He stares at her. ‘I–I needed to see you.’
Hope. Maybe this whole thing is just an innocent misunderstanding. Maybe there’s been an emergency and he needed to find her but her phone has been turned off and he didn’t know Will’s number so he came to his home. It’s a long shot but it’s possible.
‘Why did you need to see me?’
Judd looks at her and says nothing. He can’t tell her he thought she was having an affair with Will Thompkins but then he doesn’t need to. She works it out on her own. He sees it happen, watches the change, first in her eyes, then in her expression, as she processes the truth.
She stands, turns and walks up the incline.
‘Rhonda —’
‘Don’t.’
‘But I —’
‘No.’ She doesn’t look back.
6
They haven’t spoken since ‘the night of the quarters’. That’s what Judd’s been calling it. Rhonda moved out that evening and hadn’t answered a call or replied to a text or email in the three days since.
Judd tilts the T-38 into a tight bank over the Indian River. He’d picked up this ‘B’ variant at Ellington Field in Houston and is minutes away from wheels down at Patrick Air Force Base, just a stone’s throw from Cape Canaveral. He looks left, to Kennedy Space Center, then launch pad 39A. On it stands Atlantis. The early-afternoon sun glints off the white solid rocket boosters, burnishes the rust-coloured external tank to a bright orange, illuminates the stubby shuttle.
His eyes flick right, to the towering box that is the Vehicle Assembly Building, big enough to fit four Empire State Buildings inside. He remembers being in it on one particularly humid day, watching as Discovery was joined to its external tank two months before his flight. As impressive as the shuttle external tank mating ritual was, the spacecraft hoisted high by a crane then gently wedded to the ET, what he remembers most about that day were the clouds that formed on the VAB’s ceiling, then the light mist that wet his face as it rained inside the building. It was so big it formed its own weather system.
The VAB is his destination today. It’s where he’ll see her again.
Judd brings the T-38 down onto runway 2B at Patrick with a minimum of fuss. He parks the jet, completes the relevant paperwork then finds his silver BMW 2002 quietly rusting in the parking lot.
The old Beemer is the car he drives in Florida. It’s seen better days, its forty-year-old body putting up a valiant if futile attempt to ward off the humid, salty air of the Cape. He’s more than happy to leave it in the Patrick car park for the extended periods he’s away because he can’t imagine anyone would want to steal it.
He wheels the Beemer out of the car park, heads towards Kennedy Space Center and wonders what Rhonda’s expression will be when she sees him. He’s scheduled to work the White Room for Rhonda’s flight and tonight is their first Terminal Countdown Demonstration Test. It simulates the final hours of a countdown and serves as a rehearsal for launch day procedures, culminating in a simulated ignition of the shuttle’s main engines. During the evening the ground staff will also run a tanking test. That involves filling the external tank with liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen propellants and evaluating how all systems perform under cryoload. Even after decades of service the shuttle is still an experimental vehicle that is continually tested and assessed.
The launch is tentatively scheduled for late next week if everything goes smoothly and the weather cooperates. Judd enjoys White Room duty because, even if he isn’t able to fly the shuttle, even if the damn thing scares him, he still wants to be close to it. Like Rhonda. He’s a little scared of her too, mainly because of how unsentimental she is. He’s seen her erase people from her life before, has consoled surprised ex-friends who found themselves cut out of the loop after a single misstep. He just never imagined it’d happen to him. Yes, he did royally screw up but it was an anomaly. He’s never done anything like it before. She didn’t care, wasn’t interested in hearing his reasons, excuses or apologies and instantly pulled the pin on a ten-year relationship.
‘Christ.’ It hits him. The ‘night of the quarters’ isn’t the reason she moved out. It was the trigger, of course, but not the reason — he’s sure of it. He just doesn’t know what the reason is.
He turns into the Kennedy car park, parks the Beemer as close as he can to the VAB and tells himself to stop thinking about her. He needs to concentrate on the job ahead.
The elevator opens and Judd steps into the hallway. A tap on his shoulder. His chest tingles. Rhonda? He turns.
It’s Severson Burke. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey yourself.’
‘Could you look any more disappointed?’
‘What? Disappointed? Who?’
Severson studies Judd, left eyebrow arched. He knows all about Judd’s excursion to Thompkins’ place. Judd had confessed all in a late-night call.
‘Right, like you haven’t been thinking about her.’
‘Not for the last seven minutes, I haven’t.’
Severson fastens Judd with a steady gaze. ‘You’ve already dropped the ball twice this week. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.’
Judd knows Severson has good reason for not wanting any trouble in the White Room tonight. The ex-astronaut, who had graciously agreed to accompany Judd on his last simulator run, is launch director for this test. That means it is his responsibility. The last thing he needs is Judd’s personal issues gumming up the works.
Judd nods. ‘Of course.’ They walk on, reach Briefing Room Three and enter.
Rhonda’s the first person Judd sees sitting at the large oval table. She looks right through him, like he doesn’t exist. She’s in full ‘blank mode’. Judd knows it well, has witnessed her use it on many a hapless individual in the past. Essentially, she blanks people she’s not interested in interacting with and pretends they don’t exist. Though it sounds like a strategy that wouldn’t even work in a kindergarten playground, it proved to be a surprisingly successful tool for navigating the byzantine NASA bureaucracy.
Judd finds a seat as far from her as possible. He works hard to keep his eyes on Severson as the launch director addresses the thirty-strong crowd from the head of the table. The only positive to come out of ‘the night of the quarters’ is that Thompkins and the tubby guy hadn’t filed any complaints against him. Judd guessed that Rhonda had asked Thompkins to keep it quiet and Thompkins had asked the tubby guy to do the same. Surely she didn’t want to go through the embarrassment of an official hearing into his conduct where she would be the star witness.
Not having a hearing won’t change anything for Judd, though. When Thompkins surely, inevitably, took over the Astronaut Office, Judd’s certain the guy who stalked his home won’t be at the top of Thompkins’ list when he decides the next round of crew assignments.
Judd steals a look at Rhonda, takes in the heart-shaped face, the blonde hair flecked with golden highlights, the ski-jump nose with the little bump at the top, the result of a mountain-biking accident years ago. She’s as breathtaking as the day they met.
Rhonda ignores Judd. Commanding Atlantis is a crucial step towards being first so she must not be distracted by personal issues, no matter how difficult that might be, and she’s been finding it very difficult. Not just leaving the relationship but leaving the house had been —
Stop it. She can’t think about that now. She must stay focused on the job ahead. She cannot make any mistakes tonight. If Judd’s career has taught her anything it’s that you cannot afford mistakes. They don’t let people who make mistakes be first.