The idea of Liam cavorting with socialites made her stomach lurch. Kate took deep breaths and tried to concentrate on her work, sorting prepackaged bags of fair-trade brew. Someone had mixed up the decaf with the strong Columbian and she set about restoring order to the display. The writing on the coffee bags began to blur from her tears. She blinked them away.
You were a fool to think you could be part of his world.
“Hey.”
Kate jumped at the soft voice next to her and turned. Kate’s eyes widened when she saw Lisa at the counter, Georgie and Sarah at her side. Georgie ran around the counter and hugged her, almost making her burst into tears again, but she held it back so as not to startle the poor kid.
Georgie sniffed her work shirt and said, “Auntie Kate, you smell like Grandma after she comes back from bingo.”
Kate let out a laugh, even as Lisa scolded him for the comparison. “You’re right, George.” Cynthia always smoked out back on her breaks but the smell managed to cling to Kate’s clothes anyway.
Lisa turned to her daughter and handed her some change. “Sarah, take your brother and go get a chocolate bar next door.”
The girl grabbed her little brother by his collar and hurried out.
“So,” said Lisa, sighing.
“So.”
“I, um, thought I saw you from outside. Thought I’d grab a coffee.”
Kate nodded and poured Lisa her usual black brew. She handed it over. “How are you?”
Lisa took the cup and rummaged in her pocket for change, letting out a puff of air. “We’re okay. Day by day, right?” She handed over some change.
“Yup.” She ground the toe of her Keds into the floor.
Lisa put down the cup. “Look. Rod said something about you being attacked. Is it true?”
She nodded, not wanting to say more.
“Oh, Kate.” Lisa’s voice quavered. “I’m sorry.”
Her head bobbed up and down. “I’m sorry, too.”
They hugged and Kate finally gave into her grief and her fear and cried on Lisa’s shoulder. After a couple of minutes, Lisa wrangled herself from their hold and looked at her. “Please tell me Liam Doyle wasn’t the one who hit you. Because I will kill him.”
“No. Not him. Never him.” She gulped back bile. “I love him, Lisa.”
Her friend sighed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “So I see.” She narrowed her eyes and peered at her neck. “Where are your pearls?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Well, I think it’s time for a catch up session. Come for a coffee, or something stronger, after your shift?”
She managed a grin. “I’d really like that.”
Lisa kissed her on the cheek, and just like that, some of the weight that had been holding Kate down lifted. She felt she could breathe again. They said a few more words before the kids bounded back inside, eager to return home so they could play videogames. Lisa smiled and said goodbye. Kate waved as they left.
She turned back to the packages of coffee and decided they looked just fine as they were.
Lisa handed her what had to be her seventeenth cup of coffee that day, after stirring in cream and two heaping teaspoons of sugar. Kate waited a moment, stared at the mug, and then added another teaspoon of the sweet stuff.
Her friend giggled. “I see we’re back on sugar.”
“Sugar and I were never meant to be apart.” She stirred the hot beverage and licked the spoon, enjoying the tingle on her tongue. “Have you seen Donny?”
Lisa nodded. “When he rushed over to tell me about you and Doyle, he acted pretty excited to be at home. Personally, I think he was just happy seeing someone take the heat for once.”
Kate put her hand on Lisa’s arm. “But then he disappeared again?”
Lisa gave a short laugh, though it lacked in humor. “Actually, no. Even though I was angry at you, I read him the riot act for trying to get someone else in trouble just to try and get me on his side. We talked. For a long time. I mean really talked.”
“You did?”
Lisa nodded. “At first it was the same old song and dance. He was just trying to ‘protect’ me by pointing out what a shitty friend you were. Sorry, his words.”
Kate smiled. “That’s okay.”
“But then he just went on this crazy rant. Talking about how he hated the world for messing up his life. Our lives. He blamed Doyle, he blamed you, he blamed the security guard who threw him out. He blamed me, and the kids, and my mom. He blamed his boss for not giving him a raise, and his co-workers for undermining him. Then he blamed his car for breaking down and the mechanic for ripping him off. And I think it was around that time he realized he was blaming just about everyone he knew. Except himself.”
Kate said nothing, but her eyes widened.
“It just sort of hit him. Like he’d seen himself in a mirror for the first time. I think that’s when he realized he was the one who messed up our lives.”
“Wow. That’s sort of huge.”
“I know. He broke down after that. Cried for over an hour. That’s when we really talked, and for the first time ever he seemed to listen. He’s agreed to get help.”
“Oh, Lisa. That’s such a big step. I’m really happy for you.”
“I don’t have illusions. I know it’ll be a long road. But I want to help him, and more importantly, he wants to as well. We’re all seeing a family therapist, and he’s started going to Gam-Anon. I think we’ll get past this, and for once I don’t feel like I’m fooling myself.”
They quietly shared their coffee for a time. Kate was still somewhat skeptical about her friend’s husband, but Lisa didn’t need to hear that right now. She didn’t want to tear down all her hopes. But Donny had accepted responsibility, which was more than her father ever did. Maybe there was hope for them after all.
Tired of the silence, Lisa changed the subject back to Kate. “So about you and Doyle?”
She gave her coffee one more, absentminded stir, watching the little whorls dissipate. “I don’t know. Liam was just…too much for me. Too much money. Too much intensity. Too much sex.”
Lisa looked doubtful. “Um, just for the record, there’s no such thing as too much sex.”
Kate grinned. “There is when it’s all you do. Don’t get me wrong. It was good. Shouting-from-the-rooftops good. But our whole relationship was based on this bizarre attraction. I don’t know if it ever had the potential to get deeper than that. Liam’s been hurting for so long, has lost so much in his life. He said he didn’t want to lose me, but I think he’s just terrified of losing anything. It’s as if he built this empire of…stuff.” She wrinkled her nose. “And there’s the whole casino thing. How can I ever get past that?”
“Maybe you don’t need to.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s his work, not his life. Maybe you just come to an agreement that you never talk work.”
“No. I don’t want to censor him. Besides, casinos are his life. He practically lives in one.”
Lisa tugged at her bottom lip. “Right. The fancy suite with the mile-long fireplace. How could I forget?” The look on her face made it clear she’d already imagined the fantasy suite in minute detail. “Look, Kate, I’m hardly one to lecture another person on choosing a partner. Look at the situation I’m in. But you admitted you and Liam love each other, and I’ve never seen you cry over anyone before. You’ve always been the one to help others with their relationships. I think this thing with Liam runs deeper than you know.”
Kate shook her head. Was she ready for something that deep? Was he? Not if that newspaper was any indication.
“He already made strides. Damn, you said he dropped the custody suit. Doesn’t that prove the man is trying to change?”
It seemed like eons ago. Even though she’d been mostly asleep, she remembered feeling such pride, such relief, on his behalf.