Kate was dumbstruck. What had happened? He’d turned on a dime, and all because she’d tried to help the man who’d helped her.
Yet she couldn’t help feeling he was pushing her away on purpose. She’d struck a nerve, and it made him scared. So did she let him walk away, or did she continue to probe?
Well, she’d never been the sort to accept defeat. She wouldn’t now.
She hauled her body out of the bed, ran to the door and blocked it.
“Get out of the way, Kate.”
“No.”
“I mean it.”
“No. You are going to stay here and you are going to tell me what happened to you. And I don’t mean the bullshit you’d find on a press release. I mean the real you.” She put a hand on his chest. “The real Liam.”
He stared at her, his face drawn and sad. Then he laughed in such a way her blood ran cold. Once again, he resembled the man Bridget had described, the man who got off on punishing others.
“You don’t ever wanna meet the real Liam. Trust me. Now move out of the way, Kate.”
“No,” she said, quiet but firm. “You’re trying to push me away to see if I’ll come running after you. Well, here I am. Running. What happened in the bedroom felt real. It wasn’t some random fuck. And I know you felt it, too. When you looked at me in the mirror, I felt…centered and scared all at once. I don’t understand any of it, but there it is.”
He made no response, but stared at her robe.
“Dammit, Liam. I shared my soul with you! How dare you take that and try to walk away? I know you’re in pain, so let me be here for you. Please.”
His chest rose and fell and he gave it a vigorous rub.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Then talk to me. I’m not going anywhere.”
After what felt like an eternity, he let his hand drop. She swore she saw wild barrens in his cold eyes as they bore into her, could almost feel frostbite nipping at her fingers and toes.
He grabbed one of her hands, turned it over and kissed her palm. “You won’t like what you hear.”
“Maybe not, but I can take it. Now sit down, Doyle, or I’ll smack your sweet ass.”
He cocked a brow at her, the first hint of anything less than quiet fury. He might be ready to talk, but she didn’t trust that he would. Even still, he walked back into the bedroom, sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him. “You asked for it.”
She stared at him, almost afraid of what he would say next. What had the world done to him? She was terrified to know, as much as she needed to hear it.
Her heart pounded madly as she joined him in the bedroom.
Chapter Ten
As Kate plopped down on the bed next to him, smelling of flowers, sweat and of him, Liam fought the urge to take her once again. She made him forget himself, and at the same time she forced him to remember.
Who abandoned you? She probably had no clue she’d hit the nail on the head with that question. And dammit, she deserved an answer.
But could she handle it? All of it?
He wasn’t quite sure how to explain. After all, he’d never shared the truth with anyone other than the social services worker who’d followed his case so long ago.
He’d been able to bury the pain, to ignore it, at least most of the time. But since meeting Kate, the old demons seemed to want to take another stab at him. Every time his heart galloped unsteadily, he knew suppressing those feelings wasn’t working anymore.
As if to prove the point, a sharp pain stabbed at him. He sucked in a breath and fought the urge to clutch his chest. It’s just stress, nothing more. Stress can be controlled.
Kate touched his face. “Liam? I’m here for you.”
His eyes were burning. Shit, that was a new feeling. He really didn’t want to blubber in front of Kate. He took a deep breath. “Okay. When I was a kid, I lost everything, everyone, who meant anything to me. That’s why I’ve been fighting so hard for Michelle. I didn’t want her to go through the same thing.”
Kate crossed her legs and her robe fell open, exposing her calves. Liam stroked them, wishing he could lose himself in her body again and forget the past for a few minutes longer.
I never wanted you. And now it’s time for me to have my own family. Liam, you’re just not part of it. You never were.
The voice of his stepmother made him want to spit. He must have made a face because Kate leaned in and kissed the side of his mouth, soft yet urgent, as if wanting to take his pain away.
“Tell me.”
“My mom died when I was five. We were at home, having lunch. I remember she made us ham sandwiches. I have trouble picturing her face sometimes, but I can still see those damn sandwiches.” He paused, unable to recall the exact shape of her eyes. “I was sitting with her at the table when she began to make strange noises.” This much he did remember, as if it was yesterday. “My mom started to choke in front of me and I was too young to help her.”
Kate’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, no.”
“I thought everyone would blame me. Of course, no one did. I was just a kid, but even at that age, a part of me felt responsible.”
“You couldn’t have helped her. You must know that.”
“I do know it. My dad explained later that she’d had an aneurism. But for a long time, I told myself I should have been able to save her, only to find out there’s no way I could have.” He closed his eyes for a second, recalling the terror that kept him up for so many nights afterward. “An aneurism. Just the thought of it scares the shit out of me. How do you possibly fight something like that?”
“No one would have expected you to do anything.”
“I know. My dad said the same thing, but he was also struggling. Her death changed him. He sort of lost interest in parenting. I got put in front of the TV a lot, read thousands of comic books. He still took me to school, helped me with my homework, but I could see his heart wasn’t in it.”
“He was grieving.”
“Of course. And that’s why I was happy when he started dating a couple of years later. Kids can be smart. They may not have all the details, but they know what’s going on. And I wanted my happy-go-lucky dad back. It’s funny, some kids get scared when their dads bring home a stepmom, but not me. I was excited to meet Shauna. I missed having a mom and I really hoped she’d like me.”
Kate frowned. She could no doubt see where this was going.
Liam chuckled. “Oh, it wasn’t obvious at first, but like I said, kids soon figure things out. Shauna was just, well, prickly when I met her. Maybe it was nerves, I don’t know, but she didn’t give me the warm and fuzzies.”
“How old were you then?”
“Nine.” He rolled his shoulders, trying to release the tension in his neck. “She was a beautiful woman, sophisticated and elegant. So different from how I remembered my mom. My mother was beautiful too, but in a homey way, you know? Comfortable. She wasn’t concerned about the latest fashions. She was just happy being a mom and a wife.”
Kate nodded her understanding.
“But Shauna wanted to be wined and dined and didn’t really make an effort to hang around me. I could tell she wished my dad hadn’t had a kid. And I guess he was so taken with her he didn’t notice how frosty she was to me. I was sent to a lot of babysitters. I remember sitting in other people’s houses, wishing I could be at dinner with them. Wishing she wanted me.”
Kate reached over and caressed his thigh under his robe. Her fingers, so cool and soft, felt wonderful on his warm skin.
“Anyway, they got married. I remember overhearing a conversation as they were planning the wedding. Shauna didn’t want me there. She said she didn’t want any kids at the reception, but I knew it was just me she wanted out of the picture.”