Life wasn’t just unfair. It was cold and cruel.
It should have been the happiest day of my life. I still wanted to pledge my life to Parker’s. I didn’t think it was possible to want to marry him more, but I did. He was my steady rock. He understood everything I needed and selflessly gave it to me.
I could wish our day had gone off without a hitch until I was blue in the face. It wouldn’t change a goddamn thing.
Even amidst the fear and panic, just having him near me was helping me keep my sanity.
Parker finally broke the silence.
“Babe, come sit.”
I shook my head and kept walking.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
I stopped midstride. I turned to face him. “He was aiming for me,” I whispered.
Parker was on his feet and in front of me in two strides. He took my chin in his hand and forced my eyes up to meet his. “This isn’t your fault.”
I never said I thought it was, but Parker could just tell. That’s how it was with us. That’s how it would always be.
I shook my head free of the grasp he held on my chin. “Yes, it is. You can’t convince me otherwise. That bullet was meant for me. My dad dove in the way and literally took a bullet for me.” Saying it out loud for the first time caused a violent rush of fear searing through me. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to voice my thoughts through my tears. “Goddammit, the idiot took a fucking bullet for me.”
Parker held me in his arms, held me tighter than he’d ever held me. I felt the breath squeezing out of me, but I needed it. I needed him. I needed his arms to hold me up, because I was sure I’d fall without them.
We had to have been sitting in that room alone for an hour. Maybe more. I lost track of time.
The door finally opened. Both my head and Parker’s swung toward it.
Jadyn walked in, her face pale and her eyes wide. Her beautiful lavender dress had blood all over it.
I left the comfort of Parker’s arms to give Jadyn a hug. It was the first time we’d ever hugged. Ever. I didn’t even hug her when she had married my dad.
“How is he?” I asked, my voice small as tears continued to stream down my face.
“He’s okay, Roxy. They treated him for shock and then took him into surgery.”
I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
She continued, “I guess they don’t always remove bullets, but this one is lodged in his shoulder and is resting near a nerve. They need to get the bullet out to protect the nerve. The good news is that if he’d been hit a few centimeters either way, the damage could have been much, much worse. Fatal, even.”
I felt the “but” coming. “And the bad news?”
“Well, potentially bad. It all depends on his recovery.” She took a deep breath, and when she spoke again, I could hear the pain that she felt because she loved my dad so deeply. “The doctors aren’t sure if he’ll be able to play guitar again.”
thirty-three
I had no words.
Nothing I could say could make any of this better.
What if my dad couldn’t play guitar again?
It was his life. It was his first love. And it would be because of me if it was all taken from him.
The surgery was short, under an hour, and it was another hour before my dad’s room was ready. He was in recovery, but visitors were strictly prohibited back there, wives included.
In the meantime, my mother had arrived, and so had Kimmy, Mikey, Carlos, and Johnny. George came back in, too, with a change of clothes for Jadyn, Parker, and myself.
The nine of us sat in the tiny waiting room. Silence descended on us. No one knew what to say. Jadyn told the story each time someone new arrived, and since there was literally nothing else to do—I didn’t even have my phone to play Trivia Crack or Words with Friends against Parker—I observed.
I watched Jadyn talk to my mom. I watched my drama queen mother fall apart as Jadyn picked her back up and put her back together.
Kimmy was a bright relief for Parker, who was suffering in his own way after seeing the man he considered a hero and a father lying shot on the floor. I was of no comfort to him since he was working so hard to comfort me.
Jadyn told the members of Black Shadow that Gideon Price might not be able to play guitar again. I saw the anxiety turn to fear as all three grown men looked like lost little boys, unsure of their future. She hugged each of them, and I saw a nurturing, caring woman emerge from the façade she’d hidden behind.
I finally saw who she really was inside. For the first time, I saw the woman my dad had fallen in love with.
I’d judged her often and I’d judged her ruthlessly. She hadn’t deserved it. In times of tragedy and times of panic, people’s true colors always shine through. Jadyn responded with love for my father and everyone he loved. She showed me who she really was. Whatever I thought of her before didn’t matter. Clearly I had judged a situation I didn’t know anything about. Going forward, I knew who she was. My dad didn’t need my approval, but he had it.
“Does he know?” Mikey asked.
She nodded. “The doctor informed him of all of the risks before the surgery. If he decided not to get the bullet removed, he’d be even less likely to play again.”
We all absorbed that information in a silence that stretched across all of us. A nurse entered the room, finally breaking the tension. She informed us that visitors were limited to four at a time, but my dad was in a room resting comfortably and we could go back to see him.
We decided that Jadyn would go in first with George, Parker, and me.
A police officer was sitting outside of his room. He looked up at the four of us before we entered, nodding his approval.
I stared at the man who was always such a picture of strength to me. He looked weak and pale in a hospital bed. He was under some blankets, but his abdomen and chest weren’t covered. A large gauzy bandage stretched from just above his left nipple toward his left shoulder.
Machines beeped behind him displaying his heart rate. An IV ran from his forearm to some liquid in a bag hanging next to the bed.
“I think he’s still asleep,” Jadyn whispered.
I trembled next to Parker, and I felt his hand tighten over mine.
We all turned to leave so my dad could have some peace when we heard his voice. It was soft and scratchy, but it was him. “I’m awake.”
Jadyn turned around and ran to his side, taking his right hand in hers. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, and he reached up with his good hand to gently stroke her face with the back of his knuckles. “I love you,” he murmured, and she leaned down to kiss his lips. He grabbed the back of her head and gave her a lingering kiss. I looked toward Parker, smiling in embarrassment at the man who should have been my husband by that point.
Jadyn pulled back and whispered something to my dad that I didn’t catch, but it was their moment. His wife needed a moment with her husband.
“Someone else is here to see you,” she said, nodding over to me with a smile.
Parker let go of my hand and I walked to my dad. Jadyn moved over to allow me some space.
“How are you feeling?” I smiled down at him and took his hand in mind.
His hand was freezing. For the first time, I noticed the how cold the room was.
“Okay,” he said, his voice honest. “I’ve been better.”
“Why did you jump in front of me?” I asked, tears filling my eyes.
He stared up at me for a moment, and I bent closer to him as my tears spilled over. He brushed one away, comforting me even while he was the one relegated to a hospital bed. When he spoke, his statement was simple but clear. “Because I’d rather be holding your hand from this bed than standing where you are.”
In his mind, I supposed he thought that jumping in front of a speeding bullet and taking that impact would hurt far less than watching his daughter take the bullet.