I think it's really time for me to go to bed.
Good night, Diary.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 15, 2073, Saturday.
On the street +24, windy.
14: 32. At 16:00, the graduation ceremony will begin in our EOPQ. I could have missed it, but Lavender insisted on my presence.
Yesterday passed me by. There is no desire to do anything, so now you need to do something, for example, choose clothes, style your hair and eat Breakfast prepared by Catsu. Why does he continue to take care of me even when I don't show emotion or feelings?
I can never be as worried about anyone without getting something in return. I need a response and emotions. My love will never be selfless, and it makes me feel very sorry for Catsu. He deserves more. I'll apologize to him the next time we meet.
15:43. I'm late, again.
03:07. He proposed to me at the prom. I've been waiting for this and I'm very happy that we will be taking a compatibility test tomorrow. But at the same time, I feel like the meanest person who plays with other people's destinies. And Catsu was so happy to hear me say yes.
03: 13. Everything will be fine. Tomorrow we will be married and can be together for an unlimited amount of time. There were just a lot of surprises that shook the psyche. The course of antidepressants is not finished, which means that I may still be concerned about emotional instability. I just wind myself up; I should just relax and go to bed.
03:31. I need to sleep.
04:06. Sleep.
See you tomorrow, Diary.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 16, 2073, Sunday.
It's +25 outside, cloudy.
09:31. This day will be remembered for the rest of my life, as Catsu and I will become one family, and I still can't believe it. Now we will be even happier, and this feeling will grow with each day spent together. But, because of the uncertain future, I'm scared. Then I'll have a hectic move, a free week alone with Catsu, and go to work. And we will survive all this together.
12:41. All my friends seem to have woken up, as if on a birthday, and wish me good luck and a positive test result. It's nice. Although I do not like that, our communication with them lasts from holiday to holiday and consists in mutual congratulations. Maybe one day I'll have the strength to tell them and stop this pointless circus. Now my favorite makeup artists, hairdressers and fashion designers, whom I trust completely, will come to visit me – my friends.
15:39. I do not agree to live without the extraordinary personalities who are ready to turn the world upside down every minute. Without them, my life would be boring and monotonous nonsense. I can't thank them enough, so I'll repay them with the absolute trust they've earned over the years. And even my dear friends support and comfort me just by their presence. I'm ready for the first step into the unknown.
Wish me luck.
Hello, Diary.
Today is Monday, July 17, 2073.
On the street + 22, clear.
04:21. I had a dream:
Warm summer. I was going to go to the Park to spend some time alone with my sketchbook, pencil, and my thoughts.
It was July 23, 2066, 13: 47. I went out of the house and looked at the Windows of the surrounding houses, making up stories for the residents of these apartments.
For example, in a room with purple curtains and plush toys on the windowsill lived a single girl of 27 years who wanted a child, but after being rejected by the system responsible for the happiness of children, was disappointed in her husband and filed for divorce. At the moment, she works part-time as an organizer of children's matinees.
Writing such stories, I reached the Park and, sitting opposite a small bridge over a pond, began to draw.
After a while, I noticed Him.
Dark curly hair, gray eyes, average height, nothing special about Him, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. Then I drew a picture of Him.
He sat on a bench not far from me and read a book, sometimes washing it down with coffee from a convenience store nearby. And I made the first note: “He's reading one Hundred years of solitude, and he's not dressed for the weather. Perhaps He has health problems, or he is afraid of catching a cold. I want to know His name.”
After that, I drew three more portraits. There could have been a lot more if He hadn't left. Then a sequel appeared in my notes: “He lives in apartment 42, 7th entrance.”
After that, I Packed up my things and left, feeling happy and inspired, as if I had met a famous actor.
When I got home, I opened an empty notebook and wrote: “Day 1 …”, then abruptly woke up.
It wasn't a dream. This can't be a normal dream. It's He, it's definitely He. But why? Why did I see this? I had my memories of Him removed. I shouldn't have seen it. Even with the stress of yesterday's poor test result, I couldn't see it. Why didn't I just jump off that bridge like I did before? I'll go to the hospital.
10:14. Deceive me. My doctor told me everything about the operation. My memory was blocked, not deleted. And because of this, after a stressful situation, I dreamed of our first meeting.
The doctor said that I would completely unlock my memory within this year if there were no more unexpected shocks in my life, and prescribed stronger sedatives. But if their effect is too weak, I will go to a rehabilitation center again, but not for 1 month.
After this statement, I asked why my memories can't just be deleted. And the doctor asked: “Norma, are you ready to give up your life? After deleting these memories, you will become a different person, and you will have to get to know everyone again. Are you sure that your friends will continue to communicate with you if you change?” After that, I left his office and went to get more antidepressants.
I am not ready to give up the reality I am in now, even if I have to endure headaches, insomnia, apathy and a sense of loss. Everything will be all right. In 7 days, Catsu and I will take a second test, and the system will approve our relationship. I just need to wait out this week, get as far away as possible so that Catsu doesn't have a chance to understand how bad I feel.
15:36. I talked to Nora about everything that had happened, and she promised to give me the best possible week in which I wouldn't have a chance to feel bored or sad for a minute. And Mary needs a change of scenery, too. So tomorrow we will go with our family to Kontion – a resort town near the volcano. There are many hot springs and unique species of animals that can only be found in those parts, so now I will pack my suitcase. The main thing is not to forget the camera.
20:57. I told Yuna what had happened and she came to my house in half an hour with a mountain of weaknesses. Yuna knows how to cheer me up. We went from club to club, dancing with different people. Then they joined some group of students who were playing a bottle game on desire.
We were definitely not bored. Especially when the Young girl who lost the game and because of this drank wine in one gulp, came Lily. Before me, a real family drama unfolded, after which I helped carry a friend who had been working up and returned to my room.
Tomorrow the train leaves at 09: 35, so I need to complete my preparations and go to bed as soon as possible.
Good night, Diary.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 18, 2073, Tuesday.
On the street +25, Sunny.
11:42. I was exhausted from the trip yesterday, so I didn't write anything down. This needs to be fixed.
Before leaving, I met with Catsu, and we had the most serious conversation of all time in the relationship. I told him about my feelings about our future.
If we don't pass the compatibility test a second time, the hope of a happy life together will disappear forever. And I'm afraid it will break me completely.
Then the Catsu said: “You need to calm down, Norma. So rest in Kontion, and then we'll talk again. If your opinion does not change, we will not take the test again. Your health is more important now. And after recovery, we can safely return to this.”