As Brian emerged back out into the sunshine, he stopped for a moment to eye the gleaming black Maybach sedan again. Seeing as the luxury car was owned by someone involved with healthcare, it seemed immoral at best.
Chapter 16
August 31
In a kind of trance, Brian headed home totally unaware of his surroundings. The impulsive, histrionic display in Kelley’s office was so contrary to his usual style of careful planning and goal-oriented behavior. He knew that there was no way the episode could help rectify the situation in which he now found himself trapped. To make matters worse, calling Charles Kelley a new age robber baron was probably kowtowing to the man’s monumental ego.
Turning onto Park Terrace East and starting up the hill, Brian slowed his pace and then stopped. In the middle of his brooding, he realized what had really propelled him into Kelley’s office: It had been a way to avoid facing Juliette, Aimée, and Hannah or even thinking about telling them the horrible news. In many ways he was unconsciously denying Emma’s death, and the act of telling the others, including Camila, would shatter that tenuous denial.
“Maybe they already called the hospital,” Brian wondered out loud, but he knew that was wishful thinking. The burden of the truth was most likely squarely on him. What he feared the most was telling Juliette. He couldn’t even imagine what her reaction was going to be.
Taking a deep breath, Brian recommenced walking. He knew he was not as adept in the psychological arena as he was in the action realm, so for the next few minutes he tried not to think at all.
From the moment Brian entered the house he could tell that the news had not preceded him. He could hear the songful cartoon soundtrack of Pinkalicious & Peterrific coming from the kitchen, and Aimée and Hannah were in the living room quietly talking. Both adults immediately appeared in the foyer’s archway as Brian removed his mask and shoes.
“How is Emma?” Aimée asked warily. Hannah was standing next to her, but slightly behind, with a look of agonizing worry on her face.
Once again Brian choked up as he had with Liam Byrne. It took him a minute to pull himself together. By then both women knew what was coming. “Emma didn’t make it,” Brian finally managed with difficulty.
Hannah let out a high-pitched but thankfully short-lived wail as her face contorted into an expression of horror. In contrast, Aimée responded by putting her arms around Brian and hugging him tightly. “I can’t imagine what you are feeling. I’m so, so sorry, mon fils.”
“Thank you,” Brian choked. While Aimée held on to him, with a halting voice he recounted the details of what had happened. It was difficult to repeat, but he thought they deserved to know.
Finally, Aimée let go of Brian and exchanged a quick glance with Hannah, who had quieted down. “We have to tell Juliette,” Aimée said, keeping her emotions in check.
Hannah nodded several times, wiping tears from her face. “Yes, that’s the first thing that needs to be done, no question, and it should be Brian who does it.”
“Bien sûr,” Aimée added. “I agree completely.”
“And a wake has to be planned and notices sent out,” Hannah said. “There is a lot to do.”
“I don’t want a wake,” Brian blurted. He was shocked that such a suggestion was Hannah’s first reaction, but he knew he shouldn’t have been. He was well aware that Hannah’s method of dealing with any crisis was to suppress emotion with activity and planning. Emma had pointed it out on multiple occasions.
“But there has to be a wake!” Hannah countered in a manner that brooked no argument. “It’s expected!” She was equally shocked at Brian’s response, which was a sharp break from recognized and revered Irish tradition.
“Not here,” Brian pleaded. “Not around Juliette. And I have to think about what I can afford. Plus, these are not normal times.” As he spoke Brian realized he had no idea what Emma would have wanted. Despite the dangers they’d confronted as NYPD ESU officers, they’d never spoken with each other about their deaths and what their preferences might be.
“Well, there has to be a wake and a funeral mass even if it is limited because of the pandemic. And we can help with the expenses.”
“Not here,” Brian repeated, but realized this spur-of-the-moment response might seem selfish to Hannah and her family. He and Emma, although they’d grown up with a strong Irish connection to the Catholic faith, had drifted away from it during college. Neither had made a complete apostasy, but both felt the church was too ritualistic and out of touch with the times. As a consequence, they had not kept up with all the obligations on a regular basis, like going to mass and attending confession.
“That’s fine,” Hannah said with resignation. To her credit, she recovered quickly. “We can have the wake at our house. I can also make all the arrangements for the funeral mass at the Church of the Good Shepherd. Meanwhile you two and Camila can concentrate on Juliette. Is there a funeral home involved yet?”
“I called Riverside on Broadway,” Brian said.
“A good choice,” Hannah said. “I’ve worked with them before. They are very professional.”
“That was my experience, too,” Aimée said. “They were particularly helpful with Conor’s funeral.”
“I remember,” Hannah recalled. “All right, I’m off. Good luck with Juliette.” Without waiting for a response, she bent down and slipped on her shoes. She then put on her mask. “Let’s be in touch,” she added before leaving.
“Wow,” Brian let out as he closed the front door behind Hannah. “She’s really motivated.”
“Hannah has been like that for as long as I’ve known her,” Aimée said. “It’s her defense mechanism. And I’m not surprised. After all, it is an Irish tradition with a death to channel emotion as much as possible into celebration rather than pure mourning. It’s a tradition I’ve come to appreciate, especially after your father’s passing.”
“Yes, I remember you saying as much.”
“Now it is time for the difficult part,” Aimée said. “Are you ready to face your daughter?”
“Hardly,” Brian admitted, his heart squeezing in his chest. “Do you really think I can do this?”
“Absolutely,” Aimée reassured him. “It has to be you. Do you want a suggestion? I don’t want to interfere, but as your mother I do have some advice.”
“Please,” Brian said, desperate for any guidance.
“This would be a good time to take advantage of some of the consoling power of faith,” Aimée advised. “For the last year I’ve been taking Juliette to mass with me, which I’ve appreciated you and Emma allowing. She’s absorbed a lot. Although she mostly enjoys the dressing-up part, she has been responsive to discussions about beliefs, especially when we talked about heaven and Grandpa Conor. I think it is a way of making death seem not so final, particularly in a child’s mind.”
“Okay, I guess I can do that,” Brian said, thankful for any suggestions.
“I know you can,” Aimée said while giving Brian’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
Together, Brian and Aimée went into the kitchen. Juliette looked up at them briefly but then went back to watching her PBS cartoon. Brian motioned for Camila to step out into the hallway, while Aimée sat down with Juliette and watched TV.
Once out of the room, Brian told Camila the news about Emma.
“No, no!” Camila muffled her voice as she made the sign of the cross. “I’m so sorry, Brian.”