Was this what love was supposed to be like? An emotion that made you want to willingly give up everything for another—and how much was I willing to give?
I was in all kinds of trouble. My career was over, my reputation would be ruined, and my life…my life was still to be decided.
I squeezed my eyes shut and smashed my hand onto the wheel. My shoulders shook as the enormity of the mess I was in finally hit me.
Where did you go, and who did you turn to, when you had no one?
“Dad,” I whispered out into the darkness. “I could really use your help right about now. What do I do?”
I looked down to the center console, spotting his pen. I picked it up, tracing my finger over his initials, and thought of how disappointed he’d be.
I uncapped the pen and opened the glove compartment to find what I needed.
Nothing could be changed, not now. It was done.
I wanted Addison, and she wanted me.
But sometimes, you just don’t get what you want.
My mother continued trying to justify why I did what I did. I must have been seduced, coerced, talked into falling for this older man—this sexual predator.
As I sat there, I remained silent, knowing that anything I said would only make the situation worse. Doc was watching me carefully, almost as if he was trying to read my thoughts.
All the while, my father sat pouring glass after glass of bourbon, looking more drunk as the night went on.
“You are grounded indefinitely, except to visit with Dr. Wolinski,” my mother told me as she stood to shake Doc’s hand.
I was close to begging Doc to stay, when I heard him suggest to my father, “I don’t think that will help the situation tonight, do you?”
“I don’t feel like you help the situation at all,” my father slurred, standing to make his way upstairs, no doubt to pass out. I knew he’d checked out the day he’d picked up a bottle of alcohol and began drinking it like water.
My father was gone. There was no doubt about it.
Several hours later, I sat in my room watching the clock as I waited for my parents to go to sleep.
Dressed in jeans and a black sweater, I pulled my hair back and secured it in a ponytail and then snuck out my bedroom.
Walking to the front door, I opened it and made my way to the side alley. I followed my usual route until I reached the main road opposite the cemetery.
I sprinted across the empty road and through the old gates before following the drive to the parking lot. The empty parking lot.
He wasn’t there.
I searched the shadows frantically, trying to see if I was missing him standing anywhere. Maybe he walked? But he lived too far from here, so why would he?
I sat down on the edge of the curb, brought my legs up to my chest, and waited.
I nervously rubbed my sweaty hands over my jeans and placed my chin on my knees.
He’d be here.
If I waited, he would come. He said he would.
I would sit here on my own and wait.
I could do that.
For as long as it took.
Present…
Today is the day.
I stand outside of the small library and take several calming breaths.
I can do this. I just have to walk inside, sit down, and take the test.
Sliding my hand inside my pocket, I take comfort in feeling the pen in there. My good luck charm.
Ever since Doc gave it to me, things here have been better. I feel stronger, as if I can really move forward, even knowing the truth of my past.
I may not ever know his truth, but I know mine, and I’m starting to believe I can accept and live with it. I am a survivor and he wouldn’t want me to be anything but that.
I turn the handle and step inside to see Doc standing by the table with a smile.
“Good Morning, Addy.”
“Good Morning.”
“Are you ready?” he asks me.
Nodding, I walk farther into the room and pull out my seat. He slides the papers over to me and points to the clock.
Nine o’clock.
“It’s time.”
Past…
I checked my watch again, just as I had every fifteen minutes for what seemed like forever.
5:45 a.m.
I’d been waiting for over three-and-a-half hours, and he wasn’t here.
Maybe he was just waiting for the right time. Or maybe something happened to him, and he was already being held at the police station.
I wasn’t sure, but there had to be a good explanation for why he wasn’t waiting for me.
Grayson wouldn’t just leave me here.
I got to my feet and brushed off my jeans.
Maybe he was down at Daniel’s gravesite. I did say to meet me at Daniel’s. Maybe he’d misunderstood.
Stepping off the concrete curb, I made my way through the rows of rectangular stone.
As I came up to Daniel’s in the far back corner—I saw it.
There, lying on the bottom of the headstone, was a folded piece of paper with Addison across the front.
I bit my nail nervously and kneeled down to snatch up the letter. I knew it was from him. It had to be.
But why? Why didn’t he wait for me?
With a shaky hand, I unfolded the paper and a black-and-white photograph fell into my lap. Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss.
When I saw his writing, that same cursive writing he’d first scrawled his name across the chalkboard in, I knew.
This is all he’d left me with.
Addison,
I don’t even know how to start this.
Honesty seems the best option right now since you’re the only other person who knows what happened between us.
I’m sorry for so many things. Most of all, for not being with you right now. I’m sorry I broke my promise to you and let you down.
You know why I didn’t stay and why this can’t work. Still, as I sit here writing this, I know I would do it all again for just one more kiss from you.
No one ever told me that loving someone would feel like you were giving up every last part of yourself, but that’s how I feel, Addison. From the second I saw you, I was done. I gave it all to you.
Something about you called to me, and I have never regretted you, even as I questioned us.
But, Addison, I’m going away, and I won’t be coming back—not ever.
You need to move on. Find a way to be free of your monsters because remember, they will devour you. Just like mine has devoured me.
I ask one thing of you before I go. Please understand that you were never my monster.
You, Addison, will always be my Psyche.
Love G.M
Gone…
He was gone.
Balling up the paper, I lay down with my cheek pressed to the grass covering Daniel and felt what was left of my heart shatter.
Everyone who truly loved me was gone, and as I gazed at the beautiful purple flowers surrounding his headstone, I made a decision.
I would go too.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Present…
Tick, tick, tock.
The clock is loud in here, not because I’m anxious, but because the silence is deafening. It’s been a little over seven hours. In fact, as I look at the clock, I realize it’s been seven hours and fifteen minutes since I began.