“Why?”
“Just study it, will you?”
My own name seemed to start out of the page. I saw clearly its significance. Uncle William was King of England. He had no legitimate heirs— and next to him came Victoria.
I raised my eyes to Lehzen's face; she was looking at me with a mixture of love and fear, tenderness and anxiety.
“It means,” I said slowly, “that when Uncle William dies, I shall be Queen.”
Lehzen nodded.
I felt dizzy. So many things seemed to be slipping into place. All Mama's care; all Uncle Cumberland's threats; Mama's insistence on my being given my proper dues. I was destined—very likely—to be Queen of England.
I said shakily, “I am nearer to the throne than I thought.”
“Yes, my dearest,” said Lehzen.
“I understand now why you have all been so anxious for me to learn…even Latin. You told me that Latin is the foundation of elegant expression. Oh, Lehzen, I understand now …I do. I do.”
I put my hand into hers and the tears ran down my cheeks.
“My little one,” said Lehzen, “you will do well…very well.”
“Many boast of the splendors of such a position,” I said. “But there are difficulties too.” I raised my hand a little and added solemnly, “I will be good.”
The Waiting Years
MY DISCOVERY COULD NOT FAIL TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THE possibility of being Queen was dazzling. I daresay I assumed new airs and graces. That was inevitable; however, I tried to remind myself that although all the balls and banquets, riding through the streets in a splendid carriage, and waving to the loyal people would be the greatest of pleasures, I must remember the responsibilities too. I recalled the poor man to whom I had given six shillings. He and many like him would be my subjects. I wanted to make them all happy, as well as to live in a pleasant state myself.
I became more restless. I hated the restrictions of life in the Palace. Uncle Cumberland was out of favor now. The new King, William, had denounced him and made it clear that he would not have him trying to guide him as he had their brother George. I was free now of that threat. Cumberland would not dare to harm one whose ascension to the throne was imminent. Uncle George's death had made a great difference.
I used to lie in my white-painted French bed with the chintz curtains and pretend to be asleep when Lehzen sat there waiting for Mama to come to bed, and tell myself that I was nothing more than a captive. They watched everything I did.
It was a great trial to be heir presumptive to the throne, to be guarded day and night and be only eleven years old. I felt there was so much I ought to know and there was no one except Lehzen and Spath in whom I could confide. I loved Spath very much, and Lehzen more than anyone else, but if I broached certain subjects, a barrier would always be drawn up and I could see in their eyes—even dear Spath's who was much more inclined to be indiscreet than Lehzen—that it was Not Good for the Child to Know … just yet. If Feodore had been there it would have been different. Oh, how I missed Feodore! But when people are absent for a long time they grow away from one; and I could read in dear Feodore's letters that she was becoming more and more accustomed to life with her Ernest, of whom she seemed to grow more and more fond, and was not only reconciled but was enjoying married life with its prospect of motherhood.
So surrounded as I was by people who were determined to protect me, and never let me be by myself, oddly enough I often felt alone.
I was very careful how I behaved, and tried not to show any difference in my conduct from what it had been before I knew of my possible future.
I smiled to remember how arrogant I had been when I was about six years old and I had already been aware that I belonged to the royal family. When little Lady Jane Ellice had been brought to play with me, I had adopted a superior attitude to her and told her she must not play with the toys that were mine. “Though I may call you Jane,” I informed her, “you must not call me Victoria, but Princess or Highness.” I still remember the blank look on little Jane's face, and how she turned away and started to play by herself.
There must be nothing like that now that I was older and wiser. But eleven is still not very old, less still a wise age.
Ever since I had met Dr. Stockmar's cousin in the grounds, Mama had not been quite so effusively fond of Uncle Leopold. I sensed this because, I suppose, at that time Uncle Leopold was the most important person in my life—with perhaps the exception of Lehzen.
I was a little uneasy and meant to ask Uncle Leopold why Mama was displeased with him because Dr. Stockmar's cousin was at Claremont, but before I had the opportunity a matter of great importance drove it from my mind.
I was paying one of my cherished visits to Claremont.
Uncle Leopold greeted me with great pleasure, and there was dear Louisa Lewis looking so happy because I had come. I was delighted to be there but I noticed immediately that Uncle Leopold was looking a little strained. I asked after his health and he told me he suffered cruelly from insomnia.
“Dear Uncle, you work too hard.”
“I could not be happy if I did not do my duty.”
“But I must insist that you rest more.”
“My dearest little Doctor Victoria, rest is not so easily come by. My rheumatism is particularly painful at night.”
“It is so wrong that you who are so good should suffer so.”
Uncle Leopold sighed. “It is my fate, dear child, I fear.”
He looked at me sadly and I thought tenderly of all his ailments: his built-up shoes which gave comfort to his feet; his wig to keep his head warm; and the feather boa he sometimes wore to keep the cold from his shoulders. Yet in spite of all these weaknesses Uncle Leopold did not look in the least like an invalid.
I should never forget that he had given up the crown of Greece to be with me. He had reminded me of it many times.
“How many men would give a great deal to be a king!” he had said. “I happen to think that life would be more rewarding guiding one who is dearer to me than anyone else since my beloved Charlotte died.”
Dear Uncle Leopold, who had given me so much!
“My dear little Victoria,” he said. “I want to talk to you…very seriously.”
I was surprised because it seemed to me that Uncle Leopold never talked in any other way than seriously.
“I have pondered long over this matter and have at last come to a conclusion. I am deeply concerned about the Belgian people who have severed their connection with Holland.”
“Is that a bad thing, Uncle?”
“It could be a very good thing. You see they need a ruler…a strong ruler. They need a king.”
“Perhaps they will have one.”
“Yes, my child, they are going to have one. You see him before you.”
I looked round sharply.
“No, my dearest. Here.”
“You, Uncle Leopold?”
“None other.”
“You are the King of the Belgians! But Uncle…”
“They have offered me the crown. I have had sleepless nights thinking of the matter.”
“You often have sleepless nights, Uncle.”
“Yes…yes… but more since this proposition was made to me.”
I waited. I was beginning to feel very apprehensive.
“I know now where my duty lies. The saddest thing will be to say goodbye to my dear little niece.”
“So…you are going away?”
“I must, my child. All my inclinations are to stay here…to be near you…to guide you…as I have done all these years. But I know in my heart that my duty is to my Belgian subjects. So, my dearest Victoria, I am going away. Oh, we shall be in constant contact. You write such interesting letters. They will sustain me in all my tasks. I shall watch for them …Indeed I shall watch over you…I shall never be far away from you… and I shall want to know all that goes on.”