The others stared, then broke into laughter.
Magnus smiled, a small but satisfied curve of the lips.
"You didn't tell me that!" Alea protested.
Magnus shrugged. "I hadn't even thought of it again, until this conversation reminded me."
Alea's thoughts whirled, wondering how she could contact Herkimer for a complete account of Magnus's childhood and adolescence.
"How like Fess!" Geoffrey said. "The mother hen to the end."
"And does Herkimer remind you to carry your umbrella and wear a cloak in autumn?" Cordelia asked.
"No," Alea said, "I do that," then bit her tongue, wondering what she was doing intruding.
But the family laughed all the louder, and Quicksilver nodded. "Well done, damsel! Keep on!"
"I do think my brother needs a great deal of reminding," Cordelia said. "He never was overly careful to look after himself."
Magnus managed another small smile, but Alea could tell how much it cost him and tried not to shrink back in her chair. Then she reminded herself that if Magnus was really displeased, he could manage by himself—but was surprised at the surge of panic the thought brought.
The moment passed, and Magnus gave a fair imitation of actually enjoying her presence. "It was very lonely, after Dirk jumped ship and before Alea came."
"Yes, Gregory mentioned this friend Dirk." Cordelia frowned. "What was he like?"
Alea tried to hide her curiosity. She had wondered often about Dirk Dulaine and how close his relationship to Magnus had been.
Magnus shrugged. "Only another disillusioned, discontented bachelor like myself, sister."
Allouette was the one who seemed to shrink this time, but it was Quicksilver who said, "Then I suspect you whiled away the time between planets by discussing the perfidies of women."
"No, strangely." Magnus gazed off into space, mulling over a problem. "I suppose there was a tacit agreement not to discuss our attempts at romance. Besides, Dirk had a great deal more cause to be disillusioned than I had."
"How so?" Gregory asked, and Allouette stared in surprise, then was quick to look away.
Quicksilver turned to Gregory with a frown. "Did Magnus never mention this Dirk when you shared thoughts over light-years?"
Gregory shook his head. "There was little time and much to discuss." He scowled at Magnus. "You never did say much about your adventures, brother—only wanted to hear all that had happened at home."
"Of course," Magnus said. "Exiles always do."
"Say 'expatriates,' rather," Geoffrey corrected. "You left by your own choice. Certainly it was never ours!"
No resentment showed in Magnus's face, but Alea could feel it.
"And you did not think your own escapades were important?" Quicksilver demanded.
"Not to me." Magnus shrugged. "I already knew how they came out."
His siblings laughed, but Alea did not—she'd had altogether too much of Magnus's unwillingness to share his memories.
"Well, they are of interest to us," Alain said, "of great interest. Therefore tell us why this Dirk was disillusioned."
"Because he had devoted his life to helping free his people," Magnus said, "and had sacrificed all normal experiences to that goal. He never mentioned having fallen in love before we met, for example."
"That does not mean he did not," Allouette said.
"No, but it means he never tried to act upon it," Magnus answered. "He was only in his twenties, but he had been studying and working to free his people since he was eleven."
"As the two of you finally did," Gregory said.
"We did—and he found those very people had no place for him. He had lived off-planet, in the modern world, learning the skills he needed as a revolutionary." Magnus shook his head. "Learning—and working in the shipping line that amassed the wealth needed to fight the lords of Melange, his home world. The vast majority of his people had stayed planet-bound, downtrodden serfs with no education and no concept of the modern world."
"He came home and found it was no home for him," Allouette whispered, wide-eyed.
For once, Alea agreed with the witch. "Appalling, and most unjust! Surely there were others of his kind, though."
"Yes, and they all realized the most important work they could do for Melange was to keep up contact with the outside world," Magnus said, "to keep the supply of modern medicines and interstellar money flowing in."
"They were exiled for life!" Gregory exclaimed.
Magnus nodded. "Either that, or bound to the life of a common peasant—very hard for a man to accept, when he has lived in glittering cities and piloted a starship."
"No wonder he left his home to wander with you," Cordelia said.
"Yes, but even less wonder that when he fell in love, he was willing to stay on his lady's planet and make her home his," Magnus said.
"Of course, since he must have longed for a home of some sort," Gregory agreed.
"But it must have been very lonely for you," Quicksilver said.
Magnus nodded. "I was very glad to meet Alea."
Alea wasn't sure that was all that much a compliment under the circumstances, especially since Magnus did not reach out to her in the slightest way, not even to touch her hand when he said it—but she felt the fondness radiating from him, and under it, a desperate need so strong that it shocked her. Had it been there all along? She was amazed that none of his sibs seemed to notice—but perhaps they were all too polite to acknowledge it.
Or could Magnus somehow direct it only at her?
Or—stranger still, enough to make her heart flutter— was he even aware of the emotions that came to her?
THEY DISPERSED AFTER breakfast, each to his or her own duties—or if they had none, to leisure. For his part, Magnus opted to roam about the estate for a while, to visit the scenes of his youth. Alea recognized the excuse for what it was and came with him.
They wandered out through the gardens, Magnus telling her his memories of being a teenager there, Alea's gaze fastened to his face as she drank in every word—but when a row of lilacs screened them from the castle, he sank down on a bench and seemed to go limp.
Again, Alea knew how much it meant that he was willing to relax so much of his control with her, of the trust it proved—and the need for compassion. She sat beside him, hands in her lap, waiting.
Finally, Magnus said, "It's like walking a plank."
Alea waited, and when he said nothing further, asked, "Do you really feel they're all waiting for you to make one misstep?"
"Waiting for me to try to give an order, or to correct them or remind them how to behave, as I used to do when I was eighteen and Gregory twelve," Magnus said, "and ready to scold me or challenge me if I do, to prove they are grown and that I no longer have authority."
Alea frowned. "Perhaps it's because I've never had a sister—but isn't it obvious that you consider them your equals now?"
"I've read a book or two on the subject," Magnus sighed, "and apparently that isn't usually obvious to an older sib. I probably wouldn't have realized it myself if I hadn't read about it."
"But you have," Alea said. "Surely they have, too!"
"They haven't had empty hours weighing on them as they travelled between stars," Magnus said. "I gather their lives have been very full, every day." Sadness, bitterness, and envy showed in his face and were gone.
Alea felt it as a stab, that he still did not trust her enough to let such emotions show for more than an instant—but having seen him with his family, she realized how much even those flashes of feeling told about his confidence in her. Warmed by the thought, she said, 'Travel can be tedious, yes—but your life has been very full, too, whenever you've landed on a new planet."