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As her hand touched her bedroom door, she reached down and silently turned the doorknob, breathing a sigh of relief at how uncommonly silent the thing was being. “Almost there!” Oh, she could already feel those warm blankets wrapping her up with hopefully not too much teenaged-brain fuss. “Almost there!… so close!”

When she opened up her door, however, everything changed.

Vivika was there. This, in and of itself, wasn’t anything new—since their arrival back on this side of the Wall, she had spent almost every single night sharing Lena’s bed, blissfully adding cuddles and warmth to the chilly nights. But this… this was neither cuddly, nor warm, nor even human. This was… something new; and whatever it was, it was wrong. Though Lena was struggling to understand this new reality, Vivika’s black eyes told a story that wasn’t all that hard to figure out.

She looked terrible. Both of her eyes were bloodily swollen, with one completely closed off. Yet it was difficult to determine where her eyes ended, and her face began. It was all a puffy purple mess, with cuts thrown in just to make it worse. Purple and red marks ran around the top of her neck as if she had been recently strangled, and her clothing was torn and covered with the gray of dirt and red of blood. She was scraped up and battered, with both her skin and the remnants of her clothing looked to have been torn by friction with pavement. She sat, with one hand across her mouth as if permanently immured in shock, while her other hand covered… “Oh God.”

Adrenaline often works in degrees. Sometimes it’s fueled by a nice morning jog, or a kiss on the cheek from a crush. Every now and then, it’s stoked by the shock of someone appearing where unexpected, or an uncontrolled bicycle careening towards you. Rarer still, it can be a response to a threat of violence, or a full-on slap from someone that genuinely intends to hurt you—the resulting burst of adrenaline changes you into a creature capable of ripping off doors or punching through walls.

Then there’s the burst of adrenaline that accompanies hopeless scenes like this, where you realize that something must be done, regardless of what modicum of logic still exists on the subject. The feeling of vengeance… an evil feeling. It’s a terrible, heart-pounding surge of such unbridled rage, that one’s own moral code falls completely by the wayside. As sweat gathers, fists clench, and vision goes pinpoint, your heart pumps battery acid and you realize that you are fully capable of genocide. It’s that once-in-a-lifetime surge of fluids that makes you capable of finding someone, wherever he’s hiding, and do things to him that shouldn’t ever be put into print.

As anger roiled like an ocean inside of Lena, she began to see red… red, red, red. And whatever had happened, death was too quick a punishment for it.

Yet as she stood there, looking at her very dear friend, the other less gratifying side of adrenaline eclipsed the other: reality. Slowly, as the futility of logic came closer into the picture, Lena realized that there wasn’t a thing she could do about Vivika’s situation. There was no one in the immediate vicinity to fend off; no one to torture slowly; no one to rip the balls off of and kill with fire; no solution that would make all of it go away. Whoever he was, and whatever he had done, he had gotten away with it. And nothing Lena said or did would change that.

“V-vivika?” Lena said, walking slowly over to her.

“I’m… I’m really sorry,” Vivika bawled, “I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?!” Lena walked quickly over to her, but was pushed back.

“Please don’t touch me, okay?” she cried. “I j-just can’t… I can’t let anyone touch me.”

“Who did this to you?” Lena asked, shaking with anger, “Who hurt you?!”

“It’s no one, okay?”

“Obviously it’s not just anyone. Tell me Vivika!”

“Really, it’s not anyone. I just… can I stay here a bit longer? I know I’m filthy, but… I don’t want to be alone at my place. Okay?”

“Of course, you can stay, but… but… we have to get you to a hospital, Vivika!”

“No!” Vivika cried. “That… you can’t take me there.”

“But…”

“You can’t take me to a hospital. Promise me, Lena!”

“Vivika, you’re…”

Promise me. Please!”

Lena didn’t know what to say or how to help her friend. She needed Vivika to tell her who had done this to her, and to tell her what had happened. Vivika clearly needed serious medical attention, and she needed to call the police for what little good that would do. Yet Lena couldn’t force her to say anything—especially not something like this. She had been brutally traumatized and was obviously scared out of her mind. Whatever she needed, Lena was prepared to provide it. But she did need medical attention. And… oh, this was so complicated.

After thinking it through for several moments, staring at her bruised and beaten friend shivering on the floor, Lena resolved to simply say and do nothing. Vivika needed to feel in control, and she needed to have someone there. If that was the sum total of what Lena had to offer, well, she was happy to do it. So, she walked over to her bed and pulled off the blanket, before walking back over and draping it over her dear friend. Then, she plunked down right next to her and sat in silence. If her friend needed to talk, she would listen. Otherwise, she would be there regardless.

It must have been a half hour at least. Vivika just sat there, bundled up tight, avoiding everything. Lena sat patiently, waiting for any opportunity to be more helpful. After a while, however, Vivika leaned over and put her head in Lena’s lap.

“It’s… it’s so complicated…” Vivika sniffed softly.

“I know it’s complicated,” Lena said, just as softly.

“You don’t know,” she sniffed angrily. “No one knows. No one has any idea. I’m in a world of shit, and I’m going to drown in it. And I can’t do a damn thing about it. No one can.”

Lena was still coming to grips with the situation. One thing had become very clear to her, however: Vivika was going to have to deal with this. Lena was nothing more than a resource for her—a very available resource. Whatever she wanted, she would get. That meant if Vivika just wanted to cry, or be mad, or swear, or… well, anything… that was exactly what Lena would support. No judgement, no responsible adult decision-making, no words of wisdom—just support.

“You know I will help you anyway I can.”

Vivika paused, thinking this through, before she plainly said, “I know.”

Another half hour passed with Vivika curled up on the floor, her head in Lena’s lap, saying nothing at all. Her breathing was ragged and terribly fast, just like her heart which pounded so hard, Lena could feel it on her thigh. As the minutes ticked longer, however, her breath finally slowed. Eventually, her heart rate followed. Soon, Lena thought that Vivika was sleeping, so, she hazarded a touch, to pet Vivika’s head softly. Vivika jerked at the touch, but then stilled.

“He’s such a monster, Lena.”

“Will you ever tell me who he is?” Lena responded, stroking her hair.

“No.”

“Ok.” Lena replied, and that was that. For a few minutes, at least.

“I’m so sorry I’ve made everything complicated.” she sniffed.

“It’s alright.” Lena replied. “I don’t know what happened. But whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not. Really, it isn’t. I’ve ruined everything.”

“Can you tell me what is ruined?” Lena asked, in the least judgmental voice she possibly could. Another several minutes passed. Not quite a half hour, but long enough. It seemed that Vivika was giving herself permission to talk about something she knew she was going to have to talk about—working up the nerves, perhaps. Lena needed to just accept whatever it was that she wanted to say and let that be that. Thankfully, her patience was rewarded. Yet after it was, ‘thankfully’ and ‘rewarded’ were the exact opposite words she would have used to describe the dawning apocalypse of reality.