When he released his grip, I looked around the room and spotted Helene sitting down at one of the tables, her blond hair pulled back in its usual ponytail.
“So far, so good. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
Except for me wanting to fuck one of my students against the stacks in the library. Oh, and that would be the same student I fucked yesterday afternoon at my house.
“Well, that’s great. You let me know if you need anything. Those seniors can be a handful at times, especially for a newbie like yourself.”
Outwardly agreeing, I gestured in the direction of the fridge.
“I’m just going to get my lunch and try to relax a little, you know?”
“Sure, sure. Have a good day.”
Wishing him the same, I made my way past a few more staff members. I waved, nodded, and smiled—all fake, all contrived, as I got closer to my goal—Helene.
Stopping behind the empty seat opposite her, I waited until she looked up at me and then gave her a smile. When her eyes twinkled with pleasure, I hated myself for not feeling one damn thing.
“Well, hello. This is a nice surprise.”
I pulled the chair out and sat down, doing my best to make her feel what I wanted her to—attraction. Yes, it was official. I was an asshole.
“Is it?” I teased a little.
“Yes,” she said, smiling as she sat back. “You never eat in here with the rest of us.”
“I like my downtime, that’s all.”
“Ahh, the quiet before the storm.”
Unable to help myself, I found the smile on my mouth was finally…genuine. “Yes. Something like that.”
“So mysterious, Mr. McKendrick,” she flirted. “What do you do in your downtime that is such a secret you can’t do it with the rest of us?”
The image that came to mind was Addison on her hands and knees in front of my living room mirror—naked and waiting as I moved behind her, inside her, out of control.
“Oh, you know. The usual.”
Helene winked. “Well, normal for some isn’t so normal for others.”
No shit.
“But I’m glad you’re here. For whatever reason it may be.”
“About that…”
“Yes?”
“I’m actually here to pick your brain about one of my students.”
Sitting on the table in front of her was a shiny red apple, and I had to wonder at the symbolism.
“Oh? Okay, let me see if I can help.”
Now...how to ask? How do I ask without sounding like anything other than a concerned teacher? Which was all I was as far as Helene knew.
“It’s about Addison Lancaster.”
Just saying her name had my mind chanting—guilty, guilty, guilty.
Helene picked up the apple and took a bite. As her teeth sank into the crisp skin, I thought for the millionth time—What the fuck am I doing?
Was I really willing to throw my whole life away for…
“Addison. She is...unique.”
Yes, she was, and right then I had my answer. I was willing to do anything to know more about this girl who’d shaken my foundation.
I was changing. I was risking everything, and I needed to know why.
Why was I so—bewitched?
As the flirtation in her eyes disappeared, Helene’s voice lowered and in its place was sympathy. Sympathy and pity.
“Let’s walk,” she suggested and pushed back from the table.
My lunch in the fridge was forgotten as I followed her out into the hall.
“I’m surprised you haven’t heard anything about what happened before now.”
I was trying to act ignorant, but in the back of my mind, all I could see was the cemetery, and all I could hear were Addison’s words—I killed him.
I couldn’t erase the way she’d referred to all of them, as if I wasn’t a part of whatever happened to her back then. Is that why she acted the way she did with me? Because I hadn’t been there?
I needed to know what happened.
I noticed Helene had walked us to my classroom, so I pushed open the door and waited as she stepped inside. Following her into the empty room, I naturally moved behind my desk as she made her way to the back of the class. She seemed uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to what she was about to tell me or because I still hadn’t said anything.
“Addy wasn’t always the way she is now.”
Huh, that was an odd way to start this discussion. I had nothing to say so I waited, curious as to how Helene would continue.
“She used to be a sweet, happy girl. Bright and so very smart, but quiet, almost introverted. She kept to herself.”
I was trying to envision that version of Addison, but all I had to compare her with was the bold temptress that I knew. I couldn’t even begin to imagine it.
“A little over two years ago, Addy’s brother, Daniel, was killed.”
Oh, fuck. She hadn’t been lying. What had she done?
“It happened here at the school in front of everyone.”
Needing more information but really not wanting it, I waited. I stood and made my way around the desk and leaned back against it, bracing my hands on the edge.
“What happened?”
Helene let out a deep sigh as she began walking up to the front of the room.
“The final bell of the day had rung. All of the kids ran for the door and out to the bus lines, nothing unusual at all. Addy would walk down, cross the street, and meet her brother on the sidewalk so they could catch the bus home together.”
I sat completely still, unable to find one word to say as Helene continued.
“She was running late that day. I know this because she’d tracked me down after math class to ask how she could join the hurdle team.”
The look on Helene’s face right then was what I’d been feeling earlier, guilt, but unlike me, I knew this lady had no reason to feel it. She looked away, almost as if it were easier to talk when she wasn’t being held accountable.
“She was running late and ran down to cross the street. Daniel must have seen her, I don’t know.” Placing her hands on her hips, Helene stopped, trying to compose herself. “To this day I don’t know why he stepped off the sidewalk. There are so many stories from people who witnessed what happened, but what it all comes down to is Daniel stepped out into the road without checking that everything was clear. A couple of seconds later, he was lying on the ground in front of his sister and the entire school—he never stood a chance.”
I rubbed my fingers against the stubble on my jaw and down to my mouth.
Addison hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d been late, that was all.
Why would she ever think anything different?
“Wow…okay. That explains a lot.” I paused and looked at the loud, irritating clock on the wall and then thought about the way Addison always checked her watch or brought it up to her ear. She’d told me it was because she’d been late. “The clocks and the watch?”
“Yeah,” Helene confirmed. “After that, Addy was never the same. Her mother told me the doctors think she suffered a psychotic break from witnessing what we all saw that day. The clocks help her to stay focused, which explains the constant time check. But honestly, Addison’s behavior did a one-eighty. It’s as if she’s a completely different person.”
It was obvious that Helene was upset, so I moved closer to her and reached out. Intending to offer a comforting squeeze to her shoulder, I was shocked when she wrapped her arms around my waist instead.
Shit, this was not what I wanted.
With my hands hovering in the air, I had no other choice but to pat her gently on the back. As I touched her jacket I heard the door to my classroom open. Looking behind me, my eyes collided with cobalt blue and the emotions swirling in them gutted me more effectively than the emotional woman in my arms.