“Your cousins will be here shortly,” Hannah told Juliette as she reached out and patted the child on the back. “Are you hungry? We have cake coming out soon.”
Juliette didn’t answer but rather gripped his neck with more intensity.
“I think I’ll take her home,” Brian decided on the spot. “My sense is that it has been a bit difficult for her.”
“You should stay and have something to eat!” Hannah offered quickly. “We have a lot of food, including the cake I mentioned.”
“I’m really not hungry. Thank you for all your efforts on Emma’s behalf.”
“You are welcome,” Hannah said. “Will you be back? I’m sure there are lots of people who would like to offer you their condolences.”
“Possibly,” Brian answered, although he knew he didn’t mean it. He’d had enough as well. His consuming love of his wife was for her essence or soul, certainly not for her eviscerated, empty body. He could appreciate that such funeral rituals were helpful for some people and served a social function, but not for him and maybe not for Juliette as well. Recalling the phrase “dust to dust” and its meaning from his catechism instruction as a child, he was developing a new regard for the benefits of cremation.
“Okay,” Hannah said tensely. “Tomorrow the mass will be at ten at the Church of the Good Shepherd followed by the funeral. If you’d like to walk with us, you are more than welcome. We could come by and pick you up.”
“Thank you,” Brian said, not knowing how he felt about it. “I’ll let you know.”
Without putting Juliette down, he headed for the door. As he went, a number of people gestured toward him with their drinks as if making some kind of toast. He nodded in acknowledgment but didn’t stop. Outside, as he crossed the porch, descended the front steps, and then walked the length of the walkway, other people did the same, but thankfully no one tried to stop him. It wasn’t until they were on the street that Juliette indicated she wanted to be put down. After he had, he took her proffered hand, and they walked on in silence. At the halfway mark, he asked her if she was all right and if she was glad she’d said goodbye to her mother. When she didn’t respond, he worried anew whether it had been a mistake to bring her to the wake, although at least he was glad he’d given her the opportunity to decide and hadn’t forced her to go.
Sensing Juliette might have trouble coming to terms with the experience, Brian was glad that Jeanne had offered to help. He also found himself again wondering if the likes of Charles Kelley and Heather Williams had any conception of the real pain and consequences their selfish policies engendered in real families. It was enough to make him furious all over again.
Chapter 26
September 1
When Brian and Juliette came in through the front door, they were met by a concerned Camila.
“How did it go?” Camila asked. “You’re back much earlier than I expected.”
“Do you want to tell her?” Brian asked Juliette as they both took off their shoes and face masks. When she stayed silent, he added: “Juliette touched Mommy, and it upset her. Isn’t that right, Pumpkin?”
Juliette made a beeline for the stairs, apparently retreating to the sanctuary of her room.
Brian and Camila watched her go. “In retrospect, I don’t think her going to the wake was that great an idea,” he said when the child was out of hearing range. “It wasn’t a disaster, or at least I hope not, and it appeared she was doing reasonably well in her grandmother’s arms until she touched Emma’s face. I don’t know if it was her decision to do it or if Hannah encouraged her, or even if it is important. One way or the other, it freaked her out. I’m not surprised. I wouldn’t have wanted to do it myself. At any rate, I thought it best to bring her home right away.”
“Oh, dear,” Camila exclaimed, looking up the stairs. “I’ll go up and help her out of her fancy dress and get her into something more comfortable. Then I’ll see if she is hungry.”
“Thank you,” Brian said with a relieved sigh.
“What about you?” she questioned. “How are you holding up?”
“So-so,” Brian said, holding his hand out and tilting it from side to side. “I’m finding the funeral rituals hard to get through. I didn’t like them when my father died, and I like them even less in relation to Emma. For me, the grieving should be personal, not public.”
“Are you going to go back to the wake?” Camila asked. “If you are, I’ll keep Juliette occupied.”
“I don’t think so. I’ve also had enough public mourning for one day. I’ll be in the office. I need to make a call.”
Sitting at his desk, he found himself staring at Emma’s empty work station. The sudden acknowledgment that she was gone for good swept over him, bringing an overwhelming sense of loss along with it. Luckily the emotions abated almost as quickly as they had emerged when he thought of Juliette suffering upstairs in her room. Her immediate needs trumped any thoughts of indulging his own emotions, and he had to concentrate on helping her come to terms with losing her mother at the tender age of four.
Yet looking at Emma’s empty chair also reminded him of the thoughts he’d had yesterday about Personal Protection LLC and whether he wanted to continue building the company in such a difficult time. With that issue in mind, Brian put off calling Roger Dalton, which was who he’d intended to call, and instead rang Deputy Chief Michael Comstock, the commanding officer of the NYPD ESU. Fully expecting to have to leave his name and number and get a call back, Brian was pleasantly surprised when he found himself talking with his former commanding officer. Although the deputy chief had not been happy losing two very popular and talented officers when he and Emma had retired, he now sounded very happy to hear from Brian.
“How are you and Emma and how is your security company navigating the pandemic?” Michael asked.
“I’m afraid I have bad news on both fronts,” he said. “The company is doing very poorly at the moment. It might have been the worst possible time to start a security firm because of the pandemic. There’s been almost no work. But worse still, Emma passed away just yesterday from a virus.”
“Oh, no!” Michael said. “Oh, I’m so very sorry. That’s terrible news. Was it Covid-19?”
“No, it wasn’t,” Brian said with a catch in his voice. “It was eastern equine encephalitis.”
“Is that something like West Nile virus?”
“It’s similar,” Brian said. “It’s a different virus, but it is also spread by mosquitoes. We think she got it when we had a beach barbecue on Cape Cod.”
“Such a tragedy, such a loss! She was an exceptional woman. When are the services scheduled, so we can send a delegation, myself included?”
“Services and funeral are tomorrow. Thank you for your offer to attend, but due to the pandemic, it’s only going to involve immediate family.”
“Understood,” Michael said regretfully. “Well, you have my most sincere condolences to you and your whole family.”
“Thank you, sir. There is something else I want to discuss with you. With my wife gone, I’m questioning my interest in continuing with our struggling company, especially with the pandemic and no end in sight. What I wanted to inquire is whether you might look kindly on me reversing my retirement and rejoining the ESU.” Brian found himself superstitiously crossing his fingers, hoping for an affirmative reply even though he’d not yet completely given up on Personal Protection LLC.
“It depends on your level of commitment,” Michael began. “With your indirect question, it sounds to me as if you haven’t quite made up your mind, which is understandable since it’s so soon after your wife’s passing. Let me say this: With all your training, the city has a significant investment in you, and that’s definitely to your advantage. But to give you a second chance here at the ESU, I’d want to be convinced you are one-hundred-percent committed to returning before I give the green light. To be perfectly honest, both your and your wife’s sudden resignation had a negative effect on morale for a time since both of you were highly respected around here.”