Oh, man. If he kept looking at her with those emotion-filled eyes, she’d never get out of here. She swallowed hard. “Are you okay with them keeping him during the day while you’re at work?”
“Of course. You don’t need to ask that.”
A dull ache filled her chest. This was going to be impossible. Sharing the kids would kill her. Having to see him on weekends when they exchanged, knowing if she weren’t so damn stubborn she could have exactly what she wanted.
But she still hurt. She hurt from his lies. From the fact he hadn’t trusted her enough to be honest. She was so tired of the lies and secrets that had ruled her life for way too long. Deep inside, she was afraid she’d always wonder if he were telling her the truth.
“Okay.” Silence stretched between them. When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she said, “I, ah, need to go finish packing. I’ll tell Julia when I see her this afternoon.” She turned for the elevator.
His hand on her arm stopped her. Heat spread along her skin, ignited a fire inside her. “Wait. We need to talk about us.”
Emotions she didn’t want to deal with poured through her. She tried to steady her quaking voice. “I know, Ryan. But I can’t right now. I need some time to figure everything out. Things between us happened so fast. I’m not sure what I need.”
“How long do you think it’s going to take you to think things through?”
“I don’t know. I…I don’t expect you to wait for me.”
“Ah, babe. I’d wait for you forever.”
Her eyes slid shut to block the tears. He knew exactly what to say to make her heart tip right over the edge. “I have to go, Ryan.”
She eased out of his grasp and stepped into the elevator. He was still watching her when she turned, hands shoved deep into his pockets, heartache stamped across his handsome face.
As the doors closed, she had a pretty strong hunch that face was going to haunt her forever.
Glancing down at her boarding pass, Kate made her way through the crowded terminal. She checked her watch. She had almost an hour until her flight up to Portland. She didn’t want to sit at the gate that long. With a sigh, she headed toward the coffee cart at the end of the corridor and grabbed a latté.
Sinking into a chair, she sipped her coffee and told herself she’d done the right thing. If she was lucky, a few weeks away would clear her head, give her something else to focus on besides the craziness that had become her life.
And maybe when she came back, she’d have a clue what she was going to do about Ryan.
She listened to the muffled conversations around her. An attractive couple strolled up to the coffee cart, arm in arm. The man smiled, brushed the woman’s blond hair away from her neck, and kissed her ear. The woman leaned into his chest and grinned. The glint of bright gold on their fingers signaled they were newlyweds.
A young girl with dark hair, roughly Julia’s age, ran up to them. A warm smile spread across the man’s face as he wrapped an arm around the girl and his wife paid for their drinks.
Kate’s eyes slid closed. She could have that. If she really wanted it, she could have that and so much more.
I’d wait for you forever.
Tears stung her eyes. She loved Ryan. That wasn’t the issue. At this point, she didn’t even question what she felt for him. She couldn’t fight it any more than he could. But was it enough? Would she be able to forget the rest of it? The lies? The hurt? Would she ever be able to trust him again?
The couple from the coffee cart settled around a table next to her.
“How long are you going to be gone?” the young girl asked, slurping her drink through a straw.
The man’s deep voice made Kate glance sideways. “Long enough for your mom to realize she can’t live without me.” He lifted the woman’s hand and kissed her fingers.
The blonde ran her hand across his rugged face. “That, I already know.”
He smiled. “Took you long enough to figure it out. You made me wait forever.”
A redhead walked up and sat in the empty chair at their table. Kate had seen her with the young girl before she’d run to her parents. “Good thing you’re both so forgiving. You let all that other crap get in the way much too long. Who said what to whom and when. I swear, words cause more trouble than they’re worth sometimes.”
All that other crap. Kate swallowed. Was that what she was doing? Letting circumstances rule her life? Letting what Ryan had or hadn’t told her interfere with what she felt in her soul? If she let her heart make her decision for her, she wouldn’t be sitting here wondering what the hell to do next.
He loved her. Anything he’d kept from her, he’d done to keep her safe. She knew that. Even if she didn’t like it, she knew everything he’d done was only for her.
The muscles in her chest tightened. Suddenly, forever seemed much too long. All this time, she’d been searching for a past she thought would save her, when she should have been trusting her gut. It was the love buried deep inside that had the power to show her what was real. Nothing else mattered. Not really.
She clamored to her feet. Her latté spilled across the table.
The blonde at the next table leaned across the chairs between them and tossed a pile of napkins over the spilled coffee. “Here, let me help you.”
“Thanks.” Kate mopped up the mess. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“It happens.” When Kate looked up, concern flowed through the woman’s pale blue eyes. “Hey, are you okay?”
“No. Yes.” She reached for her bag, not sure if she was going to laugh or cry. “I have to go. You have a beautiful family.”
The blonde smiled. “Thanks.”
“No, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For reminding me what really matters.”
Ryan tugged on the collar of his tux as he sat at a table in the packed ballroom. Men and women in formal attire swayed across the floor. The band cranked out notes to an ancient jazz number while light glittered from the massive chandeliers above.
He didn’t want to be here. The last thing he needed tonight was to be surrounded by a bunch of people he had no use for. What he wanted was to be home with the kids, maybe drowning his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey after they went to bed.
He couldn’t even remember what this damn charity event was for. The homeless? Public schools? Models in need of plastic surgery? He didn’t care. If he hadn’t already committed to it, he’d have come up with an excuse to get out of it. And he hated that he’d taken his new PR director’s advice that showing his face tonight would be a good thing for his company.
The last thing he cared about right now was his company. He shouldn’t have listened.
“They’re really making a killing tonight.”
“Hmm?” The woman’s voice to his left dragged him from his thoughts. She had to be about eighty years old, with snow-white hair, a silver, beaded, long-sleeved dress, and the biggest rock on her finger he’d ever seen. He vaguely remembered she was related to some bigwig in state government. How the hell he’d gotten stuck at this table was beyond him.
He should have brought a date. Then, at least, he wouldn’t have to listen to the old woman’s monotonous voice. Problem was, he couldn’t even think about dating anyone now. Didn’t think he ever would. There was only one woman he wanted, and she was on a plane, halfway to Portland by now.
“The Inner City Youth Authority, of course,” the old woman said. “I can’t believe how many people are here supporting them. It’s wonderful, don’t you think?”
Inner City Youth Authority. Right. That was it.
“Yeah.” He feigned interest in the conversation. “Raking in the dough.” Barely listening, he calculated how much longer he had to stay before he could sneak out.