meshiginah, meshugge, mishegoss—Crazy, nuts, wildly extravagant, absurd. There are spellings for male and female, but I’ve written it the way it sounded when my mother called me it. Meshugge is to be a meshiginah and mishegoss is the crazy stuff a meshiginah is doing.
minyan—Quorum. The ten male Jews required for a religious service. Solitary prayer is laudable, but a minyan possesses special merit, for God’s Presence is said to dwell among them.
momzer—A bastard, an untrustworthy person; a stubborn, difficult person; a detestable, impudent person.
naches—Proud pleasure, special joy, pride-plus-pleasure.
nafkeh—Also nafka. A prostitute.
nu(?)(!)—A remarkably versatile interjection, interrogation, expletive; like, “So?”
nuhdz, nuhdzhing—To bore, to pester, to nag, to be bugged to eat your asparagus, to wake up and take her home, etc.
oysvorf—A scoundrel, a bum, an outcast, an ingrate.
pisher—A young, inexperienced person, a “young squirt,” an inconsequential person, a “nobody.”
plotz—To split, to burst, to explode; to be outraged; to be aggravated beyond bearing.
punim—Face.
pupik—Navel. Belly-button.
putz—Literally, vulgar slang for “penis” but in usage a term of contempt for an ass, a jerk, a fool, a simpleton or yokel. It is much stronger than schmuck and shouldn’t be used unless you know some crippling Oriental martial art-form.
Reb—Rabbi.
schlemiel—A foolish person, a simpleton; a consistently unlucky or unfortunate person; a clumsy, gauche, butterfingered person; a social misfit; this term is more pitying than schlimazel and more affectionate by far than schmuck.
schlimazel—Same as above, but different in tone. A schlimazel believes in luck, but never has any. The terms are often interchangeable, by people who don’t perceive the subtle differences.
schmuck—Literally, a penis, but in common usage, a dope, a jerk, a boob; or, a son of a bitch.
Shabbes—The Sabbath.
Shema—The first word of the most common of Hebrew prayers: “Shema Yisrael,” Hear O Israeclass="underline" The Lord our God, the Lord is One!
shikker—A drunk or, as an adjective, drunkenness.
shikseh—A non-Jewish woman, especially a young one.
shivah—The seven solemn days of mourning for the dead.
shmachel—To flatter, to fawn, to butter up, usually to outfox someone to get them to do what you want.
shmatehs—A rag, literally. But in common usage to mean a cheap, shoddy, junky dress.
shmootz—Dirt.
shoul—Synagogue.
shpilkess—As my mother used it, to mean aggravation, an unsettlement of self, jumping stomach. But I’ve been advised it really means “ants in the pants.”
Shtumie—Another word like schlemiel, but more offhand, less significant; the word you use to bat away a gnat.
shtup—To have sexual intercourse.
shtupping—See shtup.
tallis—Prayer shawl, used by males at prayer at religious services.
Talmud—A massive and monumental compendium of sixty-three books: the learned debates, dialogues, conclusions, commentaries, etc., of the scholars who, for over a thousand years, interpreted the Torah, the first five books in the Bible, also known as the Five Books of Moses. The Talmud is not the Bible, it is not the Old Testament. It is not meant to be read, but to be studied.
t’fillin—Phylacteries worn during morning prayers by Orthodox males past the age of bar mitzvah.
Tisha B’ab—“The blackest day in the Jewish calendar.” Usually falls during August, climaxing nine days of mourning during which meat is not eaten and marriages are not performed. Commemorates both the First (586 B.C.) and Second (A.D. 70) destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. A deadly day of sorrow.
tsuris—Troubles.
tuchis—The backside, the buttocks, your ass.
tummel—Noise, commotion, noisy disorder.
tummeler—One who creates a lot of noise but accomplishes little; a fun-maker, a live wire, a clown, the “life of the party.” You know when Jerry Lewis does a talk show and he starts eating the draperies and screaming and running so much you change the channel? He’s tummeling.
varf—To puke. Brechh.
yarmulkah—The skullcap worn by observing Jewish males.
yeshiva—A rabbinical college or seminary.
yorzeit—The anniversary of someone’s death, on which candles are lit and an annual prayer is said.
zetz—A strong blow or punch.
Zsouchmoid—A native of Theta 996:VI, Cluster Messier 3 in Canes Venatici, like Evsise. (See illustration.)
(NOTE: The author wishes to give credit where due. The Yiddish words are mine, they come out of my childhood and my heritage, but the definitions were compiled with the aid of Leo Rosten’s marvelous and utterly indispensable sourcebook, The Joys of Yiddish, published by McGraw-Hill, which I urge you to rush out and buy, simply as good reading.)
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About the Author
Jack Dann has written and edited over sixty books, including Wandering Stars: An Anthology of Jewish Fantasy and Science Fiction; More Wandering Stars: An Anthology of Outstanding Stories of Jewish Fantasy and Science Fiction (Jewish Lights); and the international bestselling novel about Leonardo da Vinci, The Memory Cathedral. Already translated into ten languages, The Memory Cathedral won Australia’s Aurealis Award and a selection won the coveted Nebula Award. He lives in Australia on a farm overlooking the sea and “commutes” back and forth to Los Angeles and New York. Visit his website at www.jackdann.com.
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“On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi” by William Tenn. Copyright © 1974 by William Tenn.