“Thank you. I’m still in a kind of denial about it all, but I have to tell Juliette, as hard as it will be. How has she been doing after seeing the seizure?”
“Not so good,” Camila said. “At first, I couldn’t get her to talk about it. Then, when she did, she didn’t say much and instead started complaining again about not feeling well.”
“How so?”
“First she says she’s not hungry and feels sick to her stomach,” Camila began. “She won’t eat anything no matter what I suggest. And she’s complaining again she has a headache. But it can’t be much of a headache because all she wants to do is watch TV, so I don’t know what it is. In general, she’s very cranky, which I suppose is entirely understandable.”
“Has she said anything at all about what she saw?”
“No, not a word,” Camila said. “And I didn’t know whether to bring it up. I mean, it upset me. It was so violent.”
“It’s very disturbing,” Brian agreed. “Especially the second time. All right, thank you. Either way, I have to tell her that her mother is gone and hope we can handle her reaction.”
Despite all the hostage-negotiating seminars and discussions he’d had during his ESU training, Brian now felt totally unequipped to deal with his own four-year-old daughter. Nonetheless, he walked back into the kitchen and sat at the breakfast nook table across from his mother and Juliette. Unsure how to begin, he first reached out, picked up the remote off the table, and turned off the TV.
Juliette reacted instantly and angrily, reaching for the remote, but Brian extended it beyond her reach. “I need to talk with you, Juliette,” he told her. “After that we can turn the TV back on.”
Juliette looked at her father with obvious anger as if she knew what was coming, yet Brian persisted, trying to think of the best way to take his mother’s suggestion. “Mommy was very sick, as you know,” he began, “and she wasn’t feeling better, but now she has gone to heaven and all her pain is gone. She’s with Grandpa Conor, and they are very happy being together.”
For a few seconds Brian closed his eyes, feeling monumentally unsuited for this discussion, saying things he didn’t quite believe himself. And for a brief moment he wondered if Heather Williams and Charles Kelley ever thought that their behavior led to horrible situations like these, ones that should never have to happen. When he opened his eyes, Juliette was still staring at him as if digesting what Brian had said. Taking a deep breath, he continued: “So, Mommy will not be coming home. But I want you to know that I am here for you, as are your grandmas and Camila. We are all here for you.”
Suddenly Juliette let out a tortured wail somewhat akin to Hannah’s, then scrambled out of her seat and leaped onto Brian’s lap. With her arms around his neck and her legs around his midsection, she hugged him tightly and buried her face in his shirt. He could feel her sob. Brian hugged her back and exchanged a helpless glance with Aimée. He didn’t know what to do or what else to say. But one thing he did know was that Juliette was his sole responsibility and his life’s work from that moment on.
As suddenly as Juliette had begun crying, she stopped and disengaged herself from Brian’s embrace. She regained her seat and spoke up for the first time: “When will Mommy come home from the hospital?”
“Honey, I told you she won’t be coming home,” Brian said. “She’s with Jesus and Grandpa in heaven.”
Instead of asking any more questions, Juliette lunged for the TV remote, and this time Brian let her have it. In the next instant the happy, melodious soundtrack of Pinkalicious & Peterrific filled the room, especially after Juliette raised the volume. Aimée stood up and tried to give Juliette a reassuring hug, but Juliette resisted, preferring to keep the TV in view.
“Your daddy is right.” Aimée spoke loud enough to be heard over the TV. “We’re all here for you, so you are safe even if your mommy had to go to heaven.”
Camila then followed suit and got the same lack of response from Juliette. The three adults exchanged a glance and a shrug, communicating that there apparently wasn’t anything else to do for the moment. Juliette had been told, even if she didn’t want to believe it for the time being.
For several minutes Brian just stood there leaning against the sink, looking at his daughter and mother, and thinking about his mother-in-law’s reaction while his mind flip-flopped between disjointed thoughts and emotions about Heather Williams, Charles Kelley, and Emma. Focusing on Emma, he found himself questioning if it could possibly be true that she was gone forever. Or equally as disturbing: Would she still be alive if he’d insisted somehow on her staying in the hospital? How responsible was he for having let it happen?
Brian felt a new wave of emotion well up inside of him, which he hardly thought would be appropriate to display in his daughter’s presence. Pushing away from the kitchen counter in hopes of having a moment alone, he left the room and headed for the home office. For the time being he’d let Aimée and Camila bear the burden of comforting Juliette.
Seated at the large partner’s desk positioned under a chandelier, Brian made it a point not to look across at Emma’s empty seat. Instead, he woke up his sleeping monitor to go over finances in a vain attempt to rein in his emotions. With Emma gone, he’d need to seriously think about the viability of Personal Protection LLC and whether it would survive now without her input and partnership. Then, with surprise, he found himself wondering if he should investigate the possibility of trying to reverse his retirement and get his old NYPD ESU job back. Under his current circumstances the idea of a guaranteed salary, decent health benefits, and pension plan had enormous appeal.
In the middle of such thinking, the business landline started to ring. Hoping it meant someone was in need of security, Brian snatched up the phone. To his dismay it wasn’t a prospective client, but rather a Premier Collections agent. With an irritatingly high-pitched voice, the individual launched into a rapid threatening tirade, saying that if Brian didn’t immediately offer an acceptable plan for paying off his $189,375.86 debt, his credit rating was going to be trashed, making it impossible for him to get a credit card, any kind of loan, or a mortgage.
In his hyperemotional state, Brian lost control, telling the caller to go fuck himself. He then slammed the phone down with such force it caused a portion of the handset to pop off. For a split second Brian scanned the desk’s surface for something else to destroy, but the urge quickly passed. Then the phone rang again. This time Brian didn’t answer it. Knowing what he did about collection agencies, he was aware that he was destined to be pestered relentlessly. It was the name of the game.
Letting the phone ring, he pulled up his online banking account and looked at the balances. Things were hardly looking rosy, especially with the thought of an upcoming funeral. He really had no idea what kind of money would be involved, and he wondered selfishly how much his in-laws, the O’Briens, might be willing to shoulder following Hannah’s offer. Unfortunately, he knew that he would soon be finding out answers to these questions. Finally, the phone stopped ringing, and except for the distant sounds of the PBS cartoon coming from the kitchen, the room returned to silence. The one thing the call did do was remind him that he was indeed being sued, meaning he needed to do something before his time limit to respond to the complaint ran out. The specter of losing the house loomed in the back of his mind. He could not let that happen for a number of reasons, chief of which was Juliette. Losing her mother was going to create a terrible insecurity, and losing her home on top and the familiarity of her room would just add immensely to the impact.