“Oh Emily, I didn’t mean it.” He stuttered and tried again. “I mean, of course if circumstances were different.”
She narrowed her eyes in disbelief.
“That is if…you invited me.”
She cried only more. “You don’t understand.”
“Uh, no I don’t. You’re right. I don’t at all but I have a good idea of what went on here. I think maybe we should take you on into Central City to see the doctor.”
“What would be worse? Being raped and not remembering or remembering every detail and …?”
“Emily, did those men have their way with you?” He sat down on her bed and gently placed a hand on the opposite side of her hip. “You can tell me.” With his forefinger, he tilted her chin and looked at her with more compassion than she’d ever witnessed in Clay Justice. “I’ll help you in any way I can.”
“You’ll never look at me the same way again, will you?”
“Honey, I’ll look at you like I’ve always looked at you. Were you raped?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know!” She cried out, flung her arms around his neck and then buried her head into his shoulder.
Unexpectedly, he gripped her hard too. He held her to him for as long as what felt comfortable for both of them and then slowly reached behind his neck and uncurled her fingers. “Emily, you’d know.”
“What don’t you understand? I don’t remember. I think one of them choked me and I fell against something and then I guess it all happened after I lost consciousness.”
“The, um, the, uh, fuck or, uh, I mean the, um, sex, is that what you mean ‘happened’?”
Her eyes nearly popped out of her head and then she felt her face heat with embarrassment. “I guess so. Only, I didn’t agree to it if that’s what happened.”
“I know that about you, Emily. Still, you don’t know for sure and ‘course I ain’t a woman but I would care to guess a woman might know if a fella visited ‘tween her legs and all.”
She shook her head. “They had their hands there and they were going to, but no, I don’t know for sure. Like I said, I collapsed during the time when they had their paws all over me.”
“All right then, let’s get you to a doctor. There ain’t any reason for you to be out here a wondering whether or not a man or several men did you some harm.”
“I can’t go to the doctor over this.”
“You can’t?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Cause the fact they’re gonna want to see my private areas.”
“Your private areas?”
She nodded.
“And you don’t want a doctor looking at these specific places?”
“Not particularly.”
Clay took a deep breath and then moved from the bed. “Well, I reckon I could try to tell you what it feels like.”
“That would be better than a doctor. I trust you.”
She did trust him and his cousins. Since she’d moved to Colorado, one or all of them paid her visits every few days and they offered her friendship, something she’d never had before in a man, or a woman. Sometimes she even thought of them as family but she’d never tell them as much.
He tapped his chin with his fingers. “Or better still, I reckon Luke or Levi might…”
“They both always said you had experience in these things. Can you do it?”
His jaw twitched. “I’m experienced in a lot of things, Emily but I don’t reckon I know what it feels like to have a pussy, much less one that has just been used up by a few cowboys.”
Her jaw dropped. “Oh no! See, listen at you! Ewe, this is worse than I thought. Used up? Now you think I’m damaged forever? I want to die, just die, I tell you.”
Before he thought, he grabbed her and held her tight. “Emily, I’m sorry. Right now, I don’t have the right words to say. I don’t have any idea of how to make you feel better.”
When he released her, she let the sheet fall, without embarrassment. “Could you tell if you looked at me a little closer, do you think?”
Clay turned away with a gulp caught in his lungs. He’d heard of this sort of thing before. After a bump on the head a person could experience something called shock.
Miss Emily Masterson never kissed him before much less showed him her private areas, as she liked to call them. She must be in shock now. It was the only explanation. She didn’t just haul off and show her chest or any other private part to a man. She was a wholesome woman, or at least, she was before those dang men got to her.
He gathered the blanket and tucked it around her. In case she was in shock, he didn’t stare but by God he saw her and if anyone had reason to drop their jaw, he did. Hell, with breasts like hers, he wanted to drop his pants.
He cleared his throat. “Under most circumstances, your kind offer would sound like music to my ears.”
“I’m not going to a doctor,” she stated flatly. “And I’m not coming on to you. I need your help.”
“Are you askin’ me to check you out like a doctor would?”
She nodded.
His heart started to pitter-patter. She sure had one hell of a chest on her. Any other time, he’d love to take her up on any offer to see her body but all things considered, it didn’t seem right. “I ain’t no doctor, Emily.”
She dropped the sheet again. “Then pretend.”
Chapter Two
“She wants me to take a good look at her,” Clay informed the other two because he knew they’d have about fifty fits and draw their guns if they walked in on them while he checked things out.
“What are you saying?” Levi asked.
“Damn boy, are you stupid or something?” Clay paced from one side of the small porch to the other. He turned around and did it again. This time, he had to push by Levi and then Luke.
“You mean she wants you to look her over without her clothes?” Luke asked. “That’s downright ridiculous. She wouldn’t ask you to check out her body if she’d just been touched by all them men.”
“She don’t know if she’s been raped or not. She wants to know. I can’t tell her what it feels like.”
Luke sneered. “I damn sure can. I’d feel around for evidence.”
“Yeah, and what about that? How do you know for sure? You don’t have a doctor’s knowledge any more than I do. She needs to go into town and see one.”
“I reckon she does,” Levi said. “I’ll talk to her.”
“No, you’ll convince her. I don’t want to take advantage here. If she’s been raped and I have to stick my finger inside of her, then…”
“That’s it,” Luke said. “Yep, we’d sure know.”
“How’s that?” Levi asked.
Luke frowned. “She’d bleed.”
“Huh?” Levi stayed in the dark. The boy just lacked common sense.
Luke threw his hand against his cousin’s chest. “Did she ever tell you she’s a virgin?”
“Yeah, she did as a matter of fact,” Levi admitted.
“Yep, me too.” Luke turned back to Clay. “I reckon you could tell then. If those fellas touched her, especially if all of ‘em did, then she’d have some uh…problems…hiding it. Anyhow, if she won’t go see the Doc, that’s how you tell.”
“Uh-huh, if I was willing to do it.”
“You’re not?” Luke asked.
Clay immediately changed his mind when he saw the look Luke gave him. He wanted the job of checking her out.
Before one of his cousins beat him to the opportunity, he stepped back inside. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Yeah, I bet you will. I’ll make sure you explain it the way she deserves to hear it. I think this is working out to your advantage a little too well, Clay.”
“Me too,” Levi added. “A might well, if you ask me.”
The men slipped back into her bedroom and Emily swiped her palms across her face. “Well?”
“Well, uh, Emily,” Luke began but he stopped abruptly and everyone stared. “Clay wants to tell you something.”
“Yeah, Clay has something to tell you,” Levi agreed.
“Clay?” Emily prodded.
“Well this here is going to be a little uncomfortable for you if I do this so we wanted to ask again if we can take you to the doctor. There’s no way to know without absolute certainty unless—”