“Don’t worry baby. I’m not moving out here full time right away. I have some other things I need to work out first and I’ll be working at the firm pretty much full time this summer I think.”
Ellie turned and looked at me with a strange look on her face.
“You didn’t tell me you were working there full time this summer! That is awesome!”
She leaned back into me and we sat there not saying another word. I wish I could tell her my main reason for not moving out to the ranch full time right away but……I wasn’t ready. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her away for good.
CHAPTER FIFTY ONE
J eff……
I sat under the same Oak tree I was sitting under the day Ari and I got stuck out here. Fire Star was walking around eating as much grass as he could. Hopefully nothing spooked him and he ran off because I had my iPod on and wouldn’t be able to hear it if he did.
Daughtry’s “Life After You” was playing. I had it on repeat pretty much since the day I destroyed any kind of future with Ari. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the oak. I started to picture her up against the jeep. The sound of her calling out my name, the look on her face when she told me she loved me.
FUCK!
God….would I ever be able to get over her. My fucking heart was tired of hurting. I pretty much tried to fuck her out of my head but I even sucked at that. If only I could go back in time to that day under this tree. I would do so many things differently. I would tell her how much I loved her and wanted her. It was too late.
She was getting married…..
Just then I felt something hit my boot. I opened my eyes and had to close them again and rub them. Was I seeing things? Ari was standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. She was smiling down at me. My heart started to pound so hard I could hear it. What was she doing here? How did she even know where I was? What makes me even think she was looking for me.
“Are you just going to sit there and stare at me Jeff? Maybe you’re trying to think of a way to get out of our rematch race?”
Wait…..what did she just say? I shook my head and pulled out my headphones. I couldn’t move my body. I just sat there looking up at her.
“Wh…..what are you doing here?”
She threw her head back and started to laugh. Next thing I knew she was moving closer to me and started to walk with her legs straddling mine. She took off her hat and tossed it to the ground. Holy Fuck she was beautiful. She fell down onto the ground and was on her knees looking right at me.
OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT…..don’t sit on me…please don’t sit on me…….
“I came for our rematch race Jeff. Don’t you remember the other day on my birthday you promised me a rematch.” She licked her lips as she looked down at my mouth. I had never in my life wanted to kiss her more than I did at this very moment. Why was she here though? She was getting married to someone else.
I looked down at her left hand and didn’t see a ring. I snapped my head back up at her and she let the sexiest fucking smile I had ever seen spread across her face.
“I…I um….I thought you wouldn’t be here Ari because you were getting married so….I guess I just thought……I just thought…..” Fuck I couldn’t think enough to form any fucking words. She was inches away from crotch and I was getting harder by the second with the heat coming from her body. Why was she doing this to me? Payback maybe?
She looked down at her left hand and shrugged as she held it up for me to see. Then she did it…..she fucking sat down on me. She raised her eyebrows up at me when she felt my erection. Fucking dick of mine…..sold me the fuck out. She rocked her hips just enough to drive me fucking crazy as she let out a small moan. She smiled as she looked at me.
“I don’t see a ring on my finger Jeff. You see I’m not getting married, at least not right now, and certainly not to Jason.”
Oh god, all I wanted to do was take her and make love to her right here right now.
“Why?”
She looked at me and shook her head while she kept that damn smile that drove me insane on her face. “I couldn’t marry him when I was in love with someone else.” She wiggled again against my dick.
My heart was going to fucking explode it was beating so strong and fast…..please God….please let her say she loved me still.
I smiled back at her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever put my eyes on.
“Anyone I know?”
She reached up and cupped my face with her hands. She licked her fucking lips again as she looked down at my mouth again. She moved closer to me and lightly brushed her lips against mine. I felt a tremble move through my whole body. Then she did it again, but this time she kept her lips barely on mine.
“I always have been and always will be, in love with you Jefferson. Always.”
I closed my eyes when I felt them burning with the threat of tears. I loved this girl so fucking much. I didn’t deserve her love. I slowly opened them to see her staring at me.
“Ari baby, I’ve done some awful things the last two months. Things that I’m so ashamed of and, if I could take it all back….take back the day we stood here and I pushed you away…..you have to believe me when I say I would do it in a heartbeat baby. I……I…..”
“Jeff, I’m going to ask you once and then I never want to talk about any of it ever again. I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me okay?”
“YES! You can ask me anything Ari; I will never lie to you ever!”
She closed her eyes for a few seconds and when she opened them she had tears building up. FUCK! I can’t believe how badly I’ve hurt this girl. I was going to have to get Gunner to punch me again, maybe a few times.
“When you were…..when you were with all of those girls….” She had to clear her throat and pause for a second. FUCK!
“What were you thinking about when you were with those girls Jeff? What were you trying to do?”
I sat there stunned. I can’t believe she was asking me about my two months of man whoring. I didn’t even care that I felt a tear rolling down my face. I needed to be honest with her. I needed to let her know what the fuck was going through my head.
“Ari…” My voice cracked and now it was my turn to clear my throat. “I was trying to erase you from my mind, from my heart baby. It was the only way I could think of to get over you but it didn’t work. No matter what girl I was with, I just prayed to god she would be the one to get you out of my head, but it never worked. It never worked because I was so ashamed of what I was doing I ended up closing my eyes and pretending it was you I was with. I completely tuned them out and just….I just fantasized I was making loving to you, not fucking some girl I had just met at a bar.”
Ari had tears rolling down her face. FUCK ME! I was hurting her all over again. I hated myself….I fucking hated myself. If she found it in her heart to forgive me I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her I promised myself right then.
“Did you use protection Jeff?”
“ALWAYS!”
“Did you feel anything for any of them?”
“Nothing…..”
“Do you promise me you’re done fucking around?”
“I never want to touch another girl again my entire life!”
Ari raised an eyebrow up at me and tilted her head. I reached up and wiped the tears away from her face as she gave me a smile that if I had been standing up I would have fallen to the ground.
“You sure about that last statement you must made Jeff?”
“YES! Of course I’m sure.”
She started to giggle and was getting ready to stand up. I pulled her back down and held her there.
“Wait…where’re you going?”
“Well, considering you just said you never wanted to touch another girl again in your life, I figured you wanted me to get off your lap!”