It was a type of physical behavior that she had yet to fully figure out. She knew it was wrong—it wasn’t wanted, after all—but it wasn’t really rape… was it? It was ugly, but it wasn’t forced on her. Not in the strictest sense of the word, really. She had agreed to it for her safety, after all. Then again, she had never really tried to deny him. Maybe if she did, then he would force her… it was just something she really didn’t want to think about. Words like ‘rape’ had a certain power to them. The second she allowed herself to identify with that word, well… better to just agree to it and get it over with. That way, she got what she wanted in the long run, and she got to maintain a modicum of control in the meantime.
She walked down a dark alleyway. It was another bland and uninteresting alleyway, just like all the others, but this one wasn’t meaningless—no, it held a sad, unfortunate meaning for her, if for no one else. Since last meeting him in West Berlin in another alleyway, he had taken a liking to clandestine sex. Now it was happening far more frequently, and she could barely stand it anymore. Still, she needed something from him now. In order to get it, she would have to give herself to him. It made her want to throw up.
She saw him standing in the alley entrance. He was just a faceless silhouette, like a villain in a movie, with the street light cascading around his shadow. As he began to walk towards her, she felt a chill as if the night was becoming colder with his presence. Goosebumps spread on her skin, and she swallowed in anticipation.
“Well, well.” he called to her. “Looks like someone got themselves into trouble the other day.”
“What are you talking about, Patrick?” she replied, irritated.
“Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about,” he menaced as he drew closer and closer. “You were following Lena. I warned you about doing that.”
“The Stasi told me to. I’m a god-damned spitzel, remember? I have to follow her everywhere and report on where she goes.”
“I told you not to do that,” he hissed, as he walked up to her, his face inches from hers. “I told you that she wasn’t your problem anymore. I told you to stay away from her.”
“She’s my friend, Patrick. Why would I avoid her?”
“Maybe they should have given you two black eyes.” he reached up and prodded around her eye. “Maybe then you would learn.”
For a second, Vivika stared at him insolently, trying not to recoil from his touch. She hated him so much, and she wanted him to know it. She wanted him to know it down to the core of his being. But she knew it was futile—Patrick didn’t care in the slightest.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“The hell you are! But you are about to be. You aren’t just messing with overworked and apathetic Stasi officers anymore. You have raised the suspicions of HVA agents who can smell bullshit a mile away. You’re lies don’t work on me, and they certainly won’t work on them. Once they figure out what you are up to, you are out from under my umbrella of protection… that is something you don’t want.”
“I… I know I don’t. You are right,” Vivika responded in a small voice. She knew what the ‘that’ was, and it was far worse than anything Patrick was doing to her. She didn’t know all of Patrick’s coworkers, but she had met the Dragon Lady—the psychotic bitch with the dead, evil eyes. Vivika had only seen her one time, and that was more than enough. The way she had looked at Vivika, eyeing her up and down, made her skin crawl.
“I’m sorry,” she continued. “You are right. I’ve made a horrible mistake.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Patrick said, as he moved behind her and began… grabbing her. “I’ve fixed it. I covered you. I told them you were a stupid, bored, little girl who does stupid, bored, little girl things. For now, you are safe.”
“Th-thank… thank you,” she responded, trying to sound genuine as his hands found their way under her coat.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said roughly. “But we’ve got a few other things we need to talk about, my dear.”
“What’s… what’s that?” she asked, not caring all that much. He was kissing her neck now, and it was once again confusing her. Her body was responding to it even though she really didn’t want it to. It was creepy and wrong-feeling, but her body didn’t seem to care what she thought about it.
“There is a complication now,” he said, as he lowered her jacket off of her shoulder, exposing her skin to the cold night air. “A few new developments have come to my attention, and you and I need to figure out a way to rectify it.”
“Patrick…” she moaned, as the goosebumps formed. It wasn’t a good moan, but she knew he wouldn’t know the difference, or even care if he did.
“I love your goosebumps,” he said, as his hands moved lower and lower. “They’re fantastic.”
“I’m… what is the complication?” she tried to distract him. Anything to hold it off for just a few more moments.
“You have made some unfortunate friends in some even more unfortunate places.” he said, as his hands finally found an area she really didn’t want him to. “I know you’ve been working with the Americans.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she shuddered, more from the touch than from the accusation. Hopefully he would understand that.
“Go ahead…” Patrick said as he nibbled on her shoulder. “Keep lying. I enjoy it… it’s like foreplay to me.”
“Patrick… please.” she said, as a very unfortunate wetness began to gather somewhere she really didn’t want it to. Oh, this felt so sick and wrong.
“I know you’ve been working with the Americans, and I know who of them you are with.” he taunted, as he rubbed her harder. “More importantly, I know who you have been fucking.”
“I don’t fuck anyone.” she said half-impudently as bile welled up, “I don’t want to.”
“Oh that’s a lie, my dear,” he said, as the rubbing intensified, becoming forceful and rough. It was beginning to hurt.
“That hurts, Patrick. Please…” she said as gently as possible. Yet he ignored her as he always did. Soon, she began to entertain thoughts no woman should ever have to. Maybe if she tried to give him what he wanted willingly, he wouldn’t hurt her the way he was beginning to. It wasn’t right, but it was better than it hurting. Wasn’t it?
“I know about Matt,” Patrick seethed as he bit her shoulder hard. “I know how much he likes you, too.”
“He knows about Matt?!” the hairs stood up on the back of her neck, “No… this… that can’t happen. He can’t know about him.” She knew the full extent of the situation now, and how very complicated things had become. The very last thing that Vivika needed was to get caught up between the worlds of the man who loved her and the man who didn’t love her at all. Not ever, certainly… but especially not now. She knew Patrick well enough to know that he would use this. He would use it to make things complicated for Matt, and then he would use it to make things even more complicated for her.
“Matt sends his regards, of course,” Patrick laughed as he roughly pushed against her. “He made me promise to take care of you. So, I’m going to honor him and take care of you.”