“What? I’m not a martyr. Besides, coffee with no sugar is a deal breaker. Of course, if you have any Stevia root in those cupboards, I’d take that instead.” She raised her head and watched him work. “So, I take it Bridget’s your ex?”
He brought the two mugs over, setting them on the pastry tray. “Yeah. We were together for a couple of years.”
“Married?”
“No. Thank God for small mercies.”
She picked up her mug and took a demure sip. He imagined the hot, sweet liquid warming a path down her throat. Despite the emotional upheaval of the past ten minutes, he imagined dragging his tongue over her. Jesus Christ. Get your shit together. She licked her lips, snapping him out of his funk.
Her staring at him made him feel uncomfortable but consoled at the same time. He didn’t think anyone had ever inspired that feeling before. She seemed to consider her next words carefully. “Tell me about her. Were you happy together?”
He ran a hand through his hair, experiencing a familiar sense of unease. “We didn’t have a typical relationship. We’d been friends for some time, ran in the same circles. When her husband took off with another woman, I was there for her. After a while, it just seemed convenient to sleep together.”
“So she wasn’t your grand passion then?”
He grinned. “No. I guess I always knew she wasn’t over Andy, but I fooled myself into believing their relationship was done. He’d married her and then decided he wasn’t quite finished sowing his wild oats. Even started divorce proceedings. He left her just as she realized she was pregnant.”
“Charming.”
“Yeah, I thought so too. Anyway, Bridget accepted my help, and it seemed to make sense that friends could be lovers. I convinced myself I cared more than I did, and she swore she wanted nothing more to do with him.”
“It didn’t bother you she was pregnant with another man’s child?”
“At first, I just thought I could give her some support. Once she started showing, I got excited. I told myself we could be a family. Looking back, I realize a part of me really wanted to be a dad. I never had much of a family life, you see. I guess I craved stability, or at least liked the idea of giving it to someone else.”
As soon as he spied the look of empathy in her eyes, he forgot about the hostile circumstances in which they met. He was just appreciative having her there, showing some kindness.
“I treated Michelle like my own. Bridget was grateful, but gratitude isn’t the same as love.” He scratched his chin. “For a while, we had fun playing family. But as much as I loved that little girl, her mom and I couldn’t fake it very long. The chemistry just wasn’t there. We argued over stupid things. Made a lot of mistakes. But I held on for Michelle. Trust me. Staying for the kid never makes it better.”
She sighed, as if she understood completely. “What happened?”
Liam sucked in a breath. “My job kept us apart. I work a lot of nights and after a while I realized I was staying longer and longer at the office. I was right in the middle of making plans for this place and life was hectic. When I did give myself a day off, she purposely kept away, as if to punish me.
“Then one day she went out with friends and left her cell phone behind. It rang, and I answered, thinking it might be her calling home. It was Andy. I saw his name on the display. As soon as he realized it wasn’t her on the phone, he hung up.”
He stared at his coffee mug, wishing he could drown in its dark depths. “I accused her of seeing him behind my back. She didn’t even deny it. Andy had said he still loved her, that he was sorry, and that he wanted to be a father to his child.”
Kate’s face turned down. “That must have been horrible for you.”
“It was a fucking nightmare,” he admitted in a quiet voice. “I love that little girl with all my heart. But at the end of the day, Michelle’s not my biological daughter, even if I was there when she was born.”
She shook her head, but said nothing.
“I don’t even have words to describe what I went through. I’ve been in a very dark place since then. The only thing that keeps me sane is my work.” And no matter how much his doctor suggested he reduce his hours, working less meant more time to think about what he’d lost.
“And now you want custody?” She spoke in quiet, tentative tones.
“Can you blame me?”
“Not really, but sole custody? They are her parents.”
“I don’t trust them, either of them. I don’t trust Andy not to hurt Michelle later on. That bastard turned his back on his daughter when she needed him most, and if he thinks I’ll just step aside so he can do it again, he can go fuck himself.”
Kate frowned, and he could see his words struck a nerve. “But…”
“There are no buts. As far as I’m concerned, she’s my little girl. She always will be. I know having a casino owner as a dad isn’t exactly ideal, but I did my best. Even had a nursery set up in my last office so I could be with her while I was at work sometimes. I changed her diapers. I took her to the park on weekends. I bottle-fed her and held her in my arms. I did more for her than her own flesh and blood father ever did. Ever will. I love her. I can’t just turn that off.”
He gazed into Kate’s eyes. Sympathy shone there, clear as day. Not that he wanted her sympathy, but it felt good to unburden himself. There was no judgment in Kate’s eyes, no comments that she thought him a gullible fool. Just warmth, something he didn’t feel too often these days.
The pastries sat untouched before them, and they both stared at the tray. Liam had ordered them because strawberries were Michelle’s favorite. Were they still? How the hell would he know? He suddenly felt like tossing them across the room.
“Of course you can’t turn it off,” Kate said. “But you have to understand you’ll need to cut Michelle out of your life. For your own sanity.”
“To hell with sanity. I’m not cutting her out of my life. I’ve got the best law firm in the business backing me. They’ll help me get Michelle back.”
“But she’s not yours. You said it yourself, and Bridget seems remorseful.”
“I don’t care. I was a part of her life for three years. Michelle is mine and her idiot sperm donor father isn’t standing in my way. They think I’ll walk away from her? I will never abandon her.” He knew what that was like. No way he’d do that to his little girl.
“You wouldn’t be abandoning her. You’d be just…moving on.”
He felt his blood pressure ratchet up a notch. “I have no wish to ‘move on.’”
“I don’t know if that’s helping the situation. It sounds, well, controlling.”
“Since when is being in control a bad thing?”
“There’s a difference between in control and being controlling.”
“I don’t care. If that makes me a sore loser, so be it.”
“But Liam, this battle is poisonous. It’ll hurt Michelle in the long run, and it’ll devastate everyone else involved.” Her soft voice sounded more logical than his own conscience had ever been. “I know it must hurt to turn away, but don’t you think it’s best?”
Frustration sizzled like acid in his gut and he directed his annoyance squarely at Kate. “You don’t understand. I don’t care if the legal battle kills me. I just want what’s best for her. I can give her a better life than they can. I don’t want her to grow up and wonder why I left. Can’t you see that?”
“Oh, Liam. This is not right. You have to end this, for your own sake. You have to let her go. I know it will hurt, but if you don’t hit rock bottom, you won’t move forward.”
“I won’t lose my daughter!”
“She’s not your daughter!”
Their raised voices echoed throughout the room, but the ensuing silence felt louder.
“Who asked you?” he said quietly, but with vehemence. “I think you should go.”
“I think so too.” Still looking concerned, she stood and gathered her purse. Plain, sensible, just like her. Well, he was tired of being sensible. Sensible had lost him everything.