Nim thought about it a moment. “The shades of gray he dabbled in were all rather black, weren’t they?”
“Liam would’ve sold her off, to recoup what money he could, but the market tanked. And then I lost my arm.”
She breathed out a sardonic “ah.” “Right. Forget about your hand. Look at the pretty boat.”
Jonah’s lips quirked. “The excuse was the league needed someone to ferry haints out of the city. Spending those hours with the soulless corpses reminded me there are worse fates than mutilation and death.”
“That’s it. Look at the bright side.” She tipped her head to the side, studying him. “And I’m guessing you liked being alone.”
Silent a moment, he speared a ring of pineapple on his fork. “After Carine died, I worked a steamship up and down the western coast to earn passage home. The sailors asked about as many questions as the haints, and only slightly fewer than the league, which picked me up within a day of my feet hitting dry land.”
“So that was how it started.”
“And ended.” He ate the pineapple, then stabbed another ring and handed it to her. “All that time in the jungle, then on the water, with tenebrae few and far between, kept me from being overwhelmed with the teshuva’s energy early in my possession. The league set me on my new course. Liam sent me back to the water after I lost my weapon hand, with the teshuva misaligned.”
She took a bite out of the pineapple. “And then I made it worse.”
He reached across the space between them and wrapped his fingers behind her neck, his gaze fierce. “Remember when I said I wanted you? When I was alone, I prayed for you—the notion of you—even though I don’t believe anymore. I dreamed of you, even when I was afraid to sleep.”
She stared at him, the sweet, sharp tang of the fruit stinging in her throat. Then she kissed him.
Before she could do more, he pulled back. From the lunch tray, he lifted the Swiss Army knife he’d used to open the tins. He poked through the tools and extracted the snips.
He handed her the knife and laid his hand in her lap. “Cut off the ring.”
She’d taken jewelry from men before—once or twice when they hadn’t even offered it—but watching his thumb worry a circle over the worn gold, the burn in her throat turned to acid. “Why?”
He met her gaze, the eyes so intense she thought his demon was rising, but the blue never phased to violet. “I didn’t decide against throwing you overboard just because you’d sleep with me. If we’re together, truly, we should do it right.”
“Right” as in “good”? She bit her lip. “Oh.” And what happened when the lust faded and he remembered, beyond the last shadow of a doubt, that she wasn’t good at all?
“I’d cut it off myself, but . . .” He scuffed the stump of his missing hand against his thigh.
She lifted his hand. “Your fingers are still swollen from the break. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Nim, I want you to—”
She swept the remains of their meal aside and kissed him again.
This, at least, she knew he wanted.
This, at least, she could give him.
They made love as if they had all the time in the world and no place else to be. Which was pretty much a lie, but the kind that didn’t hurt anyone. The sun hovered on the points of distant skyscrapers for the longest time. She made Jonah dance, a naked waltz in the open bow. He pulled her into his arms, and finally, the sun, red as a malice eye, slid behind the city, just as he released himself into her one more time.
She fell back panting. When a cool breeze took the edge from their passion, he pulled the wrinkled oxford over them. “Good thing the teshuva heal us quickly, or you’d be sunburned in interesting places.”
She touched his cheek. “Speaking of quickly, we have to go back.”
“I know. We have to get your anklet.”
“And check on Mobi. He’ll have digested his rat by now and wonder where I am.”
He kissed her temple. “Save the city from djinni evil. Cuddle snake. Whichever.”
“I have a plan for getting the anklet.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Were you planning to tell me about this plan?”
“I’m telling you now,” she pointed out. “I thought there should be some mystery. I am a lure, after all.”
His other eyebrow rose. “You don’t have to be a mystery to me.”
It was one thing to be naked and open, but did she want him looking deeper than that? “Right.” She eased away from him, avoiding his hand where the gold band gleamed like an unwavering eye.
He pushed up onto his elbow. “We’re in this together, remember? Until we get it right, you said. Already we have a better grasp on how your luring works. And how to stop it.”
A chill wormed under her skin. “Is that why you fuck me? Easier to get a grasp?”
“Nim.” He reached for her, but she dodged him.
“Well, that is teamwork. I turn you on. You turn me off.”
He drew back. Just as she’d intended. “What are you trying so hard to avoid?”
“Guys who don’t listen when I say don’t touch.” Inside, she cringed. Could she blame the demon for the lies coming out her mouth?
Jonah shook his head. “I’m not the next-door neighbor who raped you, Nim, and I’m not the men who paid for you.”
“No, you’re worse. They just wanted flesh. Now you want all of me. Like the tenebrae.”
“They want your hurt and sadness. That’s how the lure draws them to you. I want to give you something else.”
Like what? The question churned in her throat.
When she didn’t speak, his face stilled, and she realized he wouldn’t tell her unless she asked, unless she met him halfway. But there was a reason she’d learned to stand on the stage, out of reach. That way, no one got hurt.
And for once, she wasn’t even thinking of herself.
CHAPTER 19
As Jonah throttled the boat up to speed, his gaze lingered on Nim, sprawled on the prow.
This far out, there was nothing to hit, so he let himself brood over the view in the lingering light. Her hand washed tank top clung to her breasts, and a spare pair of his shorts rode low on her hips. As if she felt the weight of his stare, she pointed her nose upward.
She was still upset.
She’d stomped away, as far as one could stomp on a small boat, without letting him speak. Don’t touch. Don’t speak. Now she didn’t even want him to look. As mad as she was, she had her teshuva under wraps. Along with the clothes she’d yanked on. He shook his head. He just didn’t understand her. Sometimes he angered her and she put clothes on; sometimes it went the other way.
He liked the other way more.
He would’ve thought she’d be amused that they’d been able to restrain her teshuva’s lure with such a simple and satisfying distraction. As he’d pointed out to her, “The teshuva might be repentant, but they are still creatures born of sin.”
“So, of course, fucking me was even better than a gag,” she finished.
That was when they’d stopped talking.
A dozen boats circled the marina, so he was too busy to talk, anyway, even when the engine noise was reduced enough to not require screaming. He didn’t want to encourage screaming. When he edged up to the empty berth, Nim jumped out before he could say a word.
He couldn’t leave the boat drifting so he could run after her. It was still registered to Bookie, and the league didn’t need anyone looking for him to claim damages. So Jonah moored properly and kept his annoyance in check as he strode up the dock to where she paced the parking lot.
“I don’t have any money,” she said, as if she’d heard him wondering why she hadn’t kept running. “I don’t have my house key. And now my demon is gone.” She sat abruptly on the curb.