Venus in copper

'Me, for instance!'

'Sorry, Falco,' Cossus reluctantly answered, knowing his skull was in danger of being shattered by my fist.

'So am I, Cossus.'

'The landlord will offer compensation-'

'He will, Cossus! That would be very sensible!'

'How,' Helena enquired levelly, 'can he compensate the old lady from the fourth floor, who is dead?'

'Unforeseeable miscalculation by our civil engineer,' he hedged, trying out the excuse they must keep rehearsed for appearances in court.

'Rather drastic solution to your problem with her lease!' I weighed in. Cossus sighed. At last he appreciated that my grasp of the situation made resistance irrelevant. He was lazy; he hated trouble. My interference made him too depressed to answer, so I elaborated myself: 'The landlord was trying to terminate the old woman's tenancy so he could pull down the building and replace it with a more prestigious block. When she refused to leave, this charitable man saved her lawyers the trouble of fleecing her by demolishing the building anyway!'

'But why not simply give her notice?' demanded Helena.

'We did. Well,' the agent admitted, 'we should have done. The old biddy had been living up there for so long, I forgot she was there. We have a huge number of clients. I can't remember everyone. In June she tripped into the office and paid up, grumbling into her chin like they all do, so I just got rid of her as quickly as possible and only noticed her address after she had scuttled off cursing me. The owner had never really given me firm instructions about the place so I just let it lie. Come July, he suddenly made up his mind to redevelop, but we were stuck with the old mother for another year.'

'Why exactly,' Helena enquired, 'did you then grant a new tenancy to us?'

He forced his aggravating features to appear ashamed. I would not trust him as far as I could see up a camel's backside at midnight; Helena might have put it more elegantly, but she felt the same.

'Make it look good,' I stated. 'When the place crashes down, it is easier to justify if the landlord pretends he was filling the empty apartments; then it's not deliberate demolition, but an accident during refurbishment. Tough luck, tenants (if you happen to have survived the shock): here's some of your rent back, so make sure you look grateful; now go away!'

'I told you the lease was temporary,' Cossus grumbled self-righteously.

'Excuse me! I must have misread my contract. I never realised it ran "for six months - or until your house falls down."'

'We can give you a pro rata rebate-' Cossus began. His mouth was like the doors on the Temple of Janus: never shut.

'Wrong!' snapped Helena. 'You will give Didius Falco a full refund, plus compensation for the loss of his effects and furniture!'

'Yes, madam.'

The concept of men making eager promises then changing their minds later was familiar to my love. 'You will write out a banker's draft for us here and now,' Helena decreed decisively.

'Yes, madam. If you want to put a new roof over your heads urgently, I may be able to find something-' He was a true landlord's agent; a complete fool.

'Another of your temporary specials?' I sneered. Helena took my hand. We stared at him.

Helena Justina stormed off up the road to the local stationer's while Cossus and I agreed a price for my lost furniture. I enjoyed myself, and the agreed price was better than the furniture.

When she came back, Helena dictated the draft. 'Make it out to the lady,' I instructed. 'Her name is Helena Justina; she keeps all my accounts.' Cossus looked surprised. I cannot say how Helena looked, since I avoided her eyes.

We had reached the point where we either had to let the agent leave or have him arrested. It was Helena who said quietly, 'I should like to know our careless landlord's name.'

Cossus looked uneasy; I confirmed his fears: 'Getting our money back is just the start.'

'He has to be brought to justice,' Helena said.

Cossus started to bluster but I cut him short. 'Your principals have made a slight error. This lady who was nearly killed today by your so-called accident is the daughter of a senator. When her father hears what happened to his treasure he is bound to raise the issue of landlords' derelictions in the Curia-and that won't be the end of it!' The last thing Helena wanted was to let her father know how dangerous life with me could be. But he was bound to find out, and Camillus Verus was one of the few in the Senate who would be prepared to tackle the issue. 'I want to know anyway,' I continued. 'Just tell me, Cossus. So I can sleep tonight with a clear conscience-tell me I did not entrust myself and this precious lady to that calamity Priscillus!'

He looked relieved. 'Oh no, Falco!'

'Well then?'

Edging away, his voice withered to a croak as he tried to confess: 'I work for the Hortensii. Novus controlled your lease.'

Chapter LIX

I gripped the front of his baggy tunic in my two blackened claws and gave him a shake that would loosen his teeth.

'Don't blame me,' pleased Cossus. 'I would have thought it was obvious!' He was waiting for me to let go of him, but I kept hold.

'Novus is dead! Novus died last week!'

'So what's the panic?'

'On whose instruction did the demolition go ahead?'

'Novus told me to put in the order weeks ago-'

'And when Novus died, did you never think of checking with his heirs?'

'I did check.' Something in the bluff way he said it rang untrue.

'With Felix or with Crepito?' I stopped shaking him, but screwed the tunic tighter round my fists. I felt certain he had been too idle to go up to the house and ask.

'She was in the office,' he muttered. 'She often gave me messages from Novus before, so I asked her. She said not to bother the others during the period of mourning, but to proceed as Novus planned ...'

'Who, Cossus?'

'Severina Zotica.'

'The woman had no jurisdiction,' I replied immediately. I said it without passion, though I meant the words to go home. 'Cossus, she's made you an accessory to murder-' I lost interest in the agent, as the full meaning of what he had told me sank in: Severina, ordering the destruction of my apartment; trying to lure me away this morning; making no attempt to warn me that Helena was in danger ...

Disgusted, I gave Cossus a shove. People who were standing at the bar helped push him along. As he reached the street he stumbled. Someone outside must have recognised him. I heard a shout and he started off running. By the time I reached the door he was past saving even if I had wanted to help.

Angered by unearthing bodies, the crowd cornered the agent, and battered him with the tools they had been using to dig. Then they strung together a cross, using beams from the rubble, and hoisted him up on that. But I reckon he was gone before they lashed him to the spar.

I sat down again, and put my arm round Helena. She put both hers around me.

I spent some time talking very quietly, not to Helena in particular but to the world at large. I was raging against landlords-the whole disgusting class of them. The mean; the shoddy; the grasping; those who acted with violent malice like Priscillus; and those like Novus who relied on slack, incompetent agents so they could distance themselves from the filthy conduct of their crimes.

Helena let me finish, then quietly kissed my grimy face. The pain eased slightly.

I leaned back far enough to look at her. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'Should we get married?'

'Now? With no money?' I nodded. 'Why?' she asked. 'I'm happy as we are. Who needs ceremonies, and contracts, and idiots throwing nuts? If we live together in trust and love-'