She shrugged. “I’ll get a hotel.”
“Don’t be silly. Stay with me.” I blurted it out without thinking. I didn’t take into consideration how Parker would feel about it, but I knew he’d love it. I found it funny that I’d invited his sister to my house so quickly, but it had taken me some time to open up enough to allow Parker into the very same place.
She giggled. “That’s a really kind offer, and don’t take this the wrong way, but no thanks.”
Despite her telling me not to take it the wrong way, I sort of did. “Why not?” I asked indignantly.
“Because I know what goes on behind closed doors when people are engaged. That’s my brother, Roxy. No thanks.”
I laughed. She had a point. “Then at least let me pay for a hotel. Are you in town until the wedding?”
She nodded. “I head back to Chicago on Monday morning.”
“Come home with me now and we’ll book you something. Have you seen Parker yet since you’ve been here?”
She shook her head. “He texted me your location literally when I landed. I plugged it into GPS and here I am.”
I smiled. “I wonder if he’s done with his tux.”
I dialed his number, and a moment later we heard his voice through the speakers of my car. “Hey Jimi.” He sounded tired.
“Hey. Your sister is here with me.”
“Kimmy!” he yelled, a little perkiness back for a fleeting moment.
“PJ!” she yelled back.
“Welcome to California,” he said.
“Thanks! It’s so perfect here. It makes me wonder why I live in Chicago.”
“Then do what I’ve been telling you since I came out here,” Parker said.
She rolled her eyes at me. “We’ll see.”
“Are you siblings done talking so I can ask a question?” I finally interjected.
“That sounded like a question to me,” Parker answered, and he and Kimmy both laughed. It was my turn to roll my eyes.
“Did you get your tux?”
“Yep. On my way home. Did you find a dress?”
I smiled at his use of home. I knew he was talking about my place even though we didn’t live together. Well, technically. At least not yet. “Yep. We’ll be on our way in a little bit. Stay out of the guest room because that’s where my dress is going.”
Kimmy fiddled with her phone while we chatted.
“Okay, babe. Any other instructions?”
I pulled into the spot next to Kimmy’s. “Hold on, your sister is getting out of the car.”
I smile and waved as she shut the door, leaving Parker and me alone. “I have some more instructions for you.”
“Oh?” he asked.
“Tonight you are going to fuck me so hard that I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow.”
“Christ,” Parker muttered. “I think I can probably manage that.”
I grinned. It always felt good to shock him.
He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “What else do we have to do for Saturday?”
“My dad has people taking care of everything for the reception. We’ve got our clothes, music, and food. We’ll hit the florist tomorrow. There are only two important things left that I can think of.”
“What?”
“Rings and vows.”
“I have your ring.”
“You do?”
“I bought it when I bought your engagement ring. It’s a set.”
“Oh. So you were pretty sure it was a yes?”
He laughed. “I knew I had it in the bag.”
twenty-two
After our flowers were sorted, Parker’s ring was purchased, and our entire ceremony was planned out, I only had one thing left to do: write my vows.
I wanted traditional vows, while Parker wanted to write our own.
Since he was a writer, I agreed to it.
And as I sat staring at empty sheet of notebook paper, I completely regretted my decision.
We opted out of bachelor and bachelorette parties. Instead, on Thursday night, Parker went out to dinner with Fitz, Vinnie, and Garrett. Kimmy was getting some work done at her hotel.
We’d made an appearance at Damien’s memorial earlier that day. It had been bizarre. I kept expecting him to pop out of a corner and surprise us.
But he hadn’t.
I stayed long enough to offer my condolences to his family, and then I left. I’d gone with both Parker and my father. It had been a quiet ride to and from the funeral home. I was glad I had gone, and I was glad the two most important men in my life had accompanied me.
It felt strange sitting home alone after going there. Parker had asked me about a thousand times if I was okay on my own. I didn’t want him to miss out on his last chance for a singles night out with his friends, so I said I was. My dad had stayed to hang out with me for a little while, but he had work to attend to back home. After ensuring I was okay on my own, he left, too.
My house was eerily quiet. It had been just me for so long, but I’d become used to Parker in my space. I liked his presence. I liked feeling like I wasn’t alone.
I wasn’t alone, technically. Bruno was standing guard just outside the door to my condo. Someone was always there, even if they weren’t actually inside my place.
I really was fine. I was handling things better than I could’ve expected.
I’d heated a can of soup for dinner. I washed out my bowl. I wiped down the kitchen counters. I checked through the food in the fridge for expiration dates.
I was about to mop the floors when I realized that I was wasting time.
Sure, my house needed to be cleaned, but more importantly, my vows needed to be written. I just had no idea where to start.
I needed music.
It was perhaps the first time in my life that I actually felt the need for music. I’d never fit the mold of a rock star’s daughter—or, for that matter, a rock star’s girlfriend and eventual wife. I’d never needed music. But suddenly, I did.
I clicked the music app on my phone. I scrolled through my collection, looking for the exact right song to inspire me. I saw Flashing Light and thought that their album could work, but I needed Parker’s voice out of my head for the project of writing my vows. It would only distract me.
I needed something neutral, something that didn’t make me think of anything or anybody in particular but had a beat that could get my mind working.
It was when I got to “N” in my music library that everything changed.
Every time I heard Nirvana, I thought of Damien.
Every time I passed Nirvana merchandise in the store, I thought of Damien.
And as I came across the letter “N” in my music library and saw their most famous album title staring me in the face, I was frankly shocked that I hadn’t decoded Damien’s message earlier.
It was so simple.
Nevermind.
The album that featured songs like “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Come as You Are.”
I ran to the bedroom and pulled Damien’s letter out of the top drawer of my dresser.
I reread the final paragraph, even though I’d read it enough times that I had it memorized.
Something in the way you loved me will always remain in my heart. I’d tell you to come as you are, but it’s probably better if you stay away.
“Something in the Way,” “Come as You Are,” and “Stay Away” were all songs on Nirvana’s Nevermind album.
It had been a Sunday when I’d first received the letter, and now it was a Thursday. It had taken me more than four days to stumble on the answer that had literally been right in front of me the entire time.
But what message was he trying to send me?
And why hadn’t my father or my fiancé, both musicians, figured this out before I had?
I heard my favorite Black Shadow song coming from the kitchen. It was the ring tone indicating that my dad was calling me.
I ran from my bedroom to the kitchen and got to the phone just before it went to voicemail. “Dad?” I answered breathlessly.