“Oh, shut up!” she snapped. She charged to her bedroom and flung herself down among the plush pillows, sobbing.
Your mind is in turmoil, Seqiro remarked.
She let him have her feeling in an inchoate blast. Then, aware of his distress, she apologized. I’m sorry, Seqiro! It’s just that—oh, what will I do?
The horse pondered, using her intelligence and his objectivity. You are being polite to Ddwng, because you fear what he might otherwise do. Those watching you are under the impression that you like him. Perhaps Darius finds it similarly expedient to give others the impression that he likes his situation.
By screwing the pussy? she demanded, her image savage.
Yes. It would suggest that he was not acclimatizing, were he to spurn her.
Colene struggled with that. She did know the nature of men; they were always interested in sex, and took it when they got the chance. That night with the boys—she had represented Opportunity. She had had no illusions after that. Darius was a man, and he had treated her decently, and he said he loved her. But how was he with other women? He had not tried to hide that from her: he expected to marry some other woman, and have sex with her if she wanted it, and in his castle he had mistresses. In fact, as Seqiro had read in Darius’ mind in that brief time he was in the palace, he had found the perfect woman to marry, named Prima, who could greatly extend his ability to radiate joy to others. Prima was no love-match; she was twice Darius’ age. The only thing distinguishing Colene from those other women was the fact that he loved her.
Yes.
With a woman, sex and love were aspects of the same thing. That was why the abuse of sex was so horrible; it soiled love. But with a man they were in different ballparks. A man could love one woman and have sex with another. It was part of the basic misunderstanding between the sexes. She had learned the hard way. So Darius could love Colene and have sex with Pussy. She understood that with her mind.
Yes.
Why, then, couldn’t she understand it with her emotion?
You do understand it with your emotion, Seqiro thought. It merely requires time for the pain of that understanding to subside.
She did understand it. Her problem was in accepting it. When she walked carelessly and stubbed her toe and it hurt, she understood what had happened, but the pain remained. After a while the pain faded, and she made sure not to stub her toe there again.
Darius might not even want to dally with the cat-woman. But as Seqiro suggested, if he did not give the impression of going along with the system, he would not be trusted, and would never be given any real freedom.
In fact, she realized something else: if the very walls of Darius’ bedroom could become video screens when he didn’t want it, they must have that capacity anytime. Was it possible that they were always tuning in on him, wherever he was? The four of them—Darius, the old woman Provos, Seqiro, and herself—were strangers here, and there was something Ddwng wanted from them. Why wouldn’t he watch them closely? If he had thrown them in dark prison cells he wouldn’t have had to watch. But not only did he keep them in excellent style, he had given Darius a significant mission to perform.
Because Darius can show him where the Chip is.
Yes. In order to get that Chip, Ddwng would have to trust himself to the Virtual Mode, where Darius could dump him in a deep hole in some barren reality and let him die. If Ddwng had to trust Darius, he wanted to know him well. So it figured that Darius would be watched closely, and all his actions judged. If Darius had caught on to that, he would play the role, because the alternative might be much worse than being a ship captain.
You are forgiving him.
She was forgiving him. Or at least finding reason not to blame him, which wasn’t exactly the same thing. There was a hard core of rancor that remained, but she was good at burying such things. She was capable of accepting what had to be accepted, and moving on.
Meanwhile she had a date with Ddwng for another meal. It was time for Mare to get her ready for it.
Ddwng was the root of her problem. He was the one who kept her apart from Darius, and put him in the position of having to hold women other than Colene in his arms. If her core of anger needed a focus, that was where it should orient.
Seqiro, link with me when I’m with the Emperor. I want to know what’s truly on his mind.
The horse was doubtful. I have not been able to penetrate any mind in this reality.
But Seqiro couldn’t get into any untame mind in his own reality without that person’s permission. This might merely be a more extreme case of that. I will try to open his mind.
Then she summoned Mare. “Let’s see what you can do when you go all out,” she told the Equine. “Make me into a princess. That is your service today.”
Mare smiled. This was a challenge she was ready to tackle. She swung into a program that demonstrated more competence than Colene had realized existed.
Soon she was clean and garbed in a scintillating pale green dress which made her look twice as good as she could ever be. She had never thought of herself as voluptuous, but in this outfit she was long-legged, sleek-hipped, narrow-waisted, and with a décolletage that could have come from a classic painting. Her face and hair were angelic; special reflective pins even gave the impression of a halo.
Colene stared at herself in the mirror. She would not have believed that she could be this adorable! It was said that clothes made the man, but men were pretty dull physically, regardless. It was the woman that clothes made. She was the living proof of it.
Too bad she had to waste this on Ddwng. She would much rather have wowed Darius. But it was in her mind that the Emperor did have some reason for this frequent interaction with her, and it probably wasn’t sexual, so it was suspicious. If she could manage to dazzle him just a little, to get him closely focused while Seqiro was tuning in, maybe, just maybe, there would be an avenue to get Seqiro into his mind. It was certainly worth a good try.
Stallion guided her to the shuttle. Here in the palace the windows to other cities or ships or worlds weren’t used; it was more physical. Maybe because such windows represented accesses to the palace, and it was supposed to be secure from intrusion. The shuttle was nice enough; it was like an enclosed amusement park ride, gently wafting to its destination. Stallion maneuvered it to Ddwng’s dining hall, let her out, and took it back; private personal nulls were not welcome in the hall itself. Only the palace nulls.
Ddwng was there, resplendent in a purple robe which complemented her dress perfectly. A little alarm sounded somewhere in her head: coincidence? No, probably he had known what she was wearing—because probably those walls had eyes here, just as on the FTL Flay, and he had access to those eyes. This could be confirmation of her prior suspicion that they were all being watched.
But no one here could see what was in their minds. Seqiro had ascertained that. So if she never voiced her true feelings, they could be known only through her actions—and she was pretty good at masking feelings.
She took the Emperor’s elbow and walked with him to the table. The Ovine nulls were there. Ram placed Ddwng’s chair, Ewe placed Colene’s, and Sheep stood by for their order.
Colene hardly noticed the excellent exotic food. She was genuinely interested in Ddwng this time, but not in as flattering a way as he might suppose. She wanted to tune his mind to things which Seqiro might read. She hoped that if the subject were narrow enough, and the interest strong enough, and she were close enough, serving as a focusing point, it just might work. It had to work, because it just wasn’t safe to be ignorant.