He was sitting by the window, in the small work-chair, glaring at me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and glared back. He held up the tiny book in his hand. “What made you pick this up?” he demanded.
“It was full of notes!” I said. “I thought it must be important.”
“It is not important,” he said, although for how angry he seemed over it, I didn’t believe him. “It is useless—it has been useless, for all five hundred years since it was written, and a century of study has not made it anything other than useless.”
“Well, it wasn’t useless today,” I said, folding my arms across my chest.
“How did you know how much rosemary to use?” he said. “How much lemon?”
“You used all sorts of amounts, in those tables!” I said. “I supposed it didn’t much matter.”
“The tables are of failures, you blundering imbecile!” he shouted. “None of them had the least effect — not in any parts, not in any admixture, not with any incantation — what did you do?”
I stared at him. “I used enough to make a nice smell, and steeped them to make it stronger. And I used the chant on the page.”
“There is no incantation here!” he said. “Two trivial syllables, with no power—”
“When I sang it long enough, it made the magic flow,” I said. “I sang it to ‘Many Years,’ ” I added. He went even more red and indignant.
He spent the next hour interrogating me as to every particular of how I had cast the spell, growing ever more upset: I could scarcely answer any of his questions. He wanted exact syllables and repetitions, he wanted to know how close I had been to his arm, he wanted the number of rosemary twigs and the number of peels. I did my best to tell him, but I felt even as I did so that it was all wrong, and finally I blurted out, as he wrote angrily on his sheets, “But none of that matters at all.” His head raised to stare balefully at me, but I said, incoherent yet convinced, “It’s just — a way to go. There isn’t only one way to go.” I waved at his notes. “You’re trying to find a road where there isn’t one. It’s like — it’s gleaning in the woods,” I said abruptly. “You have to pick your way through the thickets and the trees, and it’s different every time.”
I finished triumphantly, pleased to have found an explanation which felt so satisfyingly clear. He only flung down his pen and slumped angrily back in his chair. “That’s nonsense,” he said, almost plaintively, and then stared down at his own arm with an air of frustration: as though he would rather have the corruption back, instead of having to consider that he might be wrong.
He glared at me when I said as much — I was beginning to be in something of a temper by then myself, thirsty and ravenously hungry, still wearing Krystyna’s ragged homespun dress that hung off my shoulder and didn’t keep me warm. Fed up, I stood, ignoring his expression, and announced, “I’m going down to the kitchen.”
“Fine,” he snapped, and stormed off to his library, but he couldn’t bear an unanswered question. Before my chicken soup had even finished cooking, he appeared at the kitchen table again, carrying a new volume of pale blue leather tooled in silver, large and elegant. He set it down on the table next to the chopping block and said firmly, “Of course. It’s that you’ve an affinity for healing, and it led you to intuit the true spell — even though you can’t remember the particulars accurately anymore. That would explain your general incompetence: healing is a particularly distinct branch of the magical arts. I expect you will progress considerably better going forward, once we devote our attention to the healing disciplines. We’ll begin with Groshno’s minor charms.” He lay a hand on the tome.
“Not until I’ve eaten lunch, we won’t,” I said, not pausing: I was chopping carrots.
He muttered something under his breath about recalcitrant idiots. I ignored him. He was happy enough to sit down, and to eat the soup when I gave him a bowl, with a thick slice of peasant bread that I’d made—the day before yesterday, I realized; I had only been out of the tower for a day and a night. It seemed a thousand years. “What happened with the chimaera?” I asked around my spoon as we ate.
“Vladimir’s not a fool, thankfully,” the Dragon said, wiping his mouth with a conjured napkin. It took me a moment to realize he was speaking of the baron. “After he sent his messenger, he baited the thing close to the border by staking out calves and having his pikemen harry it from every other direction. He lost ten of them, but he managed to get it not an hour’s ride from the mountain pass. I was able to kill it quickly. It was only a small one: scarcely the size of a pony.”
He sounded strangely grim about it. “Surely that’s good?” I said.
He looked at me in annoyance. “It was a trap,” he bit out, as though that was obvious to any sensible person. “I was meant to be kept away until the corruption had overrun all of Dvernik, and worn down before I came.” He looked down at his arm, opening and closing his fist. He’d changed his shirt for one of green wool, clasped with gold at the wrist. It covered his arm; I wondered if there were a scar beneath.
“Then,” I ventured, “I did well to go?”
His expression was as sour as milk left out in midsummer. “If anyone could say so when you’ve poured out fifty years’ worth of my most valuable potions in less than a day. Did it never occur to you that if they could be so easily spent, I would give half a dozen flasks to every village headman, and save myself the trouble of ever setting foot in the valley?”
“They can’t be worth more than people’s lives,” I fired back.
“A life before you in the moment isn’t worth a hundred elsewhere, three months from now,” he said. “Listen, you simpleton, I have one bottle of fire-heart in the refining now: I began it six years ago, when the king could afford to give me the gold for it, and it will be finished in another four. If we spend all my supply before then, do you suppose Rosya will generously refrain from firing our fields, knowing that we’ll have starved and sued for peace before we can return the favor? And there are likewise costs for every other vial you spent. All the more because Rosya has three master-wizards who can brew potions, to our two.”
“But we’re not at war!” I protested.
“We will be in the spring,” he said, “if they hear a song of fire-heart and stone-skin and profligacy, and think they might have gained a real advantage.” He paused, and then he added heavily, “Or if they hear a song of a healer strong enough to purge corruption, and think that soon the balance will tip in our favor, instead, when you are trained.”
I swallowed and looked down at my bowl of soup. It was unreal when he spoke of Rosya declaring war because of me, because of things I’d done or what they would imagine I might do. But I remembered again the terror I’d felt on seeing the beacons lit with him gone, knowing just how little I could do to help those I loved. I still wasn’t at all sorry to have taken the potions, but I couldn’t pretend anymore that it mattered nothing whether I ever learned a single spell.
“Do you think I could help Jerzy, once I’ve been trained?” I asked him.
“Help a man already fully corrupted?” The Dragon scowled at me. But then he said, a grudging admission, “You shouldn’t have been able to help me.”
I picked up my bowl and drank the rest of the soup down, and then I put it aside and looked at him across the scarred and pitted kitchen table. “All right,” I said, grimly. “Let’s get on with it.”