“Oh, come on.” Tom took the bottle away from her and finished filling their glasses. “You don’t agree to take off for six years with limited communication if you’re completely happy at home.”
“There are lots of married astronauts—”
“There are,” Tom agreed. “More married than single, I think… and look how many of them aren’t on this mission.”
“So you’re saying that because Ava and I are out here, we were miserable at home?” Catherine folded her arms and leaned against the counter.
“Cath… be real. David? Buttoned-down, wears a belt and suspenders David?” Something in Tom’s voice caught her attention, and she looked up just in time to find him standing too close. “You jumped at this mission because you were bored out of your mind back home.”
“That’s not true.” Catherine didn’t meet his eyes, though. It wasn’t boredom. It wasn’t that simple. How could she explain that sometimes she felt trapped? They’d had Aimee within two years of getting married, wanting to give her a chance to grow up with both parents before one of them had to leave on a long mission. And then David washed out when Aimee was still a baby, and Catherine constantly felt pulled between pursuing her career and trying to make sure David didn’t feel bad about it.
Tom slid his hand over her arm. “I’m not asking you to take care of me, Cath,” he said. “Let me take care of you. Let someone do that for a change.”
Maybe it was the wine, but it was tempting. She liked Tom well enough. They’d been instant friends the moment they’d met in training. And she couldn’t deny that there’d always been a flirty little spark between them. She didn’t need anyone to take care of her, but having someone offer was… nice.
When he slipped a hand behind her head and pulled her in for a kiss, she didn’t stop him. His mouth was sweet against hers, and after being away from home for over two years, touching someone like this felt so good. Catherine put her wineglass down and returned the kiss for a moment or two.
No, no, no. This is a mistake. It was against regulations, and it was a complication that neither of them needed, and besides, she loved David. She pushed a hand against Tom’s chest, separating them.
“Tom. We’re drunk, and I’m married. This is a bad idea.”
“But—”
“Trust me, tomorrow you’d regret the whole thing.”
“I wouldn’t.” Tom kissed her again, more feverishly this time. “I swear I wouldn’t. I’ve wanted you for ages.” He caught her face between his hands. “I know there can’t be any emotion here. I get it. It’s fine. I just…”
It was a mistake to still be standing there, but his eyes were so soft, and for all her cynicism, she missed having someone. Even the wrong someone. This time when he lowered his mouth to hers, her hand against his chest softened, and stopped pushing him away.
“Come on.” He took her hand and led her from the galley. “We can’t make out in the kitchen like teenagers.”
Their individual quarters were tiny, and the idea of sharing a bunk for any length of time was laughable, but by the time they’d spent several minutes kissing up against the closed hatch of Tom’s quarters, the bunk wasn’t looking so laughable after all.
She wasn’t laughing when she woke up in that bunk a little while later. She checked the chronometer set in the wall and saw that it was still the middle of the ship’s night cycle. She and Tom were crammed together in his narrow bunk, and his arms were still around her.
What the hell did I just do?
Guilt settled on Catherine like a weighted blanket, pinning her in place. It wasn’t just that she’d cheated on David—although God, wasn’t that enough?—but that it was the first time in her career she’d not just broken but shattered a regulation. Maybe it wouldn’t jeopardize the mission, but it sure as hell would jeopardize her career, and probably Tom’s.
She needed to get up, get back to her quarters, and try to pretend this never happened. Then hope to God that Tom did the same thing.
As she sat up and reached for her clothes, Tom stirred behind her and reached for her. “Where’re you going?” he mumbled.
“I can’t spend the night here; we’ll get busted.” Catherine started pulling her clothes on.
“Good point.” Tom sounded more awake, and sat up behind her. He leaned in and started kissing her shoulder. “Too bad, though. Sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?”
Catherine paused, halfway through pulling her socks on. She sighed and straightened, turning to look at him. “Tom. We can’t do this again.”
“Sure we can. We’ll be careful. Besides, I don’t think anybody would care, really.” He tried to kiss her again and she leaned back.
“I can’t do this again. I’m sorry. This was a bad idea.” She stood up and finished pulling her clothes on.
“Cath, come on. Didn’t you have a good time?”
“That doesn’t matter—”
“It matters to me!”
“Shh.” The last thing they needed was for Tom to wake someone up. “Tom, don’t make this a thing. We were drunk and we made a mistake, okay?”
“ ‘Don’t make this a thing’? We’ve been dancing around this since training!” Tom stood as well, and in the small quarters they were in each other’s face.
“No, you were the only one dancing, Tom.” Catherine ducked out through the hatch, a sense of dread and shame tightening her chest and sitting like a rock in her belly. The feeling only intensified as she crept back to her quarters.
The six of them were stuck together for the next few years. Catherine hoped she hadn’t just signed them all up for a nightmare.
5
“BREATHE, WILL YOU?” David reached across the front seat to take her hand as they drove in together the first morning.
Catherine released her two-handed death grip on her travel mug and took David’s hand. “I’m breathing, I’m breathing.” She glanced over with a smile. “Hey, I haven’t had to go to the office in over nine years, so cut me some slack for being nervous.”
David brought her hand to his lips, keeping one eye on the traffic as he drove. “That’s my girl. Strap her to a rocket and she’s cool as a cucumber, tell her she’s got to face rush-hour traffic every day and she’s worried.”
It wasn’t that, and David knew as much, but Catherine was grateful to him for making light of it. “Yeah, well. NASA produces better pilots than Houston does drivers.” They shared a grin and some of the tension drained from her. “It’ll be good to be back, part of things again.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “One more step back to normal life, right?”
And, despite the nervousness, she was eager to get back. Llewellyn had offered to give her more time off, but with Aimee finishing up her senior year and David working, there didn’t seem to be any point in Catherine’s staying home. They’d taken Aimee out of school for a week or so, and there’d be ongoing family counseling to resolve any adjustment issues. Besides, with only a month and a half to go before the Sagittarius II launch, she knew Llewellyn could probably use every pair of hands he could get. She was looking forward to meeting the new crew and helping them however she could. It was the least she could do.