There was an explosion at the end of the city, an orange fireball, briefly blossoming, as fire raced through the air in the second before it dispersed. The Worldbreaker beam had ruptured the first of the city’s habitation caverns. A halo of debris fanned out, the force of the explosion combining with the city’s angular momentum to hurl the outermost parts of the city surface outside the range of the Worldbreaker’s beam. A shockwave travelled along the city as the beam bored deeper. The cluster of structures that had included Anastasia Zhu’s starscraper disintegrated in an instant.
The city was in the centre of an expanding wave of debris. Olzan could see great hunks of rock and metal looming at them, backlit by the flickering green of the Worldbreaker beam. The leading surface was travelling outwards faster than the Seagull, propelled by the force of the explosion.
They had reached the Thousand Names. Brenn had almost matched velocities with them, so the Seagull floated through the cargo bay doors and settled gently into the elastic cargo webbing. Olzan pushed himself off the landing gear and hand-walked across the webbing towards the airlock to the ship’s spine. Through the closing doors he could see the city breaking up into great chunks, its original shape gone.
‘Brenn, we’re secure,’ he said as the airlock door opened. ‘Get us the hell out of here.’ Keldra was just behind him. He grabbed her hand and helped her into the airlock. The lock drifted around them as the ship began to turn, but he didn’t feel the acceleration of a full burn.
They took the transit module to the forward ring, and Olzan ran to the bridge. The entire crew was there. On the screen, the last slivers of Konrad’s Hope were disappearing into the Worldbreaker’s mouth.
‘Brenn, what’s the matter?’ he said. ‘Why aren’t we at full burn?’
‘There’s a glitch in the main engine,’ Vazoya answered for him. She was standing next to him, her hand on his shoulder. ‘We’ve got manoeuvring thrusters but no main.’
‘I’m working on it!’ Tarraso snapped from the engineering console before Olzan could say anything. ‘We need to run a fuel line purge…’
‘There’s no time,’ Olzan said. ‘Wreck the fuel lines if you have to.’
‘We’re on it, Olzan!’ Vazoya stepped away from Brenn’s side and pushed into Olzan’s face. She glanced at Keldra, standing behind Olzan. ‘Maybe if you and your friend hadn’t taken so long saving your precious artefact—’
‘Too late.’ Brenn’s voice was without emotion.
They all looked to the screen. A jagged shard of rock was hurtling at them out of the darkness. The manoeuvring thrusters were pushing them aside, but not quickly enough.
There was a gut-wrenching impact sound, an impression of flames and of the room’s wall buckling inwards, and then something struck Olzan’s head and he lost consciousness.
Lucas Bale
To Sing of Chaos and Eternal Night
Originally published in No Way Home, edited by Lucas Bale and Alex Roddie, Dark Matter Publishing, 2015
There is no gentle beckoning each time I die. Only a cold, empty darkness—a silent abyss where not even time exists. Nothing about it could be described as poetic; it is feral and strips away every shred of dignity that I might once have considered precious. There is no way to prepare for the first time, and mine was more horrifying than anything I have ever known, like drowning in an infinite ocean of black. After dying a thousand times, you’d think it might get easier, but it doesn’t. It’s just different.
Around me, the wind purls across cold rock and slips between tall reeds. Rain begins to fall. I look up and the night sky is veiled by charcoal cloud. I’m disorientated and, for a moment, I can’t say where I am. I have no memories. I clutch for them, but find nothing there beyond an empty void—my thoughts are like sand in a tornado. All I know is that I’m lying in a sweating bog, thick with mud. Around me, dozens of charred Widows lie motionless in a clearing the size of a battle cruiser. The only smell in the air is the discharge residue from our weapons, and the smoke from a hundred fires.
As I stare in horror at the armoured shadows, battered and broken, the memories creep back; slowly at first, as if the blackened metal is a subconscious trigger for the nightmare of the last two hours. They flicker, then drift in and out of focus. A scattered few, like flotsam on a grey beach. More come, but still I can’t make them out. Eventually, there is a flood, as if somewhere a vast gate has been opened. I choke on them as they run amok in my mind.
We fought and lost here, in this poisoned, barren place. A Battle Group of Widows, dropped into a snare. It had been tranquil at first, a peaceful night where the whirr of servo-gears and the thump of armoured feet on the marshland were the only sounds. Old soldiers know that time well—when the worst is soon to come. Peace is really the eye of the storm.
Memories are not the only things flaring inside my mind. They are accompanied by an exquisite, visceral agony. Inside this armoured machine, my consciousness feels everything, even pain. The Widow is made that way, so the theory goes, because no man-made system can better nature’s own creation: instead of transmitting real-time data to a central processing unit, and arraying that information for us to react to, a Widow feels its environment immediately. Civilian staff we never see, back on the Penrose, tell us war is more efficient that way; it is the quickest way to communicate the Widow’s condition so we can fix a problem, or work around it, and keep fighting. Pain lets you know you’re alive. When you can’t feel anything, that’s when you know you’ve checked out and you’re asleep.
So dying still hurts like a bastard, just like real life.
Death used to be a part of war. The real soldiers, the ones who got through it and came out the other side, accepted they were already dead. They knew they were ghosts sliding through the fog, waiting for the final door to some other, quieter place. Death was a release from the horror.
Not for me. Not for any of us. Now it’s not even a notch on our prison walls.
Death is when we sleep, and they don’t wait long before they wake us up. We fight, we die; and when we wake, we fight again. There’s no hiatus, no time to breathe. In fact, I doubt time now has any meaning for us—I don’t even know what the date is. I guess I don’t need to know. We are all that stands between humanity and its final genocide, possibly its extinction. None of us can afford to lose focus.
So, really, who gives a shit what day it is?
The Widows are who we are now. They are everything we know.