“I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”
“I’m sorry you ever doubted how I feel about you, Ronin.” She tipped his head back and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about taking the Okada job. But I promise it wasn’t because I wanted to hurt you. Or that I don’t value you or your opinion. I fucked up by not telling you. It won’t happen again. And I’d planned to come over last night and apologize before I found out about Naomi.”
“Thank you. Apology accepted.”
“Now. Don’t you have something else to say to me?”
Ronin twined a section of her hair around his finger. “I’m the luckiest man on earth because you love me.”
“Not that.” She placed her palms on his cheeks and tilted his face back. “You know it scares me that you won’t discuss what the doctor said at your follow-up appointment.”
Her fingertips brushed the tops of his ears, and he discreetly ducked his head to free himself from her touch. After years of fighting, his slightly disfigured cauliflower ears were a source of embarrassment for him and the main reason he wore his hair long—to cover them up.
“Ronin, I’m not letting this go.”
“The neurologist is being overly cautious. He insisted no contact sports and no practice with contact sports for six months. Then in the next breath he said—” He stopped. He didn’t want to tell her this.
Because you don’t want to believe it.
“Come on. Your life is an open book to me. No secrets, remember?”
Ronin couldn’t look at her. “He said that medical science was only now starting to understand the effects of repetitive brain trauma, and hopefully by the time some of those symptoms showed in me—because it was a given that they would—there’d be better drugs and medical options to treat it.”
“So you’re worried about long-term effects?”
“I wasn’t until he brought it up,” he said dryly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I hate the thought of you walking away from me now because of how I might be in the future. Jesus, Amery, I realize how goddamn selfish that sounds.”
Amery curled her hands around his face. “Let’s focus on the short term for now, okay? Just getting you through the next six months without you stepping into the ring or sneaking into underground clubs to prove you’re the biggest badass in town, okay?”
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “Okay.”
“And if you’re worried that I’ll think you less than a man because you’re temporarily sidelined? Think again. You’ll always be more man than I can possibly handle.”
Ronin was stunned by the depth of her acceptance.
“I take it you haven’t mentioned your doctor’s suggestions to your instructors or your sister?”
“No.” A soft chuckle rumbled out. “I had this plan to continue to throw myself into Black and Blue Promotions, leave the training schedule as is, with me focusing on working with the lower-belt classes, thinking maybe no one would notice.”
“They’ll notice. Whether anyone would mention it is another matter. I won’t meddle in your business decisions, but when it comes to your health and happiness? I have a personal stake in it, and I expect full disclosure. Even if it scares you.”
Ronin wanted to turn the tables and demand full disclosure from her on whether they’d be permanently sharing living space during those six months.
“So now tell me the rest of it.”
“The rest of what?”
“What Naomi said last night. Her threats to you.”
“Psycho fucking broad wiped her red lipstick off on my shirt.”
“Shiori did see that much. She worried Naomi might’ve gotten violent with you.” Amery studied him for a beat and said, “But that isn’t what worries you—that I’ll find lipstick on your collar.”
“No. Evidently Naomi visited Twisted. She talked to the manager, and he mentioned I hadn’t done a rope demo in a while.” He watched her face carefully. “Naomi said if you weren’t willing to be my rope model at the club then she’d volunteer.”
Amery paled but rallied with, “What else did she say?”
“Baby, it’s not important.”
“Yes, it is. So tell me.”
Ronin jammed his hand through his hair. “She said your unwillingness to be publicly bound speaks of your shame and undermines my expertise. She reminded me of something I’d said to her on more than one occasion—that teachers don’t let students dictate the lessons.”
She paled further, if that were possible.
“Do you see why I didn’t want to tell you?” When he reached for her, she backed up.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t let her get inside your head either,” he said curtly. “What happens between us—”
“It sounds like what doesn’t happen between us is an issue.” Amery rounded the end of the counter and snagged her coffee cup. Then she walked to the windows at the far side of the dining room and stared out.
Was he supposed to go to her? Or leave her be?
How would you want her to act toward you in this situation?
He’d want her to give him some time to think. So he gave it to her.
Ronin had finished two cups of coffee by the time she wandered back into the kitchen. He waited for her to speak.
“Do you remember when you told me about being a rope master, you said that you are also a teacher? And part of who you are is teaching people who are interested in the art the right way to do things?”
He nodded.
“And regardless if I wanted to participate in your kinbaku or shibari demonstrations, you would be giving those demonstrations on another rope model?”
Yes—but that was before he’d fallen in love with her.
“Somehow, in the time we’ve spent together in the past few weeks, that issue hasn’t come up. Maybe I’d hoped it was out of sight, out of mind . . . but it’s never that simple. It’s also unfair to you if I refuse to be your model in a public venue.” Amery affixed her troubled gaze to his. “You know I’m fine with what we do when we’re alone together. I didn’t even blush too much when your sister made it clear she knew we wouldn’t be together if I weren’t into your ropes.”
“Did Shiori say anything else?”
“Just that you were a record holder and your mother and grandfather are aware of your rope skills.”
“But that is not common knowledge. So I figured my grandfather must’ve mentioned my . . . proclivities to Naomi’s family.” He paused. “You know how after you figure something out, you think, Why didn’t I see the signs? Naomi had no qualms about letting me bind her with rope, right away. That should’ve been my tip-off she’d been warned about my rope master status.”
Amery cocked her head thoughtfully. “Maybe her need for . . . more of the S and M side of BDSM should’ve clued you in that she wasn’t a stranger to bondage and sex clubs and that you didn’t somehow ‘turn’ her because she’d been in the lifestyle before she met you.”
Why hadn’t he considered that?
“I never asked if you went to Twisted when we were apart. Not that I’d hold it against you, but I have to know if you did.”
“Yes. I did bind someone else at the club. In a private room, not a public demo.”
She stared into her coffee cup. “Who?”
“A model I’ve used in the past.”
“What happened afterward?”
“You know that I don’t fuck rope models, Amery.”
“Except me,” she said softly.
“That’s not the same thing. After I tie you, I fuck you because we’re alone, because you want me to, because I want to absorb your bound beauty into me, and because I love you, goddammit.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a teacher. You want to show off your skills and demonstrate the right way to use shibari and kinbaku. How long before you’re demanding that I get on board with it?”