“I’m fine. Somehow it comforts me to know that he wanted me to be happy.”
“I get that. Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Happy?” He whispered the word, as if he was afraid of my answer.
I nodded. “I don’t think I knew true happiness until you.”
He smiled, acknowledging my words. I saw a hint of relief pass through his features. “Are going to open the second envelope?”
I’d almost forgotten there was even a second one in there.
I slit it open with my finger and pulled out a piece of paper. It was a smaller paper, and only one word was written on it: NEVERMIND.
Never mind was actually two words, but this was no time for a grammar lesson.
Never mind? Was he telling me to forget what he’d written in his letter?
Or was he telling me to forget about the past we had shared?
Never mind?
I was colossally confused.
I showed the paper to Parker, and his brows knit together in confusion. “Nevermind?”
“I don’t get it, either.”
“Never mind the letter?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.”
It annoyed me and irritated me that I had no real answer and would never have one. It wasn’t like I could just pick up the phone and ask Damien what his note had meant.
So instead of worrying about it, I dipped my grilled cheese in my tomato soup and tried to figure out how the hell I was going to finish planning my wedding in the five days we had left.
I texted my dad after dinner to let him know that I’d received some correspondence that he should probably take a look at, and he texted back that he was on his way over. I was glad that he was coming to me, because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my evil stepmother, and I wasn’t in the mood to be followed all the way there and back.
Parker opened the door to him less than thirty minutes later.
“From D?” my dad asked as he gave me a hug in greeting.
I nodded.
“You doing okay with everything?” he asked, his fingertips under my chin as he inspected my face.
“I’m fine.”
“You want to wait a few weeks on the wedding?”
I glanced over at Parker, who was standing behind my dad. His eyes met mine, and of all of the crazy, fucked up things happening, marrying Parker seemed to be the one thing I was absolutely certain about in my life.
“I don’t want to wait. I wish we could do it tomorrow.”
“Okay, CC. Whatever you want. You let me know what you need.”
“Your credit card for dress shopping tomorrow.”
He laughed. “Use the one I gave you. Find the right one. You know I don’t care about the cost.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him again.
“Have you thought about a wedding party?”
I shrugged as we walked into my family room. “I don’t really want one. I want you to walk me down the aisle, and then I want to marry Parker with the people we both love most in the world watching us. That’s it. I don’t want some huge, gaudy affair.” I paused, thinking of my dad’s last three weddings, and then I added, “No offense.”
He chuckled. “None taken.” He sat on my couch, and I sat on my favorite chair.
“I didn’t mean you.”
“So this correspondence from Damien?” he asked, effectively changing the subject.
I handed him the letter and watched as he read it.
Parker messed around in the kitchen, cleaning up our dinner dishes. He was trying to stay out of it, but he was staying near in case I needed him. It was just one more reason why I was marrying this man as soon as possible. He wasn’t sure what I needed, but he stayed close just in case.
“I don’t get it,” my dad said after he finished reading it the first time.
“Don’t get what?” I’d found it pretty self-explanatory.
“Was there anything else in there?”
I handed over the second note.
“Nevermind? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t get that part, either.”
“The last part of the letter doesn’t make sense, CC. The whole thing is written like he knew he’d be gone, but then the last couple of sentences sound different. ‘Something in the way you loved me will always remain in my heart. I’d tell you to come as you are, but it’s probably better if you stay away.’”
“What do you think it means?”
He shrugged, and I saw my own reflection in him. “I’m not sure. Do you mind if I take it to show George?”
My eyes snapped up to his. I didn’t want him to take the letters. I felt sentimental about them. They were my very last link to Damien, and allowing them to leave my possession felt wrong.
Clearly my eyes said everything, because my dad said, “If you’re not okay with that, I can take pictures of them instead.”
I nodded. “That would be okay.”
My dad pulled out his cell phone and snapped a bunch of pictures of the letter and the additional note. He stood. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds to your wedding plans.”
Parker emerged from the kitchen.
“Can I talk to you a second in the hallway?” my dad asked him.
“More secrets?” I complained.
“Manly things. Father to future son-in-law,” my dad answered with a smile. I normally would’ve put up a fight or at least some resistance where I yelled about girl power. I hated secrets. Damien’s note to me had told me not to allow secrets.
But we had a wedding coming up. I was sure my dad and future husband had some things to work out. So I hugged him goodbye. Parker followed him into the hallway, and I read Damien’s letter one more time.
My dad was right. That last part of the letter didn’t make a whole lot of sense.
But I was too emotionally exhausted to attempt to figure out what it meant.
Parker came back a few minutes later and walked over to the chair where I was resting. He kissed the top of my head. “Need anything?”
“Just you.”
A small smile played at his lips. “Are you offering?”
I shrugged.
“I didn’t want to push you because I know we’ve got a lot going on, but I’m horny as fuck.”
I laughed. “Only you could turn me on with such eloquent words.”
He knelt in front of the chair and sat up on his knees so we were eye level. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips.
“Are you sure about this, Jimi?” His face was mere inches from mine, and I drank him in. My lips tasted his perfection. My nose inhaled his manly scent, the scent that had come to mean comfort and home. My eyes feasted on his gorgeous face. It held the anxiety of getting married in a few days while his fiancée was a hot mess of emotions. It held genuine adoration as his eyes met mine. It held soft lines around his eyes from laughter, and it held the scruff that tickled my lips when he kissed me. And despite its perfection, it only held a small fraction of the pieces that made me fall in love with him.
“I’m sure.” My voice was breathless, because when he was so close to me, little else mattered. All I knew was that I loved him with my whole being, and I needed to show him.
The short time span of life had been proven to me when my ex had been murdered at the tender age of only twenty-three.
And maybe the best way I could honor the memory of someone whose life had been cut short too early was to live my own life to the very fullest.
Parker’s warm hands reached under my t-shirt. He caressed my stomach gently, and his hands trailed up my torso. He was moving painfully slowly, but part of my new pledge to live life to the fullest meant living in every moment and enjoying it.
When his fingers pinched my nipples with force, I yelped. Parker was an expert at straddling the line between pleasure and pain. He leaned in to kiss me again, his hands working their magic on my breasts. I felt his palms, rough from playing guitar, followed by a soothing, tender stroke of his fingertips. Every different sensation seemed amplified because I was so completely tuned into my emotions.
He reached down to unbutton my jeans. He didn’t remove them. Instead, he just reached down into my pants and his fingers dove right into my pussy. He made quick work of fingering me, thrusting his fingers in and out, spreading the moisture over my clit and rubbing my body the only way he knew how. He was so attuned to what I needed, to what made my body tick, that it wasn’t long before his fingers threw me into a dizzying orgasm.