“But there’s something we have to talk about, Captain Geary.” She brushed past him into the stateroom, and he followed, trying not to get angry as Rione turned to watch him. “Have I told you how grateful I am, Captain Geary?” she continued. “For what you did for the Alliance. For all of the things you could have done and didn’t. I owe you as a senator, I owe you as Co-President of the Callas Republic, and I owe you as an individual.”
“That’s okay.” Geary waved one hand dismissively. “I did my duty.”
“You did much more than your duty, Captain Geary, and that is why despite some personal issues I have regarding a certain other captain of our acquaintance, I have nonetheless come here to inform you that you have one message in your in-box you should read before you go wandering around this ship looking for someone.”
What was Rione up to this time? “Why?”
“Trust me. Call up your in-box.”
Feeling increasingly curious as well as annoyed, Geary reopened his message file. “Which one of these messages is so important?”
“None of those. The one I’m talking about is set for delayed delivery. It’s in your file but won’t be visible for … oh … another hour or so. Unless you happen to enter this override code.” Rione’s fingers danced across the controls, and a moment later another message popped into existence. “My, would you look at that.”
Frowning, Geary examined the message. Eyes Only, Personal For. It had originated on Dauntless. He opened the file and read.
Dear Admiral of the Fleet Geary,I hope you will forgive this means of communication, but it seemed the best way to avoid putting you in an unpleasant or awkward situation.
You have fulfilled the promises once given, but unspoken promises lie between us. We both know what they are. I do not doubt your sincerity. But you have been confined to Dauntless since your awakening, confined to this ship under great stress, forced to associate with certain individuals in order to fulfill your duties as fleet commander. It was only natural that you should develop an emotional attachment under those circumstances. But, given time and freedom, you may well grow to regret unspoken promises made under duress, nor can I blame you for that.
I will not hold you to promises that were never spoken.
By the time we meet again, you will have had a chance to look around, to see life outside the confines of Dauntless, and to decide what you truly choose. There are many challenges still facing you. You have many opportunities.
It was a great honor to fight under your command, and I hope you will consider sailing on Dauntless again.
Very respectfully,
He stared for what felt like a long time at the message, then finally turned to Rione. “What the hell does this mean?”
“Why do you think I’ve read it?”
“Because I know you! What’s Tanya talking about?” Rione spread her hands. “She says it all, more or less clearly. She’s worried that sooner or later the great hero Black Jack Geary, who could have any woman he wanted, will want someone else.” Rione smiled sardonically. “Like me, she won’t be any man’s second choice.”
“How could she think that?” Geary frowned, another question coming to him. “Why did she set this for delivery to me in another hour?”
“I can’t imagine,” Rione replied with mock bafflement. “Did you set your message to the fleet headquarters announcing your departure for immediate transmission?”
“No, of course not, I wanted to be gone before—” He stared at Rione, suddenly remembering something in the last part of Desjani’s message. By the time we meet again. “Desjani’s going? Where?”
“Do I have to tell you everything?”
He stopped to think and immediately realized the answer. “Kosatka. She’s going home on leave.” Geary took a long breath, trying to calm himself. “Why didn’t she talk first? We finally would have been able to talk about it.”
“You read the message. She doesn’t think you’re ready to talk about it.”
“How could she make that decision on her own?” Geary felt himself getting angry now. “I can’t believe she ran away instead of—”
Rione’s snort of exasperation was intense enough to stop Geary’s words. “Are you planning on telling her you think she ‘ran away’?”
He took another deep breath. “No.”
“Good. You’re not hopeless. But you’re not thinking about what’s going on inside her. Duty and honor tell her one thing, not to stand in the way of what you need to do for the Alliance in the future. Even I have to respect her concern on those grounds. Her doubts make her wonder how real your feelings are, feelings you’ve never actually been able to talk with her about, and how long those feelings will last. Is she just an infatuation born of your isolation in this fleet? Is a mere fleet captain going to be a worthy partner for someone as powerful as you? She’s probably even wondering if you’re going to return to me now, as if I’d have you again.”
Geary shook his head, trying to find holes in Rione’s argument. “But—”
“And against all of that,” Rione continued, her voice sharpening, “your captain has only her own love for you, which she also has never been free to express openly and which has no doubt been a source of considerable private guilt for her when she dared dwell on it. Love needs expression, Captain Geary, or doubts grow amid the silence. Doubts of the other and doubts of yourself.”
He took a few breaths this time, then nodded. “You left something out. She’s worried about being known as just my partner, not as herself, as Black Jack’s companion instead of for what she’s accomplished herself.”
“Ah, yes. That’s a big one. So what will you do, Black Jack?”
He glared at Rione. “What am I supposed to do?”
She sighed and relented again. “What would your captain tell you to do if you were facing a very difficult decision?”
He thought about that. “She’d tell me to follow my instincts.”
“What did I tell you to do a few days ago concerning your captain?”
Geary tried to recall. “To follow my instincts.”
“Hopefully you’ll listen to one of us. What do your instincts tell you to do now?”
“To find her and tell her how I feel, to let her know that she won’t stand in the way of my duty, that her honor helps give me the strength to do what I must, that I will always stand beside her and she beside me, and that I will never choose another.”
“Not bad.” Rione pointed toward the hatch. “Then what are you waiting for?”
“I’m still trying to understand why she didn’t wait around for us to talk about it. It’s the first time we’ve had a chance, so why not meet me while we’re still on the same ship?”
This time Rione rolled her eyes. “You mean catch you in your stateroom? On her ship? The ship you’ve been confined to for months? Catch you before you can get away?”
“That’s not—She did say something like that.”
“Of course she did. Your captain is giving you an out, a chance to reset things, to go if you wish, to salvage her own pride and honor without forcing you to tell her that ‘things have changed.’ ”