It wasn't premeditated. I don't think she planned on it, either, but I like to think she did to excuse my failure. I saw her standing on the opposite side of the street during one night out. I could say she never looked more beautiful, but she always looked beautiful to me. We made eye contact, and suddenly, time stood still. The look she gave me was so suggestive, I did a double take to make sure I saw it right, then glanced around to check if everyone else saw what I did. By the time my eyes found her again, she was walking off into a dark alley.
Take it or leave it. That's all it came down to.
I found myself all but running after her. Just to make sure she's okay, I fooled myself.
And, in that dark alley, against a dirty brick wall, I knew I was doomed.
It went on, for a whole year. She never sought me out, it was always me running to wherever she was, and she gave whatever I wanted without a word. I didn't speak to her for fear of crumbling the walls of my perfect delusion that we were just two people who found each other in the dark.
Ironically, it was exactly what made me step away from her. A year is a long-ass time to keep silent when all you want to do is talk. It suffocated me, knowing that I couldn't tell her everything I wanted to. I wanted to tell her that every moment she let me spend with her was like heaven. Every time she tangled her hands in my hair and let me touch her in every way I wanted, I felt unworthy of it.
That if she were anyone else, I would have loved her until the day I died.
But she was exactly who she was. Leighton Moore, the daughter of Keith Moore—the man who took everything away from me. And one day, sooner or later, she'd be just another casualty of that crime.
Her fingers entwine with mine on her hip, and she squeezes my hand. “Stop thinking so loud. You woke me up.”
I smile into the black hair draped over her shoulder, then move it away and place a kiss in its place. She snuggles deeper into my chest, her ass pressing into my erection. “Mmm.”
This is a first for us. I've never stayed the night after we hooked up. She never came home with me, and I never went to hers. We never did it in an actual bed.
She trails our threaded fingers down her stomach, then lower between her legs, and I won't lie, the second my fingers reach her wetness and she arches her back into my chest, I'm harder than I've ever been in my entire life.
Her sighs turn into moans as she slides both our fingers inside her and positions my thumb over her clit with hers, my hips jerking involuntarily into her naked backside with her movements as she fucks my fingers.
This is, by far, the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. She is so beautiful, so sensual. I love seeing her in the daylight.
I can feel her control slipping as she writhes, and I'm about to take over when her hand stops mine just as I feel her muscles squeeze around us.
I watch, dumbfounded, as she gets up, squealing when her feet touch the cold floor while she walks across the room, and then she bends down, giving me a majestic view of her ass. If I weren't already hard, that would definitely do the trick. She runs back toward me with my wallet in her hand, already rummaging through it. I laugh at her shaky hands when she tries to rip the condom package open with her slippery fingers.
“Shut up, you ass,” she says, but she smiles too, then rips the package with her teeth, and puts it over my erection.
She straddles my hips, and I watch her, amused, and fucking turned on, as she takes my cock into her hand, gives it a few urgent pumps that make me suck in a sudden breath, and then she guides it to her entrance and sinks down on it.
“Fuck,” I mutter, as my head falls back on the pillow, my palms grabbing for the sheets underneath me. She takes my hands and places them on her hips and then she lifts herself up, ever so slowly, throwing her head back, and sinks back down.
Then she doesn't move.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask her through clenched teeth, trying not to move either, but it's really, really hard.
Pun intended.
“Savoring,” she says, looking at me through her lashes. She leans over, her hair creating a curtain around our heads and kisses a trail from my chin to my lips, and I kiss her back, drowning the moan I expected when I thrust my hips upwards because I'm positive she'd never have moved otherwise.
“Again,” she whispers into my mouth so I do it again, then again when she asks for more, making her bite on my shoulder to keep from calling out. She alternates between moans and sighs every time I sink her down my length. She's holding onto me so tight, clutching onto my shoulders harder with each thrust. I flip us over, capturing her wrists in my hand and stretching her arms above her head, my hips still thrusting, changing rhythm every time I feel like I'm about to explode. My other hand travels up her stomach, over her breast and ends up at her collarbone, my fingers digging into the smooth skin on her neck.
She opens her eyes because she knows I love it when she looks at me as she comes. The intensity in her eyes just about does me in. It’s always like this with her.
She trusts me. I've been keeping her in here, locked up, I've threatened her, I've used her and I've abandoned her. She's suffered more than I care to admit at my hands, and she still trusts me. She knows where this will end, and she trusts me.
I relax my fingers around her throat as she falls apart beneath me. A couple of moments later, I slide one final time deep inside her and then collapse on top of her, burying my head in the crook of her neck. She runs her fingers through my hair, pulling just lightly, then releasing, our chests heaving against each other, our bodies still connected.
“I've never made love to another woman,” I tell her, because I want her to know that. She was never supposed to think she meant nothing, or that anyone could replace her. This fucked up situation is all on me.
“Because you love me.” She says it like it is: a fact. Then she sighs, still trembling underneath me. “And it's not enough.”
I wish it were.
I pull out from her, missing her already as I head to the bathroom to clean up, and then walk around the room picking up my clothes. Thankfully, she drapes the sheet over her body, hiding the temptation from my eyes.
The worst part? She watches me, resigned, as I get dressed and walk to the door. I can actually feel her gaze following me around, but she says nothing. I want her to say something so bad. Just tell me to stay. I pause after I unlock the door, giving her one final chance. Nothing. I get out of the room without looking back, the sound of the lock click piercing my eardrums.
It still rings in my head on the way downstairs. I head into the kitchen, and take out a beer from the fridge and open it. I slump in the chair at the dining room table, and take a swig from the bottle. I can still feel her wrapped around me, begging me to fuck her again, and again, and again.
I sit there, staring at nothing, I don't know for how long. I always hated the look of indifference on her face when I left without a word, making me feel like I was just a pawn, playing by her rules. Tonight, I'd have welcomed it.
Tonight, I feel like I betrayed her.
Betraying my family, betraying myself, and, now, betraying her. I'm a fucking traitor to everything and everyone.
And Hayley? What a fucking mess. Rationally, I know I can't blame her. I used her, she knows that, and she still stood by me. And I know she meant well, but telling Leighton God knows what . . .
I throw the beer bottle across the room, smashing it against the wall.
“Fuck,” I mutter, watching it shatter, the sound piercing the silence. Beer splashes everywhere.