“Here’s a feather for your cap. I ever think you have anything to do with screwing around with me and mine, some morning you just might find yourself dead.”
“You threatening a law officer?”
“I don’t consider you much of an officer. Besides, you couldn’t arrest a fly here. You’re nothing but one of a two-man operation in a little town that has its presidential elections in a filling station. You two are so small-time you probably share a dick. So don’t come in here and act like the FBI. You are nothing to me. And yeah, that is a goddamn threat, with bells and whistles on it.”
“Have it your way, pal. But next time you see me comin’, man, you better run.”
Conners went out to his car and drove away.
15
“He came here to the house?” Brett said.
I nodded.
We were sitting at the kitchen table, she still in her nurse uniform, me still in my sweaty, filthy work clothes. She was sitting out from the table, had her legs crossed, and the nurse dress was hiked up pretty far. I liked that, and she knew it. I liked the little hat she was wearing too. I’d have liked her without the hat. I’d have liked her without the dress. She could lose those nurse shoes too. I don’t have a fetish for stuff like that, but I do have a fetish for her.
I was laying out what had happened with Conners, and I was drinking a cup of coffee. I had fixed some for both of us, and Brett was stirring creamer into hers. She even made me horny doing that. I know. I’m a bad dog.
“He threatened you here in our yard?” she said.
“He threatened that other people were going to do something to me that probably wouldn’t pass for a manicure and a haircut. And maybe those same people would do something similar to those around me. He also said next time I saw him I better run.”
“And he’s a policeman?”
“A big goddamn policeman. One of the two of No Enterprise’s finest on-the-take assholes. Actually, don’t tell Leonard, but between me and you, he was kind of scary.”
“It’s okay, pumpkin,” she said and patted my hand. “If we’re going to be killed, it might as well be together.”
“Sorry, hon.”
“Don’t be. You’re my man and you do things others wish they could. I like you just the way you are. Most of the time. Though I do wish you could remember to change the toilet paper, and on top of the hamper is not where your underwear belong. They go inside, dear.”
“But you have to lift the lid on the hamper.”
“I know. It is a bother.”
I gave her a look that I hoped made me look like a big-eyed puppy instead of a startled marmoset. It didn’t have the effect I hoped for—deep sympathy and a desire to pat my head. She drank more of her coffee.
I said, “I’m a middle-aged man with a crummy job that’s over as of today and you may be a little less thrilled with me if this turns bad.”
“It’s been bad before. And besides, you’re cute and well hung.”
Now that was the response I wanted. I said, “That’s the first I’ve heard of that.”
“Considering the circumstances, it seemed like a kind thing to say.”
“Oh.”
“Now don’t get pissy. Remember what Bessie Smith sang. It’s not the meat, it’s the motion.”
“Okay. I can live with that. Brett… this policeman, I got to tell you, he had a loud voice and a big hat and an ugly cigar and his face was all wrinkled and he had a funny ear and he talked kind of loud and I don’t think he’s very nice. He uses bad words.”
Brett smiled, looked me in the eyes. “Do you think this is really serious, baby? I mean, really?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“What do you think will happen?”
“No way to know for sure, but my guess is the little guys, the ones me and Leonard gave a bad time, might think they got to get back at us to save face, so they can point to us and tell their bosses they got those nasty boys who destroyed the dope and made them lose all that money and insulted a perfectly nice pair of Scooby Doo shorts.
“Course, we can flip that and say maybe the guys in the middle don’t believe the guys at the bottom. Not all of it anyway. The head dudes might just decide to take it out on the bottom-feeders because they might think they’re lying, that they took the dope, made up a story, and are settling other scores with us. All the middle guys know is they didn’t get a piece of the profit. And the guys at the top, what they know is they didn’t get their slice of it. So instead of them solving the problem, they could want the two layers in the cake below them to solve the problem. Most likely, the top layer gets involved, they’ll bring in someone special and skilled. That’s the way it usually works. But I wouldn’t bet on any one scenario. We might be dealing with all of them.”
“So what do we do?” Brett asked.
“First, I’ll have Leonard move back in.”
“That means more cookies and Dr Peppers and probably a box of shotgun shells.”
“Absolutely,” I said. “You have some time off coming, don’t you?”
She nodded. “Two weeks. Three if I really need it.”
“You pack your highly attractive ass up and you and Marvin and his family head for the hills. Go someplace where no one knows you. Stay there until I tell you to come back.”
Brett reached out and took my hand. “I don’t really have family anymore. My daughter isn’t exactly one to keep in touch. You know, the whoring business is so time-consuming, and her plans for college didn’t work out, she said.”
“Oh yeah,” I said. “Something about having to get up early.”
“That’s right. I love her, but she’s grown and made her own way, and I’m here if she needs me. But she doesn’t have a family bond, and maybe that’s my fault, but it’s the way it is. Except for you and Leonard, I’m about tapped out in the family department. I don’t want to leave you. I can use a gun, and I’m not afraid.”
“Yeah, but I am. Even if I wasn’t, I’d want you to go. Someone has to keep telling Marvin he has to stay with his family. He’s a great guy, but frankly, he’s not at his best right now. Bum leg and all.”
“You actually think Marvin will run? That doesn’t sound like him to me. Does it to you?”
I waved it aside with my hand. “When I explain things to him he’ll be happy to stay out of it,” I said.
16
“Absolutely not,” Marvin said.
I had Leonard and Brett with me and we had gone over to explain how things were. We were sitting in his living room and Rachel was there, and so were Gadget and JoAnna. The three women looked so much alike it was amazing. All dark and beautiful and soft, T-shirt-and jean-clad. Well, actually, Gadget didn’t look so soft. She scratched at her arms constantly and her eyes darted. The dope was calling collect and she wanted to answer. She was still attractive, just itchy and a little hard-looking around the mouth and eyes.
“I got you two in this trouble,” Marvin said. “I’m not about to bail on you.”
“You’re not bailing,” Leonard said. “You’re running like a spotted-ass ape.”
“Oh,” I said, turning in my chair to look at Leonard. “That helps. He’ll feel better now. You are like one of those, what do they call them … diplomats.”
“Figure of speech,” Leonard said.
“So far,” Brett said to me, “your powers of persuasion are not quite up to the standard you presumed.”
“Hap should know me better than that,” Marvin said.
“I’ll tell you what I know,” I said. “And let’s cut the crap. You did get Leonard and me into this. You didn’t tell us the whole gig, about how connected these guys were.”
“I didn’t know. Completely. I mean, I had an idea. But I didn’t know.”
“Exactly,” I said. “You didn’t stop to consider. Me and my brother just thought this was a trailer trash episode. We whipped some ass, threw a dog out of a window, shot a guy, took Gadget and brought her home. We went, we saw, we conquered, we came back. And now our asses are in the soup. We want you and yours, and Brett, out of here. And, no offense to Gadget, but you don’t tell her where you’re going till you get there. And you have the only cell phone between you. Not that I don’t trust mother and daughter,” I said, smiling at them. “But one cell phone can be controlled more easily, and you don’t want a lot of people calling you anyway. Any little thing might leak out and you might then involve someone else. And I don’t trust you, Gadget. The monkey on your back howls the loudest at midnight, when everyone else is sleeping. You might decide to decamp.”