“Let’s wait,” I said at the exact same time that Parker said, “Let’s do it.”
My eyes met his.
“Baby, I know this isn’t how we envisioned it. But we picked today, and I want to marry you today.”
“I want to marry you today, too, Parker. But I don’t want to get married in a hospital. It’s not even that I didn’t envision it this way, although I certainly didn’t. It’s that I want to get married in a place that’s special to me, not in a place where I paced in fear for three hours. I want to get married in the oasis of my dad’s backyard, not in a room with machines beeping around me and nurses watching from the hallway.”
Parker looked disappointed, but he nodded in understanding.
“When do you get out?” I asked my dad.
“Depends. Could be as early as tomorrow, or they might keep me a few days.”
I looked back to Parker. “Let’s just wait. We’ll do it the day after he comes home. Whenever it is. Okay?”
He nodded. “Of course, Jimi. Whatever you want. You know that.”
“This is what I want.” My voice was vehement. As much as I wanted Parker to be my husband, I was certain that I didn’t want our union to begin in a place that represented so much fear. I wanted a place that represented home and love and warmth, just like Parker did to me.
thirty-four
My dad was released three days later, on a Tuesday morning. We didn’t need to rehearse again because we’d already done it once.
Instead of his office this time, we stood in the kitchen moments before it was time for me to walk down the aisle. I looked out the French doors toward the backyard. I could see Parker standing under the arbor. He was fidgeting. I smiled, and as I studied his face from inside the house, I could see his nerves. It surprised me given that he was the one pushing for a hospital wedding.
I felt a sense of calming tranquility wash over me. I knew that this was absolutely right.
In the days my dad was in the hospital, I spent time in the mornings replacing everything we needed replaced—like a wedding dress and tuxedoes—and the rest of the day I was at the hospital.
Jadyn and I spent a lot of time together. She really was a kind soul, and I apologized profusely for my pre-judgment of her. She apologized for her role in creating the kind of step-monster she’d been.
Parker sat in a chair immediately next to my dad’s bed while they watched sports together. Jadyn and I sat in the back of the room talking about wedding details as we belatedly started to get to know each other.
Suddenly she was an actual friend.
And now I stood in a different wedding dress that was even more dreamlike than the first ready to marry the man of my dreams.
For real this time.
The white charmeuse fabric with lace overlay was the exact vintage look I wanted. It was a looser mermaid style v-neck with a drop v-back. Nude-colored material stretched across the v-back to cover my tattoos. It was gorgeous and even more perfect than the first one had been. Plus this one came without the blood.
Dusk was upon us as the sun had nearly completely set behind the arbor. The remaining light of the sun lit up a handful of wispy clouds in a beautiful pink, gold, and orange symphony of color.
It was time.
My dad stood on my left side so that I could hold his right arm as he walked me down the aisle. His arm was in a sling, just like the doctor had said. He walked slowly, still in a pretty good measure of pain. It would still be a couple of weeks until he was healed enough to start his schedule of therapy.
I glanced out over the small crowd of people gathered.
I looked to my side first. It was all people who I loved.
Jadyn sat next to my mom, holding her hand. Unlikely friends, two women who had bonded over their shared concern for my dad.
Tim and Virginia held hands a row behind my mom and step-mom. Barry sat beside them with his wife. I briefly wondered who was manning the store if all of the big players were attending my wedding. If it was my store, I’d make sure someone I trusted was there at all times.
Mikey, Carlos, and Johnny were all there, each with their significant others. Tears pooled in my eyes when I spotted Fern. Katie’s mom. She’d made it for my day.
Keith and Vanessa rounded out the bunch.
On Parker’s side, I saw Vinnie and Garrett. I spotted a couple of the guys from Pure Adrenaline. There were a few other guys who I recognized from the Flashing Light crew from the tour.
And that was it. We had maybe twenty-five wedding guests in all.
It was perfect.
Fitz stood beside Parker, and I watched the best man as Kimmy walked down the aisle.
Kimmy, who had extended her stay after everything that had happened, walked down the aisle in front of me, and then I heard the strains of music change to the song I’d chosen to walk down the aisle to. It was a soft rendition of Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s mash-up of “Somewhere over the Rainbow” and “What a Wonderful World.” Our music was just an acoustic guitar, and the sound echoing through my dad’s backyard was simple and magical.
I looked over to my dad. “This is it.”
He grinned. “I want you to know, CC, that I’m not giving you away today. I could never do that. What I’m doing today is telling you, Parker, and the world that I trust him to take care of you for the rest of your life. If I can’t be there to take a bullet for you, I expect him to do it. And I know he would. I couldn’t have chosen better for you, and I’ll be proud to call him my son-in-law.”
I hugged my dad as gently as I could. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, CC.”
“You really are the best dad in the entire world.”
He grinned. I took his arm and together we headed down the aisle toward my future.
thirty-five
Over the past week or so, I’d done a lot of crying. More than my fair share. But one more thing made me cry: Parker’s vows.
As George performed our ceremony and I listened to him talk about knowing me since before I’d even hit my teenage years, I didn’t cry.
When my dad stood to read a poem that he’d written specifically for our wedding day, I didn’t cry.
But when Parker vowed to love me and protect me for the rest of my life, silent tears streamed down my cheeks.
“Roxanna—Jimi—my vows are simple. I vow to love you forever. I vow to honor you. I vow to cherish you. I vow to protect you. I vow to be worthy of your love in return.” And then he quoted lyrics from the song he’d written for me. “You already know that you’re my forever, and now I know I never want to be without my forever.”
It was the simplicity of his vows, the traditional vows of love, honor, and cherish, that struck me. I knew he’d keep me safe, and I knew he’d make good on every promise he made on our wedding day.
My turn came next. I’d never figured out what the hell to write, so I just started speaking from the heart.
“Parker, when we first met, I was so selfishly focused on my own emotionless existence that I couldn’t even see what was right in front of me. I told myself I didn’t want to be with a musician. But you made me feel again. For that, I’ll be forever grateful to you. I vow to make you feel, too. I can’t promise that some of those feelings won’t be negative at some point, but I vow to work together with you to overcome that. I vow never to work against you. I vow to always be on Team James. I vow to celebrate our successes and pick us up in our disappointments. I vow that today our families become one. Above all, I vow to love, honor, cherish, and protect you forever.”
I saw Parker’s eyes shine with emotion at my words. I hadn’t been able to plan them, but when I needed the words, somehow they came to me.
We danced our first dance to “Without You” by Motley Crue, played by Flashing Light and sung by Gideon Price. Even though I secretly considered “Sex Type Thing” by Stone Temple Pilots to be our song, it didn’t seem appropriate to have a song about sex be the first one we danced to as a married couple.