kate’s mood dropped by degrees as she thought about her real life. It got more complicated when she looked up and Laura stared at her from the door of her room. Tan from her time in the Caribbean, Laura’s dark hair had picked up some subtle highlights and was pulled into a tight ponytail. Her jeans rode too low and her sweater rode too high. But it was her eyes, sharp, dark, and blazing, that were telling Kate this was not going to be an easy morning.
“You were up late,” she said.
“I was working. I have some revisions to make on the new book.”
Laura sauntered in. She was still angry about the vacation Kate took and had been shooting daggers at her mother for a week. “Still can’t get it right?”
Kate was in no mood for this. Her stomach was a little jumpy, probably from lack of sleep, and she changed the subject to avoid a confrontation at the crack of dawn. “Aren’t you going to miss your bus?”
Several inches taller, Laura stared down at her mother. “I’m going to Dad’s after school and I won’t be home till about nine. Marie is helping me with a writing assignment.”
Kate had to admit Laura was getting good at cheap shots, but something about the argument felt contrived, like Laura had planned to pick a fight. She wondered if it helped Laura feel better, if it justified the bad feelings between them. Might as well give her what she wanted. Kate took the bait. “What’s the assignment?”
“It’s a creative piece.” Laura stuck her nose in the air and tried to be indifferent. “Nothing you would understand.”
“Well, that insult was quite predictable.” Kate walked to her closet and picked up her robe. “Don’t let Marie force you into using that bombastic prose she’s so fond of. It’ll weigh down your story.”
“Marie is a brilliant writer,” Laura declared.
“Really?” Kate tilted her head and decided to stoop to her daughter’s level, just for fun. “Let me know when she’s joining me on the bestseller list and I’ll be the first to bow down to her talent.” Her daughter’s face twisted in anger.
“What do you know?” Laura snapped. “With the violence and the sex, your books are just… just… trash.”
“Trash?” Kate’s breath caught before she broke into a stunned smile. “Your father should be thanking his lucky stars for my trash.” Richard was unbelievable, he’d brainwashed her. Her trash was paying for his life. He should shut the hell up. “My writing is light fare compared to what other people are doing and it’s never going to win me a Pulitzer, but I’m very proud of my work.”
“Someday Marie will win a Pulitzer,” Laura said.
Kate sat at her dressing table and watched her daughter in the mirror. The girl was standing her ground. Her back was straight, her arms were folded. It hurt Kate that she was so protective of Marie, a woman who had been part of the destruction of their family. Kate met Laura’s gaze and sent out her last shot.
“Someone would actually have to like one of her books for that to happen.”
“People love her books.”
“What?!” Now Kate was fighting back the laughter. “The reviews of her last book were scathing. One said it was a crime that trees were sacrificed for her ‘incoherent nonsense’.”
Laura’s lips were pursed, her neck was tight, and the sheer frustration in her face told Kate that Laura was done being subtle.
“I’m going to live with Daddy. That’s why you’re seeing the lawyers today.”
Well, there it was. It hurt Kate to think about losing her rights to see her daughter, but seeing Laura’s face, she wondered if it hurt her, too. Something was not right about all of this, about the anger and the accusations. Laura seemed tired of the fight.
Kate turned and faced her beautiful daughter. How had things gotten this bad? “I know, but I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Why should you care? You never wanted me.” She spouted more of Richard’s lies, but Laura’s tears were real. She believed what she said; believed all the things her father told her.
“Laura, that is not true. I wanted you. I wanted you so much.”
“Daddy said…”
Kate held up her hand. “I don’t care what he said. He doesn’t know my heart.” Kate approached and laid a hand on Laura’s face. “You are my child and I will always love you. On this point, your father has not told you the truth. Deep down, you know that.”
Laura stared at Kate and swallowed hard. “I have to go to school.”
“Have a good day. Let me know if you need to be picked up.”
She shrugged. “I think Dad said he would bring me home.”
“Fine.”
The tightness in Laura’s voice told Kate her girl was holding back. Kate had the feeling a reservoir of emotion was waiting to break through the cool exterior she’d fashioned, and a glimmer of warmth formed in the pit of Kate’s stomach. Maybe her baby did feel something, maybe she wasn’t as cold as her father tried to make her, but Kate wouldn’t find out that morning as Laura turned on her heel and bolted down the stairs.
A few minutes later, the back door closed and Kate dropped to the bed, blowing out a breath. There was a point when she was sure she didn’t have a chance in hell of having a relationship with Laura, but now… something about the way Laura looked at her, a split second softening, that told Kate it wasn’t all bad between them, that maybe Laura missed having a mother. It was a mere kernel of hope, but Kate would take what she could get.