“Oh, you don’t have to be. You’ve got it all… You and your father before you, and his father before him have made the place what it is. We do our best here at Grasslands, but my husband died…” She sighed. “That was my second… My first… Andrew… God bless him… passed away years ago.”
I glanced at David, suggesting with my look that we curtail this visit as quickly as we could. I was faintly irritated with Harry for forcing it on us, and I was wondering all the time what Jonathan was saying to Millicent on their way back.
Harry was still talking attentively to Evie. I heard him say: “Shall you be at Eversleigh tomorrow?”
“Oh yes, we’re invited.”
“I’m glad,” said Harry. “So glad.”
At last we were able to escape. I gasped with relief as we came out to the road. Mrs. Trent, with a grand-daughter on either side of her, had waved us goodbye, or au revoir as she insisted on saying.
It was Harry who had excited her. His interest in Evie had been blatant.
When I was alone with David in our bedroom, I commented on it.
“I think Mrs. Trent is getting ideas. Of course Harry is a very good match. I am sure she is already making plans to bring Evie and him together.”
“You can’t blame her. She’s got those two girls and I should imagine there is not a great deal she can do for them at Grasslands.”
“I have an idea that Evalina Trent will always try to get the best of all that comes her way.”
“Well, my love, isn’t that what we all try to do?”
“David,” I said, “you are a very nice man.”
“Oh, have you just discovered it?”
“I’ve always known it, but sometimes it strikes me more forcibly than others. You always see the best in people. I don’t believe you would see evil if it were right under your nose.”
“I expect I’d smell it out,” he said.
I threw myself at him and held him tightly. I was saying to myself: I must never hurt him. I must never again be alone with Jonathan… David must never know… It would hurt him too much.
I prayed then—a strange thing to do with all my sins upon me. I prayed for the strength I should need to live with this evil I had created.
When I returned to the house I found my mother busy in her private sanctum. She called to me.
“The carol singers will be round in the evening,” she said. “We shall have to bring them in and give them hot punch and cakes. That will be enough for tonight and we’ll hope to retire early in readiness for tomorrow. We shall eat in the hall tomorrow of course and while things are being cleared away for the dancing, I thought we’d have a treasure hunt. That always goes down well and the house lends itself to it so admirably. Another thing, there’ll be a moon and therefore enough light for them to see where they are going when they prowl about the house. I never liked lighted candles all over the place.”
I said: “That’s a good idea, Maman. Do you want me to help you with the clues?”
“No, Dickon and I will do them. If you help you won’t be able to join in.”
I said: “We went to Grasslands.”
“Oh, did you?”
“We couldn’t get out of it. It was Harry Farringdon’s fault. He wanted to go after he had seen Evie.”
My mother laughed. “So he took a fancy to her.”
“It was rather obvious. Mrs. Trent was very pleased.”
“Oh dear, I hope she wasn’t too obvious.”
“She always is… rather.”
“Poor old Evalina Trent! My mother disliked her intensely. I think something happened in the past. I have a feeling that she could be rather a dangerous woman.”
“I feel that too. However, she does care for those grand-daughters.”
“It’s poor little Dolly I’m sorry for.”
“Evie seems fond of her, and of course the poor girl dotes on Evie.”
“It’s sad to be born like that. Let’s hope something comes of Harry’s interest.”
“What would John and Gwen Farringdon think of the Grasslands family? Dickon said Harry was a very good match.”
“They’d look higher than Mrs. Trent’s grand-daughter, but if Harry wanted it… Well, I reckon he’s a young man who would have his way. But aren’t we being a little premature?”
We laughed. “It’s a good thing no one can hear us,” I said. “Anyway, I hope things work out well for Evie.”
“So do I,” said my mother. “Dancing will be just right after the treasure hunt and that can take up the rest of the evening. I’ve arranged for the music. The musicians can have something to eat while the treasure hunt is in progress. That will keep them going through the evening.”
I kissed her lightly and said: “You think of everything.”
Evening came. We were in the dining room and were just finishing the meal when the carol singers arrived. It was very picturesque with their lanterns bobbing about outside the windows and after the first rendering Dickon and my mother opened the door and they all trooped into the hall. There they sang for us and we applauded and joined in with the carols. The big punch bowl was brought in and the drink was ladled into goblets which the ladies of the household handed round with the pies and cakes which had been baked for the occasion.
Then we went to the punch room and talked of Christmases of the past, and my mother described Christmas in France, which was celebrated more on Christmas Eve than on the day itself. There was midnight Mass, and slippers by the fire into which gifts were placed.
Christmas Day came. I awoke with that heavy sense of guilt which was almost always with me nowadays and as I lay in bed I thought of last Christmas Day when I had been an innocent, lighthearted girl.
“It must end,” I said for the hundredth time.
We went to the little church in the village of Eversleigh for the morning service. With the unpredictability of our climate the weather had changed again and there was the faintest touch of frost in the air. After the service we walked home across the fields, and Jonathan suddenly started to sing a carol in which we all joined. He came and took my arm; on his other side was Millicent Pettigrew and her arm was slipped through his. He pressed mine against him and all my weakness returned. Momentarily I was happy because I was close to him.
I did not see him again that day until it was time to greet the arriving guests. My mother said that now I was a married woman I should take my stand with her to welcome them.
The Dollands arrived first, on foot of course, having come just from the manager’s house. Emily wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help.
“You may be pressed into service later,” said my mother, “but I think everything is under control just now.”
My mother looked very beautiful in a peacock-blue velvet gown which accentuated the blue of her eyes. There was a radiance about her. I thought: She at least is happy. Yet, when I paused to think of it I realized that she had had to go through many trials before she reached that contentment. Perhaps that was the fate of everyone and I was just embarking on my troubles. Troubles are always harder to bear when they are of one’s own making. It must be a comfort to have someone to blame… even if it was only Fate. That was denied me. I had not been forced into this situation. I had perhaps allowed myself to be led. But what effort had I made to escape it? Very little. I had gone willingly, and in my heart I knew I should do so again.
My dress was cherry-coloured. It was one of David’s favourites and I had worn it for that reason. I had a passionate desire to please him all I could, because I was treating him so badly…
The Trents arrived. Evie, in a gown of blue silk and lace, looked quite beautiful, Dolly was in blue also—painfully thin and gauche. I wondered if she might hide her deformity by wearing a patch over her eye. Some patches could be quite ornamental. I remembered a picture I had seen of the Princess of Eboli who had lost an eye. She looked most decorative… mysterious and exciting with her patch.