“Reading light,” he said, the blue glow illuminating his skin. He looked like a ghost. “I bought it a couple months ago but ran out of good stuff to read.”
I called out Lily’s name and then listened. The narrow cement walls muted the sound and it disappeared almost instantly. The two of us stood there, waiting, but there was no response.
Without a word, Mason headed for the first door. The lock buzzed and opened. He shined his light inside. The room was empty and small. It had one of the deep basement window wells, and the little bit of moonlight spilled on the floor.
I moved to the next door. We repeated the process up and down the hall, sometimes finding storage—mostly old desks or textbooks or scraps of lumber and pipe—but a lot of the rooms were empty, just as they’d been when I’d gone through here looking for trash. Our janitorial and maintenance contracts let us go almost anywhere we wanted—we searched the infirmary rooms, including any closets or cabinets she could possibly fit into—but there was no sign of her anywhere.
I had high hopes for the back stairs that Becky had shown me. If Lily had wanted to hide, that could have been a good spot. But, like everywhere else, they were empty. Besides, why would she want to hide?
“Did you see her on the field after she’d been shot?” I asked, as we opened another door. This room had several rows of boxes, stacked to the ceiling, and Mason peeked around them with his light.
“No,” he said. “We left you. I got hit and she kept going.” His voice was cold and tired.
“She passed me,” I said. “She’d been shot but could have waited for a medic.”
“You think she went over the wall?”
“Maybe. Don’t know.”
He turned his gaze back to the boxes and opened one. It looked like lab supplies—rubber hoses and Bunsen burners and all kinds of bottles and jars.
“I hated chemistry. Be glad you missed it,” Mason said absently, like he felt he ought to make a joke but had no desire to laugh.
“Do you think she was serious about escaping?” I asked as we moved to the next room. “I mean, really considered it? She talked about it all the time.”
He just pointed at a security camera.
“About a year ago I worked for a hospital,” I said. “I was just a janitor and I was only there for a month, but I knew the security guys and I hung out in their office sometimes. They didn’t even have TVs to watch their cameras. They were just there in case some crime was committed. Then they’d look at the tape.”
Mason sighed. “So what?”
“I think we’re all too afraid of these cameras. There have to be a thousand cameras. They can’t watch all of them all the time.”
“But people get punished every day,” he said. “Someone must be watching.”
I nodded, unconvinced. Did they really catch everything? The students were usually all in the same place, weren’t they? All in class or all at lunch or all in the dorms. The school didn’t even have to watch all the cameras.
Of course, sometimes the school punished people for no reason at all, cameras or not.
I changed the subject. “I wonder if we could make something with those chemistry supplies. Maybe some acid to burn through the fence?”
Mason spun, glaring at me. “What is wrong with you, man?”
“What?”
“Lily might be dead, and you don’t even care. All you ever talk about is escaping and trying to figure stupid things out.”
I paused, stunned. “Well, don’t you want to figure it out, too?”
“Not when we’re looking for Lily,” he said, turning and opening a new door.
In another ten minutes we met up with Tapti, Gabby, and Joel. I could tell from their somber faces that they hadn’t had any more luck than we’d had. We left the basement and returned to the main floor to join the others. Depression hung like a cloud over the gang. Curtis was sitting on a bench, his elbows resting on his knees. I sat beside him.
Mason’s words kept running through my head. He was right. My escape could wait.
I hadn’t been treating the V’s like friends. They were just people, just part of the school that I hated. My chest felt heavy and tight. I wished now that I’d said something to Lily, that maybe I’d… I don’t know.
“What about outside?” I asked Curtis, my voice low. Maybe, like me, Lily hadn’t been able to get over the wall. Maybe she’d gotten hurt and was out there somewhere.
Curtis shook his head. “I woke up Isaiah and Oakland. Isaiah insists that they didn’t take her to detention—and you know he’d be proud of it if they did. He’d say something. Oakland even offered to open the outside doors for us to go out there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I think he was doing it just to piss off Isaiah.”
“So let’s go,” I said. “Even if she didn’t try to escape, maybe she just twisted her ankle in the forest or something.”
“No,” he said. His face was ashen. “Oakland came down here but they wouldn’t open for him. He said they usually can’t get out until dawn.”
With nothing else to do, we all split up and headed back to our dorms. The schedule was already posted on the TV. Class today would be early—7:00 a.m. I had to wonder whether it was a punishment; they weren’t giving us the chance to go back to sleep.
Mason opened the closet when we got back and started getting dressed.
“You all right?” I asked.
He shrugged.
“Just… I thought maybe you guys, you and Lily, might have been…”
He shook his head. “No.”
It had to be a lie. They were always together.
“Oh.” I sat down on my bed. My head ached from stress and lack of sleep.
Mason turned to look at me as he buttoned his shirt. His face was tight and cold. “I decided early on that I wasn’t going to do that, get attached, I mean. Like with Curtis and Carrie—I think they’re nuts.”
“But isn’t that part of surviving this place?” I said, thinking of Jane. “We’re stuck here, so let’s make the most of it.”
“If you say so,” he said, his face stony and emotionless. “But what if one of them gets it? What if the school decides one day that Curtis has been too much trouble and they toss him in detention? What’ll that do to Carrie?”
I didn’t say anything. Images of Jane filled my mind—her hair, her eyes, her smile, her hand on mine.
“You know that old saying,” Mason continued. “‘Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all’?”
I nodded.
“Complete horsecrap. Especially in here.” He put his tie around his neck. “One day you’re going to get it. You know it and I know it. One day you’re going to do some fool thing and get caught.”
He waited for me to say something, but I couldn’t. Was he right?
“I stay quiet,” he said, making the knot in his tie. “I stay out of everyone’s way.”
I felt like hitting him, though I tried not to show it. “Why aren’t you Society then?”
“I don’t care what other people do,” he said. “If other people want to try to get out of here, then good for them. If you want to go to the dance with Jane, and screw up your life—and hers—then do it. I’m not going to stop you.”
He and Lily had been together. He wasn’t telling me about what might happen; he was telling me about what had just happened to him.
I lay back on the bed and stared upward.
“One dance is going to screw up my life?” I said with a little laugh, trying to lighten the situation.
Mason’s voice was serious. “Becky had a guy. She wasn’t always screwed up. She was a V. Helped start the V’s, actually.”
“You’re kidding.” I rolled onto my side to look at him.
He pulled his red sweater on, and his eyes met mine. “Do what you want, man. But if you’re going to get killed next week crossing the wall, stay away from Jane. She doesn’t deserve that.”
Chapter Twelve
At seven o’clock we filed into class. The Society and Havoc kids were all chattering in whispered voices and pointing over at Lily’s empty seat. Some of them seemed concerned, others self-righteous, giving one another I-told-you-so looks. I tried to ignore them and looked straight ahead.