She skippers like a pro. Of course she has the perfect outfit, wide blue-and-white stripes and an adorable captain’s hat.
She cuts the engine in a calm bay, puts the girls down for a nap below deck. She returns with a bottle of white and a thumbs-up.
After we’ve shared half the bottle, I say, “Jake’s cheating on me.”
“No!” Her eyes grow huge. “He seems so into you, and you give him all the freedom in the world. Why would he cheat?”
“It’s fine.” I’m sure my laugh sounds contrived. “Frees me up to play with Tommy.”
“Oh my.” Sage’s eyebrows lift. “Have I created a monster?”
“I don’t know. Did you create this?”
“I dragged you up from a life that was clearly no fun.” Her smile gives way, showing a crack of a sneer underneath.
I refill our glasses, draining the bottle. “Why did you invite me out alone?”
“Because it’s time,” Sage says, no pretense left. “Time to give Jake up. He’s mine. We’ve both known for a while.”
“We can share him.”
“I don’t think so.”
She shoves a vial into my hand. I frown and turn it over. There’s no label, nothing to indicate what the ounce or so of liquid is.
“I learned everything about him after I read Rebecca’s Room. It was clear on every page that he wrote it for me.”
I push my wine away. “Most readers say that with fan mail.”
“I wanted his daughter to play with mine. I wanted him to see what a good mother I am so I could replace you.”
Replace me?
“I read about you being swinging singles back in the day, a regular Toronto Scott and Zelda. I knew that was my easiest way in.”
I tap the vial. “What’s in this?”
“You love Hannah so much, you should give her the life I’m offering. She can have the room next to Emmaline’s. She can go to any school, any summer camp, any international exchange. She’ll have the very best chance to be strong enough to take on this sad and crazy world.”
“Are you telling me to kill myself?”
“Might be easier than watching your daughter grow up without you.”
“Why would she grow up without me?”
“Read Jake’s love story for the full answer.”
“He never lets anyone read before his editor.”
Sage cocks an eyebrow. “He let me.”
“That’s not...” I don’t finish the sentence because it’s impossible to accept that Jake let Sage read before me. “Jake can do what he likes, but Hannah stays with me.”
“We’ll let the courts decide, shall we? When Jake moves in with me, he’ll have a fixed address. They’ll award him initial custody. You’ll have to fight to get her back, and I’ll make sure that never happens.”
“The court won’t just give you my daughter.”
“Courts can be bought like anything else. Plus, I have footage of you stoned and drunk and fucking Tommy.”
“Jake d-doesn’t know what Hannah eats for breakfast,” I stammer. “He wouldn’t want full custody.”
“He wants me to be happy.” Sage sighs, a contented cat with nothing left to wish for. “I’ve always wanted two daughters, but Emmaline’s birth was atrocious and I can’t have more. I told Jake he should spend more time with Hannah. Take her to the park, read books with her. I got a great photo of them together on the tire swing.”
Of course. It was too good to be true, Jake wanting to be a better parent spontaneously.
“He agreed to let me tell you. He’s a coward that way. Can’t stand conflict.”
It’s true. Jake couldn’t even fire his first agent. He sent me to their coffee meeting to do it for him.
“He’s packing now,” says Sage. “He’ll be moved into my house by the time we’re back to shore.”
“What about your husband?”
“He’ll keep our New York and Hong Kong apartments. He barely has any business in Vancouver anymore. Honestly, I think he’s relieved.” She stands up to go get us another bottle of wine.
I study the yacht’s control panel. A steering wheel, a gear shift — forward, neutral, reverse. I might give it a few knocks while docking, but I could get the girls safely back to shore.
I picture Hannah growing up in that house. Jake, loving but distant. Sage, disturbed beyond belief.
When Sage turns away, I grab the wine bottle and crash it into the back of her head. She yelps and crumples to the floor. I lift her tiny body over the edge. The water is a thousand feet deep, according to the dashboard GPS. She’ll drown before she comes to.
I’m nearly back at Eagle Harbour when a police boat pulls up beside me. Over the megaphone, they instruct me to cut my engine and allow them to board.
The female officer finds Sage’s phone mounted to the dash. “Didn’t know you were being broadcast?”
In my stomach, I know what’s happened. She wanted to die. Jake might have fucked her senseless, he might have taken her advice to spend more time with Hannah, but he rejected her invitation to a brand-new life. I had what she wanted, what she truly thought was hers, and she needed to take me down with her.
“Our children — they’re sleeping below deck.” I realize with a thud that Sage put them down. If anything happened to Hannah—
I exhale with relief when the officers carry up a groggy Hannah, followed by an equally alive Emmaline.
“Mama?” Hannah reaches for a hug but my hands are cuffed behind me.
Police are waiting in Nanaimo, scrutinizing foot passengers as we enter the terminal.
A tap on my arm. “Could you and the girl step aside?”
The vial digs against my hip.
A few others are pulled aside. Moms mutter, annoyed for the delay. Kids are fussing. Hannah’s enjoying the action, pointing out every dog, every baby, every boat.
They’re checking ID. We could slip under the rope, but I wouldn’t get far carrying Hannah. And without her, what’s the point?
I slide two fingers into my pocket, roll the vial between them.
“You’ll be okay.” I stroke Hannah’s hair, try to match her grin as she pokes my nose. “Your father will rise to the occasion, or close enough.”
One cop won’t take his eyes from me, speaks low into his radio.
I unscrew the cap, draw the vial to my nose. Bitter almond.
“Your grandparents will pay for an excellent education.”
Three other cops circle, staring at Hannah and me.
It would be so easy to swallow, to erase twenty-five years of sporadic prison visits, erase the decades after release when she might meet me for the odd coffee but mostly make excuses for why she doesn’t need me in her life. Or in her children’s.
I brush hair out of her eyes. She’ll need a cut soon. “You just have to stay confident, stay kind, make good friends, true friends who adore you for who you are.”
I tip the vial back. She’ll have to navigate her teen years without me.
But what if our prison visits go well, and I say even one thing that helps?
I’m about to dump the liquid on the floor when Hannah taps the vial, knocking the contents down my throat.
The circle tightens. An officer has handcuffs out.
I slump to the ground, clutching Hannah to protect her from the fall as I fade from consciousness. I whisper in her ear, “It’s okay, munchkin. You’ll be strong. You’ll be loving. You’ll be...”
Part II
Rags & Bones
The Midden
by Carleigh Baker
South Cambie
Well, this is unexpected, but I guess no one ever expects dead bodies. Not in places that aren’t morgues, or battlefields, or graveyards. I certainly didn’t think there’d be one here, in the abandoned, boarded-up house next to my own home, on the corner of Cambie and King Ed. But here we are.