“What’s the next step?”
“Not doing that suicidal crap again. You can’t help people if you’re dead. And you can’t kill Apostles, especially when one that has a giant army around it.”
“Got it.”
A rock bounced off his metal arm with a twang, and Jeff lifted his eyes from the embers.
“Don’t lie to me, Handsome.”
“I wish I could kill it,” Jeff said. “I hoped I could learn to press like you guys and use it to try to avenge my brother, my sister-in-law, and their kids. But . . . I . . .”
“But you’re starting to realize that even when you learn to press, there is nothing you can do to change the past. And that sucks.”
“It does.”
“And even worse than that, you’re starting to realize that even with our abilities, this world is still rotten. No matter how much we do, we can’t change things. There are so many people, so many things—all making decisions and creating new paths—that what we can control feels so . . . petty.”
“I just wanted to do it for my brother . . .”
“Revenge isn’t for the dead, Handsome,” Stefani said. She stretched before rolling over and lying on top of her blanket.
“Why do you keep going? Why do you keep doing all of this, and don’t say it’s for the food. I want to know the real reason.”
“I stay with the vagrants because of Carlee.” Stefani didn’t offer more than that, and Jeff was about to comment on how that didn’t seem much better than revenge when she continued. “And I keep getting up every morning because there’s so much in life that I haven’t done or experienced yet. Wouldn’t seem right to give up just yet.”
“I could do with less experiences.”
“I’ve never lost a pair of limbs, but I’ve been shot a few times, stabbed with a knife once as well. Wouldn’t trade away those memories. They’re all part of my path. Landed me here and now.”
“Shot and stabbed? What else are you waiting for then? Burned? Poisoned?”
“I’d like to see more of the world. Have a family. Kill a bunch of warlords. You know—I don’t want to be on my death bed thinking about the things I could have done.”
Stefani sounded vulnerable, almost as if now that she had shared her desires with Jeff, she was exposed to getting shot. He looked over to see her staring up at the stars with her rifle nearby and a small scanner spinning around by her head. Of all the things he had expected to hear, the desire to have a family wasn’t one of them.
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t,” Stefani cut in. “Just . . . let it simmer.”
He had always thought that he’d have a family eventually; everyone in the coalition was required to reproduce if possible. Human societies needed a fresh supply of bodies to replace the casualties. But none of the girls in Fifth Springs had been the type he’d want to share a house with, let alone a life. Charlotte had tried her best to find him someone, but truthfully, she was the only woman he’d ever met whom he thought he might be happy with. And she had married his brother. The only woman until now, that is.
“So, you’re sure Carlee made it through?” Jeff asked.
“You saw what Talon was able to do against those leeches, right?”
“He killed hundreds of them. They were piled high until Petra smashed them and . . . Jane.”
“Talon was a powerful vagrant. He could do things that most of us couldn’t, but he’s no Carl. Not even close.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’m pretty good, but Carlee is one vagrant I wouldn’t want to get into a fight with. She can press things that I can’t get my mind to wrap around. She made it through that leech army. No doubt in my mind.”
“She was so sure that you survived the Apostle encounter as well.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that she’s smart?”
“Is she better than Jane was?” Jeff asked.
“I . . . it’s hard to know. I never saw Jane press anything. I don’t think anyone did.”
“I did. She was pressing in carriers for the naked people. They were big enough to hold fifty or sixty people at once. Talon was defending her.”
“I see . . .” Stefani took a minute to respond. “Well, I wouldn’t put that outside of Carlee’s capabilities, at least since . . . lately. She really is something special. So was Jane but in a different way. No one could sense other paths like Jane, not even Carl, but if I needed someone to press me something important, complicated, or big, I’d take Carl every time.”
A dozen questions raced through his mind faster than Stefani had flown them away from the wreckage of Petra’s domain. It was impossible for him to pick just one to ask.
“So, vagrants can be good at one thing and not another? And how are people more powerful than others, and did Carlee get more powerful somehow, and why didn’t Jane press?”
Stefani chuckled as she glanced over at him, catching him staring across the dying fire at her. He turned away.
“I’m not your teacher. Carl does a much better job at that than I do.”
“Come on—you have to give me something.”
“My secret inner desires weren’t enough for you?”
He stopped himself from saying something without thinking, which was a notable accomplishment. Knowing he could win any fight he got into had only served to loosen his undeliberate mouth over the years.
“Some people are able to form better connections with other realities. I think you know that already. You can do a little bit, unintentionally, while everyone else can do more. Same thing applies; some people are just better at making that connection. I’m better than the other vagrants, and Carlee is better than me. That answer your question?”
“One of them.” The idea of talking openly about how someone might be more talented or gifted than another was strange to him. Inside the coalition, everyone was always supposed to be equal, all the time. It felt like he was breaking the rules by having the conversation, but he basked in it.
“In Fifth Springs, we could never talk about people being better at anything than anyone else.”
“You know why they do that, right?”
“So that they can trick people into working harder, and they can keep the power?” It was his best guess, especially after pondering how the mayor had lied and manipulated everyone in order to keep the firepower of the community under his direct control.
“Maybe. But think about it. When people learn to press, they become too dangerous to stay in one place, and exceptional people tend to figure out how to press. The coalition, in all its wisdom, is trying to prevent everyone from learning how to press and stop them from bringing an Apostle to visit.”
The revelation would have knocked him to the ground if he hadn’t already been lying down. His mind raced over countless memories where the community had forced him to learn to never stand out, a lesson that he had never truly embraced. He had always wanted to be better than other people, and he had always felt guilty about it.
“That makes so much sense! I had never thought about why.” The new information was startling, but his existing questions floated to the top of his mind anyway. “What about Jane not pressing?”
“It’s getting late,” Stefani said.
“It wasn’t late when you were telling me to find meaning in my life.”
“The fire was brighter, and your pretty face made the conversation more interesting.”
“I could toss a log on the fire. I’d press in a lantern, but I wouldn’t want to cause any alarm.”
“Of course.” She actually sounded tired now, and he didn’t blame her for that. She had carried him out of the fray with great effort. They’d been pursued by several leeches at the start of their journey, and the rest of the flight had hardly been easier.
“When you press realities together, there are certain side effects. One of those is that your mind gets a little confused about the reality it’s in. It makes it impossible—well, at least very difficult—to sense other time lines. That’s the main reason why Jane never pressed. She didn’t want to cloud her vision of the other paths.”