Spath took a few more seconds to recover.
“My dear Princess, you must say nothing of this…of course that was not the case. The Duchess was no doubt asking his advice… about some…er, document… some matter… and it was necessary for her to stand close to him to show it to him.”
“I saw no document,” I said. “It was her hand he was holding…not a document.”
“Oh, you have been mistaken and I should say no more of this… not to anyone.”
I was very disturbed and that made me more alert. Poor Spath became so absent-minded that I knew she could not forget it either. I heard her whispering with Lehzen. I could not hear what was said but I knew from Lehzen's manner that she was giving Spath stern advice.
AUNT SOPHIA WAS having a little party in her rooms at Kensington Palace. There would be music and my two cousins George Cambridge and George Cumberland would be there, and so would Aunt Adelaide.
Aunt Adelaide, now Queen Adelaide, had come to ask Mama's permission for me to attend.
“Victoria sings so prettily,” said Aunt Adelaide. “We do want her to come.”
Mama graciously said I might go.
Mama never treated Aunt Adelaide as though she were the Queen. Indeed seeing them together one would have thought that Mama was of superior rank. Some might have resented that; Aunt Adelaide did not. She was all for peace and for overcoming family quarrels and getting us all together. I often thought that if they had all been like her we should have been a happier family.
I practiced singing with Mr. Sale all the morning; Lehzen had said other lessons might be set aside for once; and Mr. Sale said I was in good voice and was sure they would all enjoy my singing.
Lehzen helped me dress in my lovely white silk dress with the blue sash and white satin slippers.
“Lehzen,” I said, “do I look too fat?”
“You look lovely.”
“But fat! Sir John said I was a plump little princess.”
“That man! If you are plump, my dearest, then it is good to be plump. They will all think how beautiful you are and when they hear you sing…well, they will be astounded.”
“Oh Lehzen, you are the dearest person in the world.”
“Now, now. Stay calm. Remember you have to give a performance.”
What a pleasant afternoon! I did like my two cousins, they were both very attentive, and after my performance, which was very much applauded, Aunt Adelaide kissed me and said I sang like an angel. She also whispered how delighted she was that I had come and that the King wanted me to go and see him; and she was sure, if my Mama would allow it, there could be many happy gatherings like this with all the children.
I supposed that meant the little FitzClarences. I was sure Mama would not allow that; and it struck me as strange that a queen could love little children whereas a mere duchess thought herself too good for them.
I said, “I should love to come and to see the King.”
She smiled as though we shared a secret and said she would do her best to arrange it.
When I arrived back in our apartments it was to find Lehzen distraught and Spath almost hysterical with grief.
“What has happened?” I cried.
Spath could not speak but Lehzen came to me and put her arms round me.
“The Baroness is to leave us,” she said.
“To leave us!”
“Yes, she is going to your sister. Feodore needs her now that she is a mother. The Duchess thinks that Feodore needs her more than you do.”
“But I can't lose Spath.”
Spath emerged from her grief to give me a loving look. I dashed to her, “Oh dear, dear Spath… what does it mean? I will go to Mama…I will not have it. I am going to the Queen. I will not have it, Spath.”
Lehzen said quickly, “You must not talk like that. It is unseemly to talk of seeing the Queen. Neither the King nor the Queen would like it. It is very wrong. Baroness Spath is going, and sad as that makes us, we must think of the joy your sister will have in welcoming her. She needs help with her babies.”
“I am sure Feodore could find someone to help her with the babies and she would not want me to lose dear Spath. I will go to Mama.”
“It is already settled. Your mother and … er … Sir John have decided.”
“That odious man.”
Neither Lehzen nor Spath contradicted me. They hated him as much as I did.
I embraced Spath and we clung together, mingling our tears. I knew, and she knew, that there was nothing we could do.
One day, I told myself, it will be different.
THERE WAS GLOOM in our apartments. Mama pursed her lips and when I spoke of Spath, said she was an interfering gossiping old woman and she was not really suitable to be in the household.
“But I love her,” I said defiantly.
“You must not be so vehement,” said Mama. “You are a little vulgar in your expressions of affection for these people.”
“These people! We are talking about darling Spath.”
“Oh dear, we are going to have a storm, are we? Listen to me, Victoria. I have done everything possible to bring you up in a manner befitting your position. You know now that you have to be careful… far more careful than others. You have your destiny to fulfill. That is why I have devoted my life to bringing you up.”
It is always disconcerting to be the object of so much self-sacrifice and I could not deny that Mama had taken great pains to be with me all the time. Often I had wished she was less zealous, but that did not lessen the sacrifices she had made.
I could see I was no match for her so I continued to brood in silence.
Lehzen was worried. I know now that she was thinking: It is Spath today. It could be me tomorrow.
It was a good thing that I did not know that then. I should have been completely terrified if I had. The thought of losing Lehzen too would have been intolerable.
It was from Spath that I heard more of what had happened. I supposed that when she had her marching orders she felt justified in being indiscreet.
“What started it,” she told me, “was due to that daughter of his.”
“Victoire?”
“Oh, I could do without those two… her and her sister Jane.”
She lapsed into German, which I understood well enough. Victoire had come to her while she was sitting at her tatting just after I had left for Aunt Sophia's apartments.
Victoire had taunted her. She wanted to know why she, Victoire, had not been invited to sing at the party. Why should Victoria go and she not? It was not fair. Her father was important. He was the most important man in the country. Everybody knew it. He gave the orders.
“It was more than I could bear,” said Spath. “I shouted at her, ‘You illbred monster. You have no right here, you and your upstart father…' She called me an old German woman and said I was a silly old fool, I… and caraway-seed-eating Baroness Lehzen, who had only been made a baroness because she had to mingle with people of high rank where she could not very well be a mere Fraulein.”
“Victoire can be a horrid child,” I said.
“Well, my Princess, I could bear no more, so I went to the Duchess. I was not thinking very clearly. I was so enraged. I said, ‘That Conroy child has been rude to me…' And your mother shrugged it aside and said she was only a child. I then lost my calm.”
“Dear Spath,” I said, “you never had much.”
“I said what I should not have said.”
“What, Spath? Tell me what.”
She shook her head and it took me a little time to prize it out of her.
“I said, ‘And that man, Duchess. The Princess Victoria has noticed… the friendship between you and him …' ”